Wednesday, December 1, 2010

angry swedish bitches

yes please.

drawing much inspiration these days from my ragey nordic sistas.

cobrastyle: robyn

bitchface motherfucker: lisbeth

is it time to cut off all my hair and embrace the 50% svenska? i think yes.

(also, god, i just cannot find a decent lisbeth retrospective. i just spent like 45 minutes on youtube watching horrid eurotrash shit. i might just have to make one myself.)

Sunday, November 28, 2010

willow rosenberg has the cutest smile ever invented

hulu plus has all the buffy episodes.

and my life is the better for it, buffy's occasionally weird velvet pants excluded.

because velvet pants aside, it's buffy's opaque sparkley sunglasses and cute witticisms, angel young and forlorn (so much more lovely than his contemporary rip-off), willow's enormous innocent eyes and utter sweetness, the halloween episode of season two, and all of season two, really. and fucking drusilla, man. fucking drusilla should have won an emmy for her sheer super amazingness.

and yeah maybe i've had a lot of wine and an excess of ice cream cake tonight, but some things are just patently charming. and the level of cuteness achieved with a willow rosenberg smile circa 1997 is way more charming than anything i've seen televised in the last ten years. so yayys for hulu, which has raised my happiness by at least 50% with its abundance of otherwise unavailable awesomeness.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

couldn't love you more

it has been busy and beyond hectic over here. i've been a ridiculous bitchface to pretty much urrybody and have been barely keeping my head above water. but i played in my first home bout tonight and my beloved and my favorite lovelies came out to support and i just couldn't be more pleased with the life i've made for myself in the middle of nowhere, all on my own. now i'm ready to conk out -- sore and tired, half drunk and bruised, dried sweat and achy bones. but i haven't felt so wildly alive and wonderful in ages. i will sleep forevvvvvvvvvvvvvvvs and wake up happy, i know.

Friday, October 8, 2010

hey, fall

have made a slew of new recipes lately, but have been a weird combo of both too busy and too lazy to post recently. plus, i have a bout in chicago tomorrow! eeek! i'm terribly excited though, so wish me luck. and i'm getting a lot better, imho. can skate backwards, stop fast, and am learning to skate sideways too. still falling down a lot, but been getting better with that too, i think. just thought i'd stop in to share my newest favorite fall purchase:

faux fur FTW!

been looking for a retro cropped faux fur jacket for two years and thankfully, fashionistas have decided to embrace the leopard print this fall. wish i could have afforded this sweet hot kate spade version, but alas, grad school makes ms. spade an impossibility:

still, don't you think i did an awesome job finding a cheaper, but still retro fun jacket? i'm impressed with myself anyway. and now lafayette, indiana is gonna get an eyeful of a glam jacket and big black sunglasses version of jb.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

breakfast of champions

this week is green smoothie challenge week here at nobeckettno which means that i'll be getting down with a green bevvie every day until sunday. cleaning the blender every day is a hassle that i don't particularly look forward to, but every time i switch to smoothie + small substantial breakfast item, i feel awesome. plus i'm bored to death of oatmeal. oatmeal can suck it. until canned pumpkin arrives at the grocery and then pumpkin oats and i will totally get back together.

for small but substantial breakfast item, i decided to host an exclusive (read: me and a bottle of malbec) late night baking party last night and made these extremely tastyhealthy blueberry muffins. seriously, with this breakfast i'm pretty much guaranteed to be some kind of efficacious wonder. even if i'm not eating breakfast until well past noon these days. Recipes for success below:

Green Smoothie

1 cup coconut water
1 apple, chopped
2 big handfuls spinach
4-5 strawberries
juice of 1/2 lime
1 inch fresh ginger, grated

blend that shit

Whole Wheat Blueberry Banana Muffins
(adapted, but just barely, from Jenna at

1 1/2 cups whole wheat flour
3/4 cup sugar
4 tbsp butter
1 egg + 1 yolk
2 bananas, mashed
1 1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
2 cups (1 dry pint) fresh blueberries
1/3 cup milk

heat oven to 375. melt butter in a small pot. whisk in milk, egg, banana, and vanilla. in a large bowl, combine flour, baking soda, cinnamon, salt, and sugar. add the wet ingredients, then fold in blueberries. bake for 25-30 minutes. makes 12 normal-sized muffins or 10 large. effing delicious toasted with a bit of butter.

Monday, August 30, 2010

on the end of summer, sequin shorts, and montenegro style

well it's still hot as balls in the midwest, but easy to tell that summer comes to its slow, sad close. winter is pratically upon us, y'all. oh sure there's the pretty, quick breath of fall but then before you know it the ground's covered in grey sludgy snow that mucks up your pant legs and sticks around in huge drifts, unperturbed, until april.

but david bought me sequin shorts from jcrew, so winter will not bring me down this year! cuz it's all sparkly shorty shorts over here! and i am working on my fall look, which will be 'montenegro style' in honor of the shiloh. toddlers are so cosmopolitan these days. anyway, slouchy soft menswear is my direction. which i will balance with extremely slutty shoes and big, messy, long hair. and dark lipstick. and maybe some kind of delicate jewelry. now if only that financial aid check would come so i could start looking for online sales. also digging this lately:

(unisex cologne of awesomeness)

and have also been coveting this hair despite my fall commitment to length:

(dawson's creek pixie cut of awesomeness)

in day-to-day life news, i've been effing neck deep in bureaucracy horrorfest over here lately. i can't bear to think about it anymore, so i won't get into details. let's just say FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT and call it covered.

i hope to be blogging more regularly now that i have my wits about me again. i've been so manic just trying to write and deal with a lotta ins, lotta outs, lotta whathaveyous, that i'm only now starting to feel like i have a handle on things. so i'm back in the world. head is out of the muddle. let's see what i can squeeze out of the last warm days of august.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

july = dissertation and derby

really, i don't do anything else these days. well tonight i made zucchini pancakes which were a success. i just tweaked an ina garten recipe a bit and served them with tzatziki and big salad with avocado. obsessing over avocado is also something i've been doing a lot in july.

but in derby and diss news, i was in my first bout and loved it even though i kept getting knocked down. i got totally nervous right before it started and then calmed down about 15 minutes in. by the second half, i was having the best time i've ever had in a sporting event. it was awesome. as was the 80s themed after party at which i drank some bud lights (whut?) and ate some sandwich and danced with a bunch of sweaty, smelly bruisers. there was A LOT of girl-on-girl humping action. all in a good fun, non dominating kind of humping way, of course. the other team, So Ill Roller Girls (clever, you see, because they are from SOuthern ILLinois. get?), was very fun and good spirited overall. they won the bout but were super sweet dancey party cool girls after.

on the dissertation front, i'm being pretty productive. got another chapter draft done and twenty pages of the next. twenty messy disaster pages, but better than nothing. and it's kinda coming together. i still have a bit of a hopeless, i'm never gonna get done feeling in my gut, but i make myself write every day regardless. just hoping that will pay off soon.

that's all the recap i can handle tonight. now off to watch some hulu before bed. night night.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

fireflies, flip flops, and sundresses just don't happen in san francisco

love my california, love it. but it is god damned cold here. i'm not gonna lie -- i miss my humid midwest right now. but i had such a ridiculously beautiful day today that i'm exhausted and worn out but glowing with so much happiness that i can't fall asleep yet. so, a short blog post before beds.

my little brother got married to a sick-hot redhead today. she looked stunning and slim and graceful in a mermaid style gown with sparkles and he looked all movie star and great hair and dapper in a well-tailored black suit with apple green silk tie and pocket square. they said beautiful and heartfelt things to each other and it was so pretty and sweet that i cried until my nose ran in front of a hundred people. and then after they got all wedded, they walked out to "laid" by james which just sealed the joyfulness and soul-burst, for reals.

and my dad teared up during the ceremony and MY FATHER DOES NOT CRY. ever. ever. it killed me. he loves us so much. and he does so much for us, i just hope hope hope he knows how much we appreciate everything he does. i say thank you but at some point "thank you" just doesn't cut it. i can't wait to be able to do something really wonderful for him. and mums of course too, who choked back tears and looked darling in light gold dress and heels and then looked even darling-er dancing with russell at the picnic afterwards.

but i'm rambling and being full of love and joy does not make for an especially well-written post, esp at 3am with several beers and champers and whatever else in the belly.

there was just lots of love today spilling out all over the place, so i can't help but feel gushy and open and just wonderfully alive here now in my precious hotel room, windows flung open despite the cool weather, cuddled up in puffy white pillows and ready to conk out like a little baby angel.

sleep tight, my hearts. everything is good, like whoa.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

things i loathe, in no particular order

kitten heels
brendan fraser
sweater sets

phew, just needed to get that out. thanks.

Friday, June 18, 2010

fireflies on parade, or, why i can never manage my summers

too many plans, y'all. too many plans. when summer hits, i just can't contain my desires and then i'm all scattered and dissatisfied for three months. i'm determined to be more realistic this summer, and more organized. tho i have yet to actually DO this organizin, i'm convinced that a huge, soon to be purchased dry erase board will help me get my act together. i don't want to meet another august with a list of un-met goals and half-finished craft projects. i think i'll post a realistic version of summer goals soon, to keep my ass in check.

i have been a busy little critter tho! i knew june would be a sort of frightful messy month. had the friend reunion/arizona trip at the beginning of the month, then a weekend visit with aev in my old illinois haunts (what a trip that was! i do miss that town. we ate and drank and ran into ex-boyfriends, and went to a porch party, bought inexpensive yet stylish jewelry, watched reruns of 30 rock until 4 in the morning, and strolled the streets of normal, illinois. action packed, for sure.). i also got checked off on all my derby skillz and started scrimmaging with the team which is hard and exhausting and awesome and i find myself thinking about roller skates as i fall asleep at night. and jamming. one day i'll be a jammer, you guys. i've also had too much wine at half-off wine night, glutted myself on the glory that is true blood season two, seen a mess of fireflies, eaten enchiladas and awesome homemade rice at raven's, run innumerable errands, and found a local store that sells coconut water.

and i'm also still dithering with the same chapter i've been dithering with for ages. so, first order of business is to get it sent off by this sunday, the 20th. it must happen. i must quit dithering. i may need therapy.

and then it's off to berkeley for my onlyest brother's wedding! i think this will be a memorable event, for reals. now i just gotta get some ducks in a row before next thursday and then i will explode into july like banzai motherfuckin ball of energy and light.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

aw, no more vacay

at phx now waiting for my indy flight and feeling half low, half happy to be headed home. had a ridiculously lovely time in the OV with mummydaddy and then the ladies for ladies weekend. some of my favorite things, in random order (a slightly more detailed post in the next few days):

- i made carrot cake cupcakes with cream cheese frosting and choc cupcakes with "that's the best frosting i ever had" and they both came out pretty dandy!
- fun mimosa brunch with the gals
- saw lots of strange, napping creatures at the sonora desert museum
- lounged in the p's pool, playing pool badminton with the girls
- goofed around with my brother's hat collection, laughed hysterically
- made dinner at home, kim's AWESOME avocado salsa
- and her equally awesome grilled poblano peppers and onions for atop burgers/vegi burgers
- my dad's caesar
- the beautiful drive to mcclintock's restaurant
- the smell of coppertone and clean beach towels
- my first pedicure (!)
- visit to both bon stores for magical inspiration feelings and lots of d.i.y. ideas
- met the bon owner's new baby, lucien, who was kickin it in an enormous basket lined with blankies
- wii dance! i sucked, but it was so fun
- my new blue nail polish (it's like ghetto fab meets summertime, y'all - check the beyonce vid that inspired the manicure)
- solid parent time and solid girlfriend time = totally restorative

now i just gotta motivate to finish the damn dissertation. hopefully i'll get on a good summer writing sched soon.

first, though, i am headed to my favorite central illinois town...bloomington! i'll be visiting my old bloomie partner in crime, abs, who is departing for a teaching position in tennessee and i am soooooooo looking forward to checking out the town that was the scene of many bizarre adventures. hopefully we will also be joined by the hilarious vhvk whose wild blond curls and unruly sense of humor made my first year of grad school one of the most interesting years of my life.

and before that, it's raves birthday! (okay, really, when will i get work done with all this fun? and when will i lose the five pounds before russell's wedding on the 26th? gah! june is gonna be nutty and incredibly busy!)

Thursday, May 27, 2010

desert vacay

flew into phoenix yesterday and super glad to be back in the desert. bizarre, perhaps, but i so dig the high temperatures and warm nights. obsessed with warm nights. love them.

got a much needed in n out grilled cheese on the way from phx to tucson and spent the rest of the evening chilling and drinking wine with the p's. pretty lovely.

today i slept in, mums made me some oatmeal, i lounged by the pool, and then i drug the parents to tucson's only roller rink. what a dork! i'm really so geeked out on derby, it's ridiculous. i kinda thought the rink would be empty and i could do some falls and stuff for my parents, but it was chalk full of kids! so mostly i just treated the kids like an obstacle course and practiced weaving around a bunch of wobbly babies. good practice, actually. and the rink had a skate shop, so pops bought me some outdoor wheels and a wrench for tightening up my toe stops. woot! i started switching out my wheels tonight and i think i'll hit the oro valley streets tomorrow for my first try at skating out of doors. very excited.

also super excited for my girls to arrive on friday! this weekend is going to be lots of fun, i can tell already. even if we just lounge on the couch and drink mimosas for three days, i'll be stoked.

dying of sleepiness now, so i'm gonna hit the showers and hope i don't have bad dreams again tonight. every time i travel now, i spend the first few nights having terrifying dreams. i think my psyche misses the boy and the dog. which would be sweet if the dreams weren't so horrible.

until tomorrow then. XOX.

Monday, May 24, 2010

pancakes and roller derby

is pretty much all i've been up to lately. not sure what's up with the pancake cravings, but i've decided to just honor the belly and make pancakes.

made these pancakes which were delicious (only changes i made were using half whole wheat flour and half regular organic flour, using regular milk sted soy, and adding 2tsp vanilla + 1/2 tsp of coconut extract cuz i ran out of vanilla). i also made these uber healthy pancakes which were actually quite tasty tho a touch eggy for me.

and helped bench coach at the roller derby bout on saturday night which was a blast, natch. fingers crossed that i'll be skating in june! but i've got a lot of travel-vacay on the agenda, so if i don't get to skate until july, i'll just have to deal. i wish i could just get everybody i know to come to a bout with me! they're really SO FUN. everyone is yelling, girls are all ass-over-tea-kettle, there's beer and popcorn and unfinished wooden bleachers, fishnets, tough competition,'s all extremely entertaining and lively.

then i went to the afterparty at the knick where i had a few beers and chatted a bit. then home for pizza (i was staaaaaaaaaaaaarving!) and late night movie watchin.

tomorrow i head to arizona to hang with the parents and then have a mini friend reunion with my college girls. i am super excited for lounging, hiking, cocktails, dinner out, swimming, tennis, shopping, etc.

but now it's 2am and i need to finish packing. but that shit's easy. sleep tight, internet! i'll write when i get out west!

Thursday, May 13, 2010

just because

had a lovely dinner at bistro tonight -- a bottle of stag's leap (courtesy of bistro wine club -- woot! it was a merlot and i liked it regardless), a cup of artichoke-swiss soup, blackened grilled salmon, and a sticky toffee pudding (this dessert is SICK. if you are ever in lafayette, indiana and can eat wheat products, you must have this. caramelly squishy chewy warm goodness with a scoop of vanilla bean ice cream yessssssssssssssss).

now because i wanna go to sleep and i'm out of stuff to write, ima include my current running playlist. or rather, my current listen-to-before-derby playlist. sure it might look a little schizophrenic from the outside, but if you don't see how peaches and miley cyrus go together like pb and chocolate, that's your problem.

Win Baby Win Mix

Peaches - I’m the Kinda

She Wants Revenge - Tear You Apart

Tricky - Christiansands

Mos Def - Quiet Dog

DJ Khaled - All I Do is Win

Tom Waits - Hoist that Rag

Fugazi - Waiting Room

Joan Jett & the Blackhearts - Crimson and Clover

Cat Power - Lost Someone

Beirut - Nantes

Vampire Weekend - The Kids Don’t Stand a Chance

Gogol Bordello - Through the Roof ‘n’ Underground

Old 97s - Doreen

Lady Gaga - Bad Romance

Miley Cyrus - Party in the U.S.A.

Beyonce - Single Ladies

Kesha - Tik Tok

Le Tigre - Hot Topic

The Velvet Underground & Nico - I’ll Be Your Mirror

Cat Power - Breathless

Tom Waits - Little Drop of Poison

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

catching up

been pretty busy around here. submitted grades late monday night, so the semester is officially OVER. yes. very excited for summer.

i also finally got my skates today! and got to wear them to practice! it's amazing the difference they make, really. instead of scraping along the floor feeling like i'm gonna go sliding right off the track, these guys feel smooth and very control-able. as you might suspect, i loved practice tonight. next step is to buy outdoor wheels for myself and then i will just never take my skates off again. for reals, derby is the best thing to happen to me in a really long time. so extremely happy that i decided to do it.

feeling sunny and positive about summer as a whole. should be worky and productive while also involving shenanigans, cocktails, and lounging. another summer instituted life decision that i've decided to pursue is:

baking day!

i am an unconfident baker, my friends. so to change this sad fact, i will be baking something new, one day a week. perhaps from this book for the healthiness avoidance of refined bleached up flour nonsense. probs mostly i'll just be baking extraordinarily unhealthy treats from one wouldn't want to be *too* healthy. also hoping to do some entertaining this summer and/or bring baked treats to other get togethers. started off by making coconut cupcakes last saturday for ufc watching at cc's apartment. turned out pretty damn good, if i may brag a bit. cream cheese frosting, yo. so i've got high hopes for tarts, cakes, crepes, and breads.

now to read a bit of nylon before watching a movie and eating some treats with the bf. because it's suuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr and i can do whatever i waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaant. yup yup!

Monday, May 3, 2010

she's 34, has plans

sometimes, sadly perhaps, it takes a real dose of physical misery for the total beauty of normal existence to shine through. (which is why hangovers have a weird aura of the sublime for me. but that's another kind of post.) with that thought in mind, i'm not embarrassed to say that a night of puking and a day of curled-up-fetal-position ushered in a real sense of joy, clarity, and direction on april 30. really, chugging a bunch of water and eating a full meal after feeling like you never want to eat again is a maje reminder of the i am alive and i feel good! variety. the divine IS the everyday, people. and, no, i didn't finally get into that birthday champagne. i'm just a girl who's no longer too dizzy to stand up for the duration of a shower. god damn, nothing feels better than a shower sometimes. to my point, though.

definitive life plans, for which i am excited:

1. spend one hour every saturday reading philosophy, about ethics and morality especially.

(one of the only good things organized religion has got going for it is the scheduled time for philosophical reflection and study. just because i'm an atheist doesn't mean i can be ethically sloppy.)

2. get an mfa.

(eventually, or not at all if i can kick start writing creatively on my own. i don't think there's much to be gained from the degree itself, but as someone who needs deadlines and guidelines to get shit done, i am certain that taking classes will help me achieve my more creative goals. read: i have wanted to write fiction since i was a little girl and yet i'm too scared to do it. time for desperate measures.)

those are the top two. more later.

and to say goodnight, something beautiful:

He saw man as strong, proud, clean, wise and fearless. He saw man as a heroic being. And he built a temple to that. A temple is a place where man is to experience exaltation. He thought that exaltation comes from the consciousness of being guiltless, of seeing the truth and achieving it, of living up to one’s highest possibility, of knowing no shame and having no cause for shame, of being able to stand naked in full sunlight. He thought that exaltation means joy and that joy is man’s birthright. He thought that a place built as a setting for man is a sacred place.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

worst birthday ever?

perhaps. nobody wants food poisoning the night before their birthday. so no cake or champagne for me. no leisurely shopping or baking or light napping. just vomiting horrendous amounts and shitting rivers from about midnight until 8am. about once an hour, i guess. i counted seven trips to the bathroom. sorry for the too much info, but those were seven painful trips to the loo. so i feel compelled to share.

anyway, that meant my birthday proper was spent curled up in a ball sipping pedialyte and nibbling the corners off saltines. i started to feel better around midnight, and my sweet sweet boyfriend took really good care of me by making a special grocery trip replete with several flavors of fruity jello, pleasantly bland soup, and a pink plastic princess tiara and matching earrings. he even made me a pedialyte, gatorade, and water mocktail in a wine glass. much appreciated. for reals, i get super sensitive when i'm sick. i don't complain, but i get really quiet and am prone to tears. i totally teared up when i saw that he got me multiple jello flavors.

but i'm MUCH better now. opened lovely presents from the parents, looking forward to a dinner out with sweet boyfriend, and i've lost five pounds. (which will, undoubtedly, come back when i can eat more than soup and english muffins.) gonna do a little shopping with bday gift cards this week and i also CANNOT WAIT for the semester to meet its close. it's time for summer with all its humid glory and finished (and hopefully defended) dissertation.

the last couple days of mandatory bed rest have gotten me all riled up to get back to life with new vigor. i've got plans (some birthday resolutions to share on the morrow), and i'm a girl who likes her plans. now it's just five more papers to grade, some finals to give, and it's gonna get all free bird up in this bitch.

if free bird had an unfinished monster dissertation hanging off one little bird foot, dragging it down to the realm of the impossibly unfree, that is.

to making the most of it. happy 34th year to myself.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

a little punk, just in time.

was having some standard midnight panics tonight when a growling joan jett appeared in the headphones and turned the wrong world right again. nothing like a surly confident bitchface girl to remind us that we spit in the face of self-doubt. yeah, i may be way behind in my dissertation writing and everything looks like a crashing wave of poverty and despair. but i'll figure it out. i usually do. and when i don't, i just move back in with my parents! ha.

for reals, tho. writin is hard, y'all. i gotta get my mess together and have a productive summer. but i also need to stop bashing my brain against the keyboard when i don't understand something. usually if i keep writing i figure it out, but sometimes i just don't and then it's four pages of half sentences, curses, death threats, and limericks and that does not a productive summer make. so next on the list is a better coping strategy for when i hit mental roadblocks.

tonight's brain break was making a list of the craziest motherfucking derby names i could come up with (shout out to so&so who emailed with a list that was nothing short of inspired, really. jen "the mad stork" backman and jen "based on the novel push, by sapphire" backman may not be in the current running, but they made the top of the crazyfunny list with a bullet.)

remind me NOT to study break with name games again, plz. it's like a black hole for a lit nerd and general collector of strange names. plus, when i just let the old noggin run wild, my absurd crazytown ideas start to sound normal.

like now someone has to convince me not to name myself Boom Boom L'Amour.

which is lunatic. but i bet joan would like it.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

plans and planning

i'm such a list maker, you guys. unfortch, the last few days have stalled out at the list-making stage and haven't really progressed to the next step which is the doing shit stage. but i have thoroughly enjoyed coming up with restaurant ideas and potential fun happenings for my girl reunion in arizona, creating a list of roller derby names for myself (all of which are just not quite right!), making a positively endless dissertation list, and planning meals that i then get too lazy to make.

some fun lurks on the horizon though! an away derby bout this weekend and then next week a birthday that i have, over the last few days, decided to embrace. pretty baby is gonna take me to dinner and i'm sure i can coax some of the local flava to come out for cocktails. but i made a special decision for my actual birthday day and for this i am very excited. gonna sleep in and then leisurely make myself this:

coconut cake! a big, heavenly mess of puffy sweetness. i imagine. i've never even had coconut cake before. but i've decided i MUST have it on my birthday and i'm terribly happy about the prospect. it just seems so indulgent and floofy and perfect. of course, being a special birthday celebration, i will also enjoy some of this:

ah, but who am i kidding. you know it will be more like this:

git it, git it!! i'm gonna bury myself in a pile of sugary coconut goodness and champers. i'll probs wear something pink and sparkly too, just for good measure.

the whole theory here is that a girl can deal with anything as long as she throws enough sugar and booze at it.


Sunday, April 18, 2010

crashing again

once again exhausted and barely gonna make it through a post before face needs to hit pillow. mostly cuz of derby which is kicking my ass in a very fun and exciting way.

on friday, i met coach cooch and one of the other new girls to do check-offs (i.e. prove we can do a list of basic things) and i got checked off on all of them! the scariest was trying to do 5 laps in 55 seconds which i didn't quite make, but i nearly did. enough to get passed on it anyway. the first time i did five in a minute and then the second time i did five in 58 seconds. woop woooppp! even tho i thought i was gonna go sailing off the track a few times, getting within three seconds of the goal was more than enough for me.

which means i'm officially able to practice with the team now, but not scrimmage. so tonight i did my first drill with the team and it was amazing and scary and super fun all at once. they weren't allowed to hit me, so basically i just skated around and tried not to fall over while everyone else knocked into each other. then i had to catch up with the pack a couple of times which was hard! my cardio needs wooooooork, man. i definitely think derby is gonna help me get my cocktail consumption into a more acceptable range. i think my ass and my thighs are gonna be in a more acceptable range soon too. MY LEGS ARE DYING RIGHT NOW. DYING.

in other news, i got a decent amount of writing done this week but not enough to send to the director yet. boo. but i'm feeling pretty good about it. went to the mfa thesis readings on friday night and then out to sparrow where i enjoyed a couple of cocktails and some fish n chips. the best part of the night was when it was time to close out and when anna brought our separate checks, brian apparently wasn't ready to go home so he gave his a nasty look and then ate it. just took the bill and put it right in the mouth and chew chew chew. deadpan. and fucking hysterical. funny too was when i had to go tell anna that he needed a new bill b/c of the eating it situation. kinda priceless.

anyway, my whole body has this kind of numb ache and my head hurts and my eyes are so tired they're burning. so i'm gonna grab the bulldog and cuddle up until tomorrow.

eek, and i have to get observed tomorrow while i teach. blech. hate it. which means i'm gonna be nervous until 4:30. oh wells. i'm already looking forward to my morning oatmeal and that's something (new fave is cinammon oatmeal with a big scoop of almond butter, a littler scoop of apple butter, and a big handful of blueberries. yummmmmm. and caramel tea. great, now i'm hungry again).

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

work, don't worry

my current solution to the extreme irritation of earlier in the week is do work, don't worry. here at nobeckettno, we have the tendency to fret about things that need done. at 3am. when absolutely nothing can get done except the ruining of sleep. so the work, don't worry motto went rubber to road yesterday and today and much is better in the world.

taxes are done, second tysabri infusion was infused, classes were taught, library fines avoided, make-up tests administered, and derby practice attended.

thanks especially to the derby practice, i'm practically euphoric right now. really, it felt AWESOME tonight. i just practiced falls, stops, and crossovers with the other new girls, but i finally feel like i'm starting to get the hang of it. and we got to skate on the real track! (minus the other girls!) and we had to sprint and then do things like one-knee fall, baseball slide, all-fours fall, and t-stops every time Coach Cooch blew her whistle. EXHAUSTING! for the last minute or so, we just sprinted around the track doing crossovers and i thought i was gonna die. but i made it and i'm already so proud of myself for getting better and just going out there and doing it even tho i get nervous before practice.

i drove home with the hugest smile on my face, blasting japanese bossa nova with my windows down and the warm midwestern air all blowy and spring and just couldn't have been happier.

and MS med infusion went totally smoothly yesterday. i drove myself there and back (even tho pretty baby repeatedly asked if i would like him to come - so sweet) and only got a tiny squeamish when the nurse put the iv thing in. got some grading done, chatted with the other ladies and left two hours later feeling fine. no weird side effects and no signs of brain infection so far. woot woot.

my major must accomplish goal for tomorrow is finishing enough of my next chapter to send a second chunk of it to the director. which might be challenging. but i've got all day and all kinds of motivation, so i'm feeling good.

now it is super major sleep time. i can't hardly believe how tired my body is.

Monday, April 12, 2010

grumpy and grouchy

i have been EXTREMELY irritable lately and today is no exception, so i'll keep it short. i swear, if it weren't for jello pudding cups i'd be off my rocker. and twizzlers. those are helpful too. anyway, all i'm gonna do here is a make a list of the things that are bothering me right now in the hopes that writing them will get them out from under my skin. feel free to skip the bitchfest and tune in next week when maybe i'll be a happier girl.

- just trying to get too many things done and not doing any of them particularly well.

- beckett has some kind of dog version of roid rage from the steroids for her allergies and she is making me crazy with incessant barking crazy skittishness and general manic weirdo-ness.

- i got my derby stuff in the mail today but no skates. BOO. apparently they take longer. i'm happy to have my pads and helmet and mouthguard, but REALLY wanted the skates. (am stoked tho that my life now requires something with "high density impact-resistant cap" even tho on the packaging, it's spelled "denisty")

- i seem to have broken my new camera by being a forcer. (previous cam had a remarkably similar charger and i didn't notice that i was trying to shove a kodak prong up a nikon's ass for 24 hours. siiiiiiiigh. now nikon doesn't respond when anything, no matter how gently, is inserted into its parts. when will i ever learn? what a brute.)

- i also broke my favorite plate when i accidentally crashed my favorite mug onto it during give-your-favorite-dishes-a-bath-in-the-sink time. (i guess this did inspire me to have the genius idea of saving all my favorite broken dish ware so that i can eventually make some kind of cool trencadís project. i think this will help me deal with the loss of my beloved kitchen gear.)

well, i guess that's all i can think of right now. except for that i'm broke, not sure how i'm gonna finish my dissertation, and scared of being broke and jobless for eternity. plus i'm getting old. birthday on the rapidly approaching horizon.

BLAHS. gonna read for class and go to bed. will try to make tomorrow more positive. just hope nobody tries to talk to me at tysabri infusion session b/c i have been a serious bitch on wheels. zero interest in small talk and/or other people right now. maybe i'll bring one of those sleeper eye masks and my ipod.

see, off to a good start already!

(that was sarcasm. i don't even like sarcasm.)

Monday, April 5, 2010

lazy monday

getting motivated was a bit of a chore today. esp since i spent four hours of last night scraping glue off of a cement floor. which was what happened at derby practice instead of derby practice. turns out that last season was so successful for the lafayette brawlin' dolls that it's time for a bigger space. the dude who owns the space ripped up a whole ton of astroturf from what used to be an indoor softball field and the girls helped out by scratching the leftover gunk off the floor. lots of leftover gunk.

but i think by saturday (first bout of the season), things will look awesome. owner dude is building bleachers to seat 1200, there will be beer and snacks for sale, a local dj will be spinning, and there are announcers n shit! for reals, i think this is gonna be amazing and fun. i can't wait! (even tho i'm just gonna be helping keep track of penalties.) i'll be bringing my camera!

also i shed out the $$ for my skates and gear today. wahoo! very exciting stuff. i think i'm going to be pestering my ups dude like mad until they get here.

tomorrow is another one of my beautiful tuesdays in which i try to write like a maniac and apply for a job at san francisco city college. i gotta get this work stuff together, people. now though i'm gonna call my mama and finish some laundry before hopefully getting some blissful sleep. had a rough night last night with terrible dreams of beckett falling off tall stuff and my friends getting busted for drug possession. and it was miller who got busted! miller, the never-done-anything-bad-in-her-life friend!

and why do my bad dreams about beckett invariably involve her falling off of tall stuff?

Sunday, April 4, 2010

the midwest may be getting to me

so after seeing a link to something called crash hot potatoes on a friend's FB wall, i got sucked into the blogger's love story. then i saw these pix of the family dogs and babies (here and here -- really scroll through, it's obscenely precious) and now, totally immersed in pioneer woman's world, i find myself intrigued by this and this.

smitten kitchen's brisket description is also weirdly haunting. am i going to start eating meat again? until last year, i was a strict vegetarian for 14 years. and then i decided i needed to stop being a baby and eat some lean protein so i started to eat fish. since my vegetarianism was always more about texture and less about animal cruelty, i haven't had any big qualms about eating the fishies. i'm mostly interested in health at this point. and adults need to eat what's good for them even if they don't like it.

i'm also convinced that to build muscle, there's nothing more effective and better for you than lean animal protein. and what i want more than anything is to be healthy. especially with the MS diagnosis, i want to know that if i have another "episode" that my body will be prepared to bounce back. (to be fair, i am still struggling with my love of cocktails and frozen pizza in this regard.)

i guess now that i've opened the doors to a non-veg lifestyle, it's no wonder that other fleshy options are asserting themselves on my psyche. significantly less healthy options, at that.

anyway, i've still got the ick as far as meat is concerned. but i find myself increasingly curious about these rustic and simple meaty things. the things that ranchers eat and the things that simmer and bubble in a slow cooker all day. i guess i'll just keep an eye on my appetite and see where it leads...

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

my very first practice!

man, i'm gonna be sore tomorrow. had my first derby practice today (!) and that shit's hard. not allowed to knock into anyone yet, but the two other new girls and i practiced falls and stops and just generally tried to not fall down while skating in a circle. of course i did fall down, but only once and it was when i was just standing still. go figure. i'm not even sure how that happened. but whatever, i gotta get used to spills and there seems to be a general shit ton of girls falling over everywhere you look anyway.

so it was rad and i'm crushing on derby hard now. i can't wait til i'm better and can actually be trusted to skate next to others. that seems so far off in a distant dreamland future, but i figure if practice is twice a week for two and a half hours each time, i'm bound to get better pretty fast. and probs get some sweet muscles in the meantime! there were sit ups, push ups, and planks in addition to the skatin. and stopping makes all manner of thigh burning happen. it will be fun to feel like an athlete again.

i was a sweatbomb jello-muscle mess when i got home, but david ordered a pizza and i took an awesome shower and now i feel pretty wonderful. i think this sport is gonna be just the thing for me. next step is purchasing my own gear! i just have to do some mental prep for the moneybomb that's gonna get dropped on

okay, i am exhausted down to the furthest reaches of my being and that bed with the cute soft sheets is calling my name like woah.

Friday, March 26, 2010

sunny san antonio

totally charming trip to texas. very restorative -- river walk, prickly pear margarita, sarah, cable tv, hotel pool, brunch, all sunny and southwest. feeling MUCH better and ready to come home. the rest of tonight will be packing, as much tv as i can fit into my eyeballs, and a little sleep before a ridiculously early flight.

until tomorrow, then. onward and upward!

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

ersatz armor

struggling a bit over here under the weight of it all. i knew ahead of time that i overloaded myself this semester but i guess it was my typical hubris. foolish, foolish girl. how do i never learn?

now it's all emotional exhaustion while i claw my way through the rest of the semester. just fried, inside and out. needless to say spring break wasn't much of a break. tho i did have a marvelous few days in los angeles. will share when i'm on the right side of a good attitude again. will try to recreate, on the inside, beautiful last saturday at the beach where it was all sun and cool breezes and german boys flying kites, napping girls, and french surfers in wetsuits. when even the seagulls were charming.

tomorrow it's off to san antonio where i get to spend some time with sarah (lovely). now to just write the paper i'm presenting thursday morning. and to get over my sore throat and cough. and not fret that beckett has her horrible allergies back again even tho i spent well over $600 trying to fix it. and to quit worrying about my dissertation that has been in dry dock for what feels like forever. and to scrub the black out of my heart.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

busy sleepy boring

well, it's 2:00am again and i'm exhausted. actually took some pix tonight tho, so maybe i'll get on the visual documenting soon.

today i started teaching the lover by duras which i think is beautiful and haunting. the students took their midterm on monday and i'll be in LA on friday for a conference, so i thought i'd make today a bit of a treat day. brought cookies and did a little intro to the novella and then showed about 25 min of the movie. since today was especially nice weather, everyone seemed a little amped up anyway. glad that i could make it sort of partyish and happy instead of dullsville.

i'll maybe write more about duras later, but just to recap, the MS stuff is still cool. some basic details:

yesterday, pretty baby and i had some lunch at mcallister's around 2:30 and then showed up at my appointment a little before 4. the nurse lady (linda lou!) was super sweet and had beautiful beautiful blue eyes and was chatty all the way through which was nice even when she poked my vein and made blood shoot up all over the place onto my arm (not cool). i just looked away tho and didn't get too creeped out. then i asked her about exercising after the whole thing and she was like, "well, what do you want to do?" so i told her i'd be roller skating as practice for roller derby and she freaked out! turns out linda lou has always wanted to be a roller derby girl, so she took down the website ( and wanted to talk about it the whole time. :)

some other ladies came in for treatment when i was just winding up and i made them talk to me about their tysabri experiences (all good, thankfully). they were both pretty chatty, so i might have some new MS friends cuz we'll be on the same infusion schedule. we all just sit in chairs with IVs attached to our arms for +/- 2hrs, so we might as well be friends.

afterwards i felt good so i went to free skate and scooted around with my crazy friends. winship was especially nutballs as he tried all sorts of crazy moves at high speeds which was effing hilarious, scary, and inspiring all at the same time. love the winship, for reals.

after teaching today, i worked and then met some folks out for dinner and wine at bistro. which turned into a very long drink at the sparrow afterwards. i swear, i only had one manhattan, but i sipped it (and a few club sodas) foreeeeeeever. ended up talking about philosophy, academics, etc. for hours.

now, like i said at the start of this rambles, i am tired like whoa. feel like i'm living my life tho and not feeling like a sick person who just started a lifetime full of drugs. which was what i was going for.

life is for living! and for sleeping! because sleeping is delicious and lovely. XOX.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

so very sleepy

tysabri day was good. the whole infusion process went fine and i only felt a tiny bit screwy afterwards which was probs b/c i was tense. went to great skate, skipped wine night. feeling super frickin tired right now, so details on the morrow.

sleep tight, internets.

Monday, March 8, 2010

my beautiful tuesdays

looking forward to another tuesday, which has oddly become my favorite day of the week. i have tuesdays and thursdays off, you see. but by thursdays, i'm usually a bit behind my goals and feel stressed out that another week is almost over. so tuesdays are all fresh and new and hold the possibility of terrific productivity.

so i will be heading to vienna for a vanilla chai and writing. also on the list is a free skate with the raves and probably the now weekly trip to the black sparrow for pizza and half-off wine night. the skating and pizza/wine are dependent on the success of another tuesday addition, my tysabri infusion (which will only happen once a month). gah! i can't believe i'm finally going to start my meds! i'm happy that i'm treating my MS, of course, but i'm a little freaked out about the whole process. will update tomorrow with a rundown, but the basic idea is one hour of iv tysabri drip and then one hour of saline drip. pretty baby is coming with and we're bringing work (and fashion mags, in case i need them). here's to hoping i feel okay afterwards and don't wind up with a brain infection somewhere down the road. the most common side effect is getting sick more often since the tysabri messes with yr immune system.

kind of a big tuesday. it is my most fervent fervent hope that being on these drugs doesn't fuck up my life. i've got lots of shit going on, and getting sick frequently just won't do. i guess it's time to load up on hand sanitizer, soap, and immune boosting foodstuffs. (nothing is getting between me and my cocktails and nights on the town tho so don't be scurred, liver. i won't forget the amount of work you do for me.)

oooooh, and i got my nippon girls japanese pop from 1966-1970 cd in the mail today!!!! it is so fucking rad i can't even find the words. my favorite songs so far have a much more sexy, punky vibe than i would have expected. it's gonna be all martini pajama dance parties at chez backman from now on.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

quick quick

i've been a ball of busy lately, finishing 5 abstracts for next year's mla (4 more to go. god bless it, i better get on a panel for that convention!) and one more post-doc application. um, yeah, it was for stanford, so i'm not holding my breath on that one. i've decided that it is much better for my overall mental health to accept the fact that i'll most likely still be in indiana for next year. i KNOW! i didn't want it to happen either. but i'm no genius and the job market is so far down the shitter you'd think frickin slothrop was down there swimming around with it in some kind of pomo literary joke scene (or was that profane, can't even remember anymore).

at any rate, i shall make the most of it if i do end up here. i'll be done with the stupid degree, pretty baby will still be here, and i can move out of my tiny ass apartment if i want to. the loveable screwballs i hang out with should still be in town and i won't have to get a new neuro-ophthalmologist. so we're looking on the bright side in lafayette.

turned in a chunk of chapter two to my director today and got a draft of my conference paper together for l.a. CAN'T WAIT for some california time. my body is just screaming for the best coast.

more tomorrow -- have a zillion things to do and time slips through my fingers like something slippery and difficult to hold onto. got big plans for this weekend, tho, big plans.

Sunday, February 28, 2010

sunday scrimmage

woke up super late again today and did a ton of housework before heading out to watch the lafayette brawlin dolls take on the circle city socialites. it was insane. and it was just a scrimmage! girls were falling all over the place, there was cursing, an ambulance came, it was bananas. and i really wanna do it. so i think i'm ready to commit. still gotta skate around a bit more and whatever, but i feel like i found my new hobby. i'm a little nervous yet to say 'yes, i'm doing this. let's buy $200 worth of gear so i can get a skate in my face and then break my ass.' but i feel revved up about it and was stoked to see my friend becca score lots of points and be really badass. i was so tense the whole time watching, but i couldn't help yelling and cheering and getting totally wrapped up in it. how did it take me so long to get into this? and is almost-34 a ridiculous age to do something where you need a helmet and mouthguard?


after i got home, i made some mushroom marsala pasta with artichokes and asparagus. i'm in maje pasta mode these days. thanks to barilla for making multi-grain and extra protein options so i don't feel too guilty about it. now i gotta get to some abstracts for next year's mla and then take a quick shower before bed. bleh to another monday! i swear, the weekend just started!

oh, i did meet some folks out on friday for drinkin at the sparrow. i enjoyed a manhattan and a blood and sand (interesting concoction) and some kind of local ipa that was good. and raves ordered us a buttery nipple shot. so i felt compelled to get another round later on and cute christopher suggested a chocolate cake which i had never had before and which was lovely. then we all put on silly tinted sunglasses that winship said made everything look like beer and everyone got the giggles and i felt happy and very friday inside.

i forget what happened on saturday.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010


made a pasta sauce tonight that i've been seeing around the blog world and it was pretty damn good. maybe i shouldn't have read all the glowing comments b/c it may have been overhyped, but i can say that i'm definitely a fan and that i'm finding myself thinking about now, hours after dinner is over and belly is still full.

so, for lovely pictures and recipe with instructions go here or here. it was the beautiful simplicity of the sauce that got me intrigued, just a 28 0z can of san marzano tomatoes, 5 tablespoons butter, and one onion peeled and cut in half (ends trimmed off, obvi). plop all of it in a saucepan and let simmer for 45-50 minutes. take out the onion and serve over pasta of your choice. (i decided to save the onion remains for eating with some toast and cheese as a snack or for breakfast. man, i wish i liked eggs; i bet that would go awesome.) i went with barilla multigrain linguine and it was pretty magical. i did add some parm and some basil. and we had a mixed green salad and warm baguette with olive oil, balsamic, and minced garlic. hell yeah. oh, two classes of cupcake vineyard cab also.

sore from my roller skating yesterday, but in a nice subtle way. did what seems like not much today, but given my current exhaustion, i must have done enough. so it's to bed early over here and then hopefully a crazy productive thursday.

but here's to the fast-approaching end of the week! i've got burn out and wintercrazy like nobody's business. somebody get this bitch some sunshine and a cocktail. or else.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

she likes it

definitely dug the free skate tonight. i was not all that talented, but it felt really good and it was fun and that's all i wanted to find out. we just tried swizzle, crossover, plow, and t-stop. well, almost t-stop. i chickened out on actually trying to stop that way cuz my skates started to go all wonky and i did not want to crash into the 8 year old's birthday party that was also going down at the great skate.

but maje thumbs up overall. i did not fall down, tho i have a tendency to flail my arms about and lean back when it feels like i'm going to fall down which is definitely NOT the right tendency to have. and my muscles by my shins hurt and i bet my inner thighs are gonna be sore tomorrow. but yayys for putting some skates on and getting out there and feeling like i might actually be good at this with some practice.

also missed a call this morning saying that my MS meds have finally arrived at the infusion sight (woot woot), so i'll be having my first tysabri infusion in the next week or so. ack! i have nervousness about it, but very good feelings about finally starting treatment. let's just all keep an eye on me in case i get a brain infection. i'll post some symptoms soon so blog-readers and life-friends can be vigilant. of course it's super rare, so i'm mostly kidding. but david and i did come up with the plan to lock me in the bathroom in the off chance i turn into a brain fever zombie. we figure i will have water in there and then he can slide food under the door for if i get hungry. but maybe we watch too many scary movies.

Monday, February 22, 2010

charmed, i'm sure

after a long morning and afternoon of teaching prep and lecture givin, i fell into the rabbit hole that is the food blogging world. my god, it's never ending out there. but worth it, given this little gem of simplicity, elegance, and charm: i spent far too long drooling over the photos, but emerged with some serious meal plans and inspiration. plus, the chick digs bourbon. a woman after my own heart.

tonight's dinner was tasty but just a repeat, really. grilled halibut and cous cous salad. very tasty and provided enough for leftovers tomorrow, which i do appreciate. especially since tomorrow is free skate at the local rink in practice for roller derby! gah! i don't think i've put roller skates on my feet since sixth grade or something. ridic. but i can't wait. after seeing all those girls swizzle around gracefully and then crash into each other like awesome maniacs, i have been DYING to put some skates on. wish me luck!

(and i wonder if i'll make it to those leftovers or if i'll end up at yet another half-off wine night at sparrow eating fig pizza? meh. at least pretty baby will have some food around if turns into wino hour).

Sunday, February 21, 2010


where the crap has my weekend gone? and how did it get to be 1:45 in the morning?

friday david and i took it easy, watching a movie and eating dinner and just hanging out which was lovely. much needed down time.

saturday, i did absolutely nothing all day except grocery shop and make spinach dip for the hat n mustache party at raven's place. headed over there around 10:30 and had a lovely time drinking fat tires, chatting, and being silly. didn't head home until laaaaaate. took lots of fun pics, but it appears as tho someone absconded with several cameras and phones at some point in the night. very serious boo on that front. wasn't totally in love with camera, but those things are expensive and i'm not particularly made of money these days. gah. my plans to put more pictures on this blog just refuse to come to fruition.

party was fun and good for my brain despite the potentially stolen camera (maybe there's a chance its tucked away somewhere at the raves' place?). i needed a night involving snack food, dresses, and tomfoolery. today i walked back to get my car, picked up some sandwiches for me and pretty baby and got into grading mode, knocking out a lot of in-class work and reading responses. also did a bit of my own writing at vienna, so all around decent day that was (relatively) hangover free (w00t!). had a vague headache this morning, but a couple excedrine migraines and some water fixed that up nicely. OH, and i also did dishes, ironed clothes, and made a green smoothie today too!

but now i remember that i hate sunday nights because they are made inherently depressing by the workyness of mondays. i'm gonna go sulk into a martha stewart living mag until i get stressed out enough to prep my lecture for tomorrow. maybe to bed by 2:30? that's reasonable. for my ridiculous schedule, that is.

Thursday, February 18, 2010


today was boring. went to mentoring where we talked about grading papers. i could have used it eight years ago when i was starting at dvc without any kind of clue about how to teach or grade or anything. now it's just another hoop to jump through. it's nice to hear what other people are doing in their classes and to share strategies and stuff, but man, i do feel talked down to. and i do not dig.

thankfully, i'm close to wrapping things up, b/c at least with a phd after my name i'll not get talked to like i've never made a midterm before. solemn promise to myself and my future students: i will NOT turn into one of these academics who get progressively more patronizing with every degree. i will also not treat composition teachers like total lepers whose classes are actually some kind of non-classes in which no real work gets done. grading that many god damned papers a semester is hard work -- harder than talking about novels and certainly more painful.

okay, basta with the complaining. sorreh. just had to get it out. rest of the day was lames too. sat at vienna for a while messing around with a job letter for this stanford postdoc (dreamy! swoon! trying to swat down my mystical hopes for this job!) and staring zombie-like at chapter two. chapter two is way the fuck easier than chapter one, but i had zero ganas today and just kept reading food blogs instead of writing. i forgot the novel i wanted to write about today anyways, so i packed up early and grocery shopped. then prepped tomorrow's lecture so i might be able to carve out a little personal writing time before class.

starting nervous conditions next week which is teh awesomes even tho i cry every time nyasha has her freak out. i bet my students will be stoked to finally read a novel with a plot and consistent characters (oops! next time remember to START the intro to fiction class with a real novel and THEN do the connected short stories, unfinished novel thing).

highlight of today was another couscous salad. came home starving and not motivated to do anything other than cut up some vegetables. so the leftover plain couscous got olives, tomato, feta, carrots, cucumber, chopped red leaf lettuce, bell pepper, a few cannellini beans, toasted pumpkin seeds, a little annie's goddess dressing, and a healthy squeeze of lemon. super frickin tasty and healthy! it looked like something a boy would not like, but david ate what i couldn't finish and seemed pleased. i'm craving salads all the time now...maybe it's related to my insane craving for summertime.

tomorrow is friday and then on saturday the raves has her hat and mustache party! yippee! i foresee fun and silliness with a sprinkle of work. the big question is: what beverage to bring to the party? i don't know what kind of mood i'm in. will definitely update when i decide.

now, to sleep! perchance to dream!

Wednesday, February 17, 2010


didn't get to skate at the brawlin dolls practice tonight, but thankfully so - as these girls do not fuck around. i definitely felt the urge to put some skates on and get out there, but things were looking way more advanced than yours truly. really, i need to practice on the kid rink before i start weaving my way in and out of a line of fast moving ladies.

so before the new girls are allowed to skate with the big girls, we have to pass some general skills tests. which involves things like "plow," "swizzle," and "crossover." as far as i know, all i'm currently capable of is "stand" and "move slowly in forward direction." we're required to go to three consecutive free skates at the local rink and then we get signed off or whatevs. i am certainly down for some tuesday night free skate! after three weeks, we'll see if i've got the goods.

optimistic tho and i really enjoyed watching the practice. then raves and i went for pizza and beer and now home for sleeping. i seriously feel like i went through something at that practice even tho i just sat on my ass and watched! i think i was tense, esp with all the closeness of skates and bodies and people occasionally eating shit on the rink floor. which, let's be frank, was awesome.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

oh sh*t!

while this album's title may seem a little screwball veering towards fetishistic (and with some weird racial ish?), i am already MADLY IN LOVE with it. i've only heard little snippets online and am bribing my little brother to procure it for me on the quick quick. i NEED it right now. and we all know that when you need something, it is a responsibility.

also digging my recently purchased vv brown who rocks the hot pink bubble skirt below. i've been needing high energy girl music for writing lately and her album travelling with the light is taking care of business. a little retro, a little attitude, a little whimsy. dig it. like taking the tired brit 60s retro thing that started with miss winehouse and putting some speed and electronics under its ass.

i have also been really wanting new jewelry lately. since i'm on shopping lockdown, this may need to stay in daydream mode.

anyway, my goodnight benedryl is kicking in (too nervy to fall asleep naturally these days) and, along with myself, i need to put this late 60s pop obsession to bed.

Monday, February 15, 2010

midwest to southwest and back

had an awesome long weekend in new mexico with the parents. we had tooooons of good food, wine, and hangout time. i think the highlights for me were scalo in the nob hill area of albuquerque and prairie star in bernalillo. i had housemade spinach and ricotta ravioli at scalo and there was a little jazz band with stand up bass, cute girl on guitar, and cute boy horn player. the food was killer and the band was super fun and lively. i had roasted sea bass at prairie star which was tasty and we all had manhattans to start and shared a bottle of zin with dinner. our waiter was cute and friendly and may or may not have flirted with me there at the end. my mom and i also managed to co-drop a bowl of ginger sauce all over the table, splattering pops. oooops. but we all cracked up about it and the whole dinner was full of laughs, really. love the parents.

also explored around albuquerque and drove up to santa fe for saturday which was charming and cozy-looking. i gave my talk friday morning and then promptly forgot all about work for the next few days which was awesome. sorta feelin it now, but the trip was well worth it.

got back sunday night and dove right back into the work grind. i'm looking forward to my tomorrow though; i love my tuesdays! can't wait to park it at vienna and get a shit load of work done. i'm feeling really positive about the writing, so i'm just gonna run with it.

also looking forward to my first roller derby practice on weds! i'm not sure how good i'll be on the roller skates, but i'm ready for some adventure. gotta mix it up when you live in the snowy midwest. now for a quick shower before sleep!

Monday, February 8, 2010

productivity monster!

i have been a busy girl as of late. had a pretty packed weekend and hit the ground running today by piling up on books at the library so i could prep for my unit on the first man. the existentialists have their problems, but god damn if that book isn't so beautiful it makes me wanna cry. seriously luminous, camus. and he just hits all my literary soft spots -- sunshine, ocean, romance, and a wildly passionate love of life. this is the kinda shit that gets my blood moving. will try not to have hurt feelings if the students don't dig.

so this weekend, i started out on friday by cleaning my apartment like a raging cleaning maniac. my landlady wanted to show it on saturday afternoon, and it was a shitbox for reals. now it is no longer the shitbox! scrubbed the shower, vacuumed, look out trash and the random boxes that had accumulated, did laundry, dishes, and generally scoured. then i was in desperate need of a drink, so i met up with folks at sparrow around 2am. had a couple of beers, relaxed, and came home refreshed.

saturday we had big plans to go ice skating but found the rink closed due to 'unseasonably warm weather.' wha? seriously, it was sunny during the day, but it couldn't have been more than 40 degrees. i was so bummed out. but we did have a nice dinner at bistro before that and then, upon seeing the sad closed ice rink, we went back to bistro and had desert and another bottle of wine. :)

then to sparrow where we hung out and danced and chatted and then back home for me while the others went to have shenanigans at winship's place. sunday i just slept, grocery shopped, and cooked up some foods.

fun meals recently have included whole wheat pancakes with sauteed apples (eeee!) and cedar grilled mahi mahi with creamed kale and sweet potatoes. yummms. not sure what's next on the list, but i'll be heading to albuquerque for a conference on thursday morning, so i might keep it simple until then. plus, i've got 900 million things to finish up by the 15th.

i might have a heart attack or a stroke before then. i can't seem to calm down. even when i'm "relaxing" my brain is going a mile a minute with all the applications to be submitted, papers to be graded, job letters to write, and lectures to give. needless to say, i've been skipping the gym again. haven't gone since last monday. blah.

but it looks like ice skating will happen tomorrow, and then i meet the parents in the 'querque for hiking, restaurant adventures, and santa fe visitations. that will surely be restorative. and then i think things will slow down a touch.

okay, must grade three more papers tonight and then i'm allowed to go to bed. tomorrow is finishing the bilsland fellowship application (it would be a daydream sunshine love crush kind of joy if i got that bloody thing, but let's not get our hopes up), and finishing my conference paper. thankfully conference paper is also a dissertation part. double dipping is so necessary right now.

xox. sleep tight, blog world.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

goodnight, wednesday

meh kinda day today. graded, taught, made a quick target run, watched zombieland with the bf, did some dishes, blah blah. did get to chat with miller tonight which is always fun and makes me feel normal and grounded, like i have a life outside of lafayette, indiana. and a girl needs that reminder now and again.

looking forward to my tomorrow of writing, meeting with some students, and maybe hitting the gym. i'm also thinking about a trip to the local mall (ick, that place is like public transportation with a hot topic and a yankee candle store). but i needs some sugar scrub baaaaaaaad and my favorite black tights just developed a sizable run in the crotchal region. so i might just gather my courage and do it.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

forgets forgets

so as soon as i say i'm ready for my imbalanced work crap, i come up on a series of pretty great, well-rounded days. fine by me.

monday, i had an awesome intro to fiction class in which plenty of students talked and i felt like they got the cool shit that happens in the dew breaker re: theme and format. man, i can't wait until i can teach this book again because the stuff danticat does with speech/silence in each short story is stunning. plus, the structure of the book is just asking for cool undergrad exploration. the fact that there are essentially two beginnings and two endings is sort of cool, plus the circularity and the significance of the central story. it's just an ideal book for teaching an introductory fiction class -- you can really make clear the idea of authorial choice. like, stress the fact that fiction does not come out of a writer's pores like some kind of sweatgenius. novels are about choice and decision and thought and craft.

after that, i hit cardio blast for a super fun workout. i seriously dig adam's classes mostly b/c the cool-downs are way silly hip hop sillyness. a bunch of model-walks, snap-walks, sprinkler dances, and freestylin is exactly what i need to remember that i'm a free loose body in the world and not some teacher drone who is like some brain on wheels.

today i wrote my ass off for five hours and ended up with only six pages of cohesive chapter, but thirteen pages of ideas, and a decent sense of where i'm headed. then went to half-off wine night with the raves, win, and cute christopher where we enjoyed several bottles and several pizzas. we had a fig pizza (figs, bleu cheese, carmelized onions), a margherita (standard), and an el diablo (romesco, red onions, spicy red peppers). rocked the house, for reals.

but i forgot my camera! i've decided (and have gotten permission from the local cool kids) to take pics of the adventures! i need to just learn to bring camera with me...

i'm feeling super lovely balanced now. oh! also monday i submitted half an application to ucla's mellon postdoc. not a whole one cuz i don't have all my letters of rec in. but i don't care! i gave what i could and submitted my shit anyway. fuck it. better something than nothing.

now for some faceplant sleeping and starting it up again tomorrow. i am renewed!

(and i watched 'whip it' last night and liked it, for the most part. am feeling inspired to get more tattoos and join the lafayette brawlin dolls -- lafayette's own kick ass roller derby team. not to be all follower or nothin.)


Sunday, January 31, 2010

embracing imbalance

so i read all these food blogs and they're mostly about "healthy balance." you know, working out, eating well but not obsessively, enjoying a drink or two, &c. i really respect that concept and i keep trying to make it work, but i've just recently come to terms with the fact that i simply am not capable of achieving balance. never have been. maybe someday i'll be able to pull it off, but certainly not now.

so i've decided to embrace my cockeyed, screwball, up-and-down lifestyle. there's always one thing totally dominating my time and right now it's work. i've been going nonstop lately on school stuff. i've checked a zillion things off my to-do list, and i have a zillion and one left. i'm playing catch up in every other area of my life, but god damn it if i'm not on top of this school shit. maybe barely keeping my head above water, but it's working. so i haven't worked out, called my friends or family, or done anything nice for myself in forever.

this weekend, though, i did try to level things out a bit. vacuumed the apartment (yikes, dog hair everywheres), grocery shopped, and went to a cocktails and movie night at vicky's place. i very much enjoyed the array of spicy snacks, drinks, and company and managed to get not totally soused. which meant that today was pretty productive.

but not productive enough. gonna get back to it here and maybe one of these days i'll get a better amount of fun, friends, and culture back in my life. i fricking hate how STUCK i am right now. no concerts, no art shows, no trips, no new restaurants or bars, no nothing. just work and snow and fucking fellowship applications and lectures and postdoc things due and grading and SHIT! GAH I WANT SOMETHING THAT LOOKS MORE LIKE A LIFE!!!!

but i'm embracing, not bitching. embracing. breathe. if i work hard enough now, i can earn something lifelike for next year. and i have to keep telling myself that 'unemployed phd' is a fine job title as far as i'm concerned. if i know you, i might try to sleep on your couch next year. but by that time, i will have shifted to total fun imbalance so don't worry, you'll enjoy it.