Sunday, January 31, 2010

embracing imbalance

so i read all these food blogs and they're mostly about "healthy balance." you know, working out, eating well but not obsessively, enjoying a drink or two, &c. i really respect that concept and i keep trying to make it work, but i've just recently come to terms with the fact that i simply am not capable of achieving balance. never have been. maybe someday i'll be able to pull it off, but certainly not now.

so i've decided to embrace my cockeyed, screwball, up-and-down lifestyle. there's always one thing totally dominating my time and right now it's work. i've been going nonstop lately on school stuff. i've checked a zillion things off my to-do list, and i have a zillion and one left. i'm playing catch up in every other area of my life, but god damn it if i'm not on top of this school shit. maybe barely keeping my head above water, but it's working. so i haven't worked out, called my friends or family, or done anything nice for myself in forever.

this weekend, though, i did try to level things out a bit. vacuumed the apartment (yikes, dog hair everywheres), grocery shopped, and went to a cocktails and movie night at vicky's place. i very much enjoyed the array of spicy snacks, drinks, and company and managed to get not totally soused. which meant that today was pretty productive.

but not productive enough. gonna get back to it here and maybe one of these days i'll get a better amount of fun, friends, and culture back in my life. i fricking hate how STUCK i am right now. no concerts, no art shows, no trips, no new restaurants or bars, no nothing. just work and snow and fucking fellowship applications and lectures and postdoc things due and grading and SHIT! GAH I WANT SOMETHING THAT LOOKS MORE LIKE A LIFE!!!!

but i'm embracing, not bitching. embracing. breathe. if i work hard enough now, i can earn something lifelike for next year. and i have to keep telling myself that 'unemployed phd' is a fine job title as far as i'm concerned. if i know you, i might try to sleep on your couch next year. but by that time, i will have shifted to total fun imbalance so don't worry, you'll enjoy it.


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