Tuesday, April 27, 2010

a little punk, just in time.

was having some standard midnight panics tonight when a growling joan jett appeared in the headphones and turned the wrong world right again. nothing like a surly confident bitchface girl to remind us that we spit in the face of self-doubt. yeah, i may be way behind in my dissertation writing and everything looks like a crashing wave of poverty and despair. but i'll figure it out. i usually do. and when i don't, i just move back in with my parents! ha.

for reals, tho. writin is hard, y'all. i gotta get my mess together and have a productive summer. but i also need to stop bashing my brain against the keyboard when i don't understand something. usually if i keep writing i figure it out, but sometimes i just don't and then it's four pages of half sentences, curses, death threats, and limericks and that does not a productive summer make. so next on the list is a better coping strategy for when i hit mental roadblocks.

tonight's brain break was making a list of the craziest motherfucking derby names i could come up with (shout out to so&so who emailed with a list that was nothing short of inspired, really. jen "the mad stork" backman and jen "based on the novel push, by sapphire" backman may not be in the current running, but they made the top of the crazyfunny list with a bullet.)

remind me NOT to study break with name games again, plz. it's like a black hole for a lit nerd and general collector of strange names. plus, when i just let the old noggin run wild, my absurd crazytown ideas start to sound normal.

like now someone has to convince me not to name myself Boom Boom L'Amour.

which is lunatic. but i bet joan would like it.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

plans and planning

i'm such a list maker, you guys. unfortch, the last few days have stalled out at the list-making stage and haven't really progressed to the next step which is the doing shit stage. but i have thoroughly enjoyed coming up with restaurant ideas and potential fun happenings for my girl reunion in arizona, creating a list of roller derby names for myself (all of which are just not quite right!), making a positively endless dissertation list, and planning meals that i then get too lazy to make.

some fun lurks on the horizon though! an away derby bout this weekend and then next week a birthday that i have, over the last few days, decided to embrace. pretty baby is gonna take me to dinner and i'm sure i can coax some of the local flava to come out for cocktails. but i made a special decision for my actual birthday day and for this i am very excited. gonna sleep in and then leisurely make myself this:

coconut cake! a big, heavenly mess of puffy sweetness. i imagine. i've never even had coconut cake before. but i've decided i MUST have it on my birthday and i'm terribly happy about the prospect. it just seems so indulgent and floofy and perfect. of course, being a special birthday celebration, i will also enjoy some of this:

ah, but who am i kidding. you know it will be more like this:

git it, git it!! i'm gonna bury myself in a pile of sugary coconut goodness and champers. i'll probs wear something pink and sparkly too, just for good measure.

the whole theory here is that a girl can deal with anything as long as she throws enough sugar and booze at it.


Sunday, April 18, 2010

crashing again

once again exhausted and barely gonna make it through a post before face needs to hit pillow. mostly cuz of derby which is kicking my ass in a very fun and exciting way.

on friday, i met coach cooch and one of the other new girls to do check-offs (i.e. prove we can do a list of basic things) and i got checked off on all of them! the scariest was trying to do 5 laps in 55 seconds which i didn't quite make, but i nearly did. enough to get passed on it anyway. the first time i did five in a minute and then the second time i did five in 58 seconds. woop woooppp! even tho i thought i was gonna go sailing off the track a few times, getting within three seconds of the goal was more than enough for me.

which means i'm officially able to practice with the team now, but not scrimmage. so tonight i did my first drill with the team and it was amazing and scary and super fun all at once. they weren't allowed to hit me, so basically i just skated around and tried not to fall over while everyone else knocked into each other. then i had to catch up with the pack a couple of times which was hard! my cardio needs wooooooork, man. i definitely think derby is gonna help me get my cocktail consumption into a more acceptable range. i think my ass and my thighs are gonna be in a more acceptable range soon too. MY LEGS ARE DYING RIGHT NOW. DYING.

in other news, i got a decent amount of writing done this week but not enough to send to the director yet. boo. but i'm feeling pretty good about it. went to the mfa thesis readings on friday night and then out to sparrow where i enjoyed a couple of cocktails and some fish n chips. the best part of the night was when it was time to close out and when anna brought our separate checks, brian apparently wasn't ready to go home so he gave his a nasty look and then ate it. just took the bill and put it right in the mouth and chew chew chew. deadpan. and fucking hysterical. funny too was when i had to go tell anna that he needed a new bill b/c of the eating it situation. kinda priceless.

anyway, my whole body has this kind of numb ache and my head hurts and my eyes are so tired they're burning. so i'm gonna grab the bulldog and cuddle up until tomorrow.

eek, and i have to get observed tomorrow while i teach. blech. hate it. which means i'm gonna be nervous until 4:30. oh wells. i'm already looking forward to my morning oatmeal and that's something (new fave is cinammon oatmeal with a big scoop of almond butter, a littler scoop of apple butter, and a big handful of blueberries. yummmmmm. and caramel tea. great, now i'm hungry again).

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

work, don't worry

my current solution to the extreme irritation of earlier in the week is do work, don't worry. here at nobeckettno, we have the tendency to fret about things that need done. at 3am. when absolutely nothing can get done except the ruining of sleep. so the work, don't worry motto went rubber to road yesterday and today and much is better in the world.

taxes are done, second tysabri infusion was infused, classes were taught, library fines avoided, make-up tests administered, and derby practice attended.

thanks especially to the derby practice, i'm practically euphoric right now. really, it felt AWESOME tonight. i just practiced falls, stops, and crossovers with the other new girls, but i finally feel like i'm starting to get the hang of it. and we got to skate on the real track! (minus the other girls!) and we had to sprint and then do things like one-knee fall, baseball slide, all-fours fall, and t-stops every time Coach Cooch blew her whistle. EXHAUSTING! for the last minute or so, we just sprinted around the track doing crossovers and i thought i was gonna die. but i made it and i'm already so proud of myself for getting better and just going out there and doing it even tho i get nervous before practice.

i drove home with the hugest smile on my face, blasting japanese bossa nova with my windows down and the warm midwestern air all blowy and spring and just couldn't have been happier.

and MS med infusion went totally smoothly yesterday. i drove myself there and back (even tho pretty baby repeatedly asked if i would like him to come - so sweet) and only got a tiny squeamish when the nurse put the iv thing in. got some grading done, chatted with the other ladies and left two hours later feeling fine. no weird side effects and no signs of brain infection so far. woot woot.

my major must accomplish goal for tomorrow is finishing enough of my next chapter to send a second chunk of it to the director. which might be challenging. but i've got all day and all kinds of motivation, so i'm feeling good.

now it is super major sleep time. i can't hardly believe how tired my body is.

Monday, April 12, 2010

grumpy and grouchy

i have been EXTREMELY irritable lately and today is no exception, so i'll keep it short. i swear, if it weren't for jello pudding cups i'd be off my rocker. and twizzlers. those are helpful too. anyway, all i'm gonna do here is a make a list of the things that are bothering me right now in the hopes that writing them will get them out from under my skin. feel free to skip the bitchfest and tune in next week when maybe i'll be a happier girl.

- just trying to get too many things done and not doing any of them particularly well.

- beckett has some kind of dog version of roid rage from the steroids for her allergies and she is making me crazy with incessant barking crazy skittishness and general manic weirdo-ness.

- i got my derby stuff in the mail today but no skates. BOO. apparently they take longer. i'm happy to have my pads and helmet and mouthguard, but REALLY wanted the skates. (am stoked tho that my life now requires something with "high density impact-resistant cap" even tho on the packaging, it's spelled "denisty")

- i seem to have broken my new camera by being a forcer. (previous cam had a remarkably similar charger and i didn't notice that i was trying to shove a kodak prong up a nikon's ass for 24 hours. siiiiiiiigh. now nikon doesn't respond when anything, no matter how gently, is inserted into its parts. when will i ever learn? what a brute.)

- i also broke my favorite plate when i accidentally crashed my favorite mug onto it during give-your-favorite-dishes-a-bath-in-the-sink time. (i guess this did inspire me to have the genius idea of saving all my favorite broken dish ware so that i can eventually make some kind of cool trencadís project. i think this will help me deal with the loss of my beloved kitchen gear.)

well, i guess that's all i can think of right now. except for that i'm broke, not sure how i'm gonna finish my dissertation, and scared of being broke and jobless for eternity. plus i'm getting old. birthday on the rapidly approaching horizon.

BLAHS. gonna read for class and go to bed. will try to make tomorrow more positive. just hope nobody tries to talk to me at tysabri infusion session b/c i have been a serious bitch on wheels. zero interest in small talk and/or other people right now. maybe i'll bring one of those sleeper eye masks and my ipod.

see, off to a good start already!

(that was sarcasm. i don't even like sarcasm.)

Monday, April 5, 2010

lazy monday

getting motivated was a bit of a chore today. esp since i spent four hours of last night scraping glue off of a cement floor. which was what happened at derby practice instead of derby practice. turns out that last season was so successful for the lafayette brawlin' dolls that it's time for a bigger space. the dude who owns the space ripped up a whole ton of astroturf from what used to be an indoor softball field and the girls helped out by scratching the leftover gunk off the floor. lots of leftover gunk.

but i think by saturday (first bout of the season), things will look awesome. owner dude is building bleachers to seat 1200, there will be beer and snacks for sale, a local dj will be spinning, and there are announcers n shit! for reals, i think this is gonna be amazing and fun. i can't wait! (even tho i'm just gonna be helping keep track of penalties.) i'll be bringing my camera!

also i shed out the $$ for my skates and gear today. wahoo! very exciting stuff. i think i'm going to be pestering my ups dude like mad until they get here.

tomorrow is another one of my beautiful tuesdays in which i try to write like a maniac and apply for a job at san francisco city college. i gotta get this work stuff together, people. now though i'm gonna call my mama and finish some laundry before hopefully getting some blissful sleep. had a rough night last night with terrible dreams of beckett falling off tall stuff and my friends getting busted for drug possession. and it was miller who got busted! miller, the never-done-anything-bad-in-her-life friend!

and why do my bad dreams about beckett invariably involve her falling off of tall stuff?

Sunday, April 4, 2010

the midwest may be getting to me

so after seeing a link to something called crash hot potatoes on a friend's FB wall, i got sucked into the blogger's love story. then i saw these pix of the family dogs and babies (here and here -- really scroll through, it's obscenely precious) and now, totally immersed in pioneer woman's world, i find myself intrigued by this and this.

smitten kitchen's brisket description is also weirdly haunting. am i going to start eating meat again? until last year, i was a strict vegetarian for 14 years. and then i decided i needed to stop being a baby and eat some lean protein so i started to eat fish. since my vegetarianism was always more about texture and less about animal cruelty, i haven't had any big qualms about eating the fishies. i'm mostly interested in health at this point. and adults need to eat what's good for them even if they don't like it.

i'm also convinced that to build muscle, there's nothing more effective and better for you than lean animal protein. and what i want more than anything is to be healthy. especially with the MS diagnosis, i want to know that if i have another "episode" that my body will be prepared to bounce back. (to be fair, i am still struggling with my love of cocktails and frozen pizza in this regard.)

i guess now that i've opened the doors to a non-veg lifestyle, it's no wonder that other fleshy options are asserting themselves on my psyche. significantly less healthy options, at that.

anyway, i've still got the ick as far as meat is concerned. but i find myself increasingly curious about these rustic and simple meaty things. the things that ranchers eat and the things that simmer and bubble in a slow cooker all day. i guess i'll just keep an eye on my appetite and see where it leads...