Wednesday, March 31, 2010

my very first practice!

man, i'm gonna be sore tomorrow. had my first derby practice today (!) and that shit's hard. not allowed to knock into anyone yet, but the two other new girls and i practiced falls and stops and just generally tried to not fall down while skating in a circle. of course i did fall down, but only once and it was when i was just standing still. go figure. i'm not even sure how that happened. but whatever, i gotta get used to spills and there seems to be a general shit ton of girls falling over everywhere you look anyway.

so it was rad and i'm crushing on derby hard now. i can't wait til i'm better and can actually be trusted to skate next to others. that seems so far off in a distant dreamland future, but i figure if practice is twice a week for two and a half hours each time, i'm bound to get better pretty fast. and probs get some sweet muscles in the meantime! there were sit ups, push ups, and planks in addition to the skatin. and stopping makes all manner of thigh burning happen. it will be fun to feel like an athlete again.

i was a sweatbomb jello-muscle mess when i got home, but david ordered a pizza and i took an awesome shower and now i feel pretty wonderful. i think this sport is gonna be just the thing for me. next step is purchasing my own gear! i just have to do some mental prep for the moneybomb that's gonna get dropped on

okay, i am exhausted down to the furthest reaches of my being and that bed with the cute soft sheets is calling my name like woah.

Friday, March 26, 2010

sunny san antonio

totally charming trip to texas. very restorative -- river walk, prickly pear margarita, sarah, cable tv, hotel pool, brunch, all sunny and southwest. feeling MUCH better and ready to come home. the rest of tonight will be packing, as much tv as i can fit into my eyeballs, and a little sleep before a ridiculously early flight.

until tomorrow, then. onward and upward!

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

ersatz armor

struggling a bit over here under the weight of it all. i knew ahead of time that i overloaded myself this semester but i guess it was my typical hubris. foolish, foolish girl. how do i never learn?

now it's all emotional exhaustion while i claw my way through the rest of the semester. just fried, inside and out. needless to say spring break wasn't much of a break. tho i did have a marvelous few days in los angeles. will share when i'm on the right side of a good attitude again. will try to recreate, on the inside, beautiful last saturday at the beach where it was all sun and cool breezes and german boys flying kites, napping girls, and french surfers in wetsuits. when even the seagulls were charming.

tomorrow it's off to san antonio where i get to spend some time with sarah (lovely). now to just write the paper i'm presenting thursday morning. and to get over my sore throat and cough. and not fret that beckett has her horrible allergies back again even tho i spent well over $600 trying to fix it. and to quit worrying about my dissertation that has been in dry dock for what feels like forever. and to scrub the black out of my heart.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

busy sleepy boring

well, it's 2:00am again and i'm exhausted. actually took some pix tonight tho, so maybe i'll get on the visual documenting soon.

today i started teaching the lover by duras which i think is beautiful and haunting. the students took their midterm on monday and i'll be in LA on friday for a conference, so i thought i'd make today a bit of a treat day. brought cookies and did a little intro to the novella and then showed about 25 min of the movie. since today was especially nice weather, everyone seemed a little amped up anyway. glad that i could make it sort of partyish and happy instead of dullsville.

i'll maybe write more about duras later, but just to recap, the MS stuff is still cool. some basic details:

yesterday, pretty baby and i had some lunch at mcallister's around 2:30 and then showed up at my appointment a little before 4. the nurse lady (linda lou!) was super sweet and had beautiful beautiful blue eyes and was chatty all the way through which was nice even when she poked my vein and made blood shoot up all over the place onto my arm (not cool). i just looked away tho and didn't get too creeped out. then i asked her about exercising after the whole thing and she was like, "well, what do you want to do?" so i told her i'd be roller skating as practice for roller derby and she freaked out! turns out linda lou has always wanted to be a roller derby girl, so she took down the website ( and wanted to talk about it the whole time. :)

some other ladies came in for treatment when i was just winding up and i made them talk to me about their tysabri experiences (all good, thankfully). they were both pretty chatty, so i might have some new MS friends cuz we'll be on the same infusion schedule. we all just sit in chairs with IVs attached to our arms for +/- 2hrs, so we might as well be friends.

afterwards i felt good so i went to free skate and scooted around with my crazy friends. winship was especially nutballs as he tried all sorts of crazy moves at high speeds which was effing hilarious, scary, and inspiring all at the same time. love the winship, for reals.

after teaching today, i worked and then met some folks out for dinner and wine at bistro. which turned into a very long drink at the sparrow afterwards. i swear, i only had one manhattan, but i sipped it (and a few club sodas) foreeeeeeever. ended up talking about philosophy, academics, etc. for hours.

now, like i said at the start of this rambles, i am tired like whoa. feel like i'm living my life tho and not feeling like a sick person who just started a lifetime full of drugs. which was what i was going for.

life is for living! and for sleeping! because sleeping is delicious and lovely. XOX.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

so very sleepy

tysabri day was good. the whole infusion process went fine and i only felt a tiny bit screwy afterwards which was probs b/c i was tense. went to great skate, skipped wine night. feeling super frickin tired right now, so details on the morrow.

sleep tight, internets.

Monday, March 8, 2010

my beautiful tuesdays

looking forward to another tuesday, which has oddly become my favorite day of the week. i have tuesdays and thursdays off, you see. but by thursdays, i'm usually a bit behind my goals and feel stressed out that another week is almost over. so tuesdays are all fresh and new and hold the possibility of terrific productivity.

so i will be heading to vienna for a vanilla chai and writing. also on the list is a free skate with the raves and probably the now weekly trip to the black sparrow for pizza and half-off wine night. the skating and pizza/wine are dependent on the success of another tuesday addition, my tysabri infusion (which will only happen once a month). gah! i can't believe i'm finally going to start my meds! i'm happy that i'm treating my MS, of course, but i'm a little freaked out about the whole process. will update tomorrow with a rundown, but the basic idea is one hour of iv tysabri drip and then one hour of saline drip. pretty baby is coming with and we're bringing work (and fashion mags, in case i need them). here's to hoping i feel okay afterwards and don't wind up with a brain infection somewhere down the road. the most common side effect is getting sick more often since the tysabri messes with yr immune system.

kind of a big tuesday. it is my most fervent fervent hope that being on these drugs doesn't fuck up my life. i've got lots of shit going on, and getting sick frequently just won't do. i guess it's time to load up on hand sanitizer, soap, and immune boosting foodstuffs. (nothing is getting between me and my cocktails and nights on the town tho so don't be scurred, liver. i won't forget the amount of work you do for me.)

oooooh, and i got my nippon girls japanese pop from 1966-1970 cd in the mail today!!!! it is so fucking rad i can't even find the words. my favorite songs so far have a much more sexy, punky vibe than i would have expected. it's gonna be all martini pajama dance parties at chez backman from now on.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

quick quick

i've been a ball of busy lately, finishing 5 abstracts for next year's mla (4 more to go. god bless it, i better get on a panel for that convention!) and one more post-doc application. um, yeah, it was for stanford, so i'm not holding my breath on that one. i've decided that it is much better for my overall mental health to accept the fact that i'll most likely still be in indiana for next year. i KNOW! i didn't want it to happen either. but i'm no genius and the job market is so far down the shitter you'd think frickin slothrop was down there swimming around with it in some kind of pomo literary joke scene (or was that profane, can't even remember anymore).

at any rate, i shall make the most of it if i do end up here. i'll be done with the stupid degree, pretty baby will still be here, and i can move out of my tiny ass apartment if i want to. the loveable screwballs i hang out with should still be in town and i won't have to get a new neuro-ophthalmologist. so we're looking on the bright side in lafayette.

turned in a chunk of chapter two to my director today and got a draft of my conference paper together for l.a. CAN'T WAIT for some california time. my body is just screaming for the best coast.

more tomorrow -- have a zillion things to do and time slips through my fingers like something slippery and difficult to hold onto. got big plans for this weekend, tho, big plans.