Monday, May 3, 2010

she's 34, has plans

sometimes, sadly perhaps, it takes a real dose of physical misery for the total beauty of normal existence to shine through. (which is why hangovers have a weird aura of the sublime for me. but that's another kind of post.) with that thought in mind, i'm not embarrassed to say that a night of puking and a day of curled-up-fetal-position ushered in a real sense of joy, clarity, and direction on april 30. really, chugging a bunch of water and eating a full meal after feeling like you never want to eat again is a maje reminder of the i am alive and i feel good! variety. the divine IS the everyday, people. and, no, i didn't finally get into that birthday champagne. i'm just a girl who's no longer too dizzy to stand up for the duration of a shower. god damn, nothing feels better than a shower sometimes. to my point, though.

definitive life plans, for which i am excited:

1. spend one hour every saturday reading philosophy, about ethics and morality especially.

(one of the only good things organized religion has got going for it is the scheduled time for philosophical reflection and study. just because i'm an atheist doesn't mean i can be ethically sloppy.)

2. get an mfa.

(eventually, or not at all if i can kick start writing creatively on my own. i don't think there's much to be gained from the degree itself, but as someone who needs deadlines and guidelines to get shit done, i am certain that taking classes will help me achieve my more creative goals. read: i have wanted to write fiction since i was a little girl and yet i'm too scared to do it. time for desperate measures.)

those are the top two. more later.

and to say goodnight, something beautiful:

He saw man as strong, proud, clean, wise and fearless. He saw man as a heroic being. And he built a temple to that. A temple is a place where man is to experience exaltation. He thought that exaltation comes from the consciousness of being guiltless, of seeing the truth and achieving it, of living up to one’s highest possibility, of knowing no shame and having no cause for shame, of being able to stand naked in full sunlight. He thought that exaltation means joy and that joy is man’s birthright. He thought that a place built as a setting for man is a sacred place.

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