Monday, September 28, 2009

where does all the time go?

i feel like i've been running around all week and yet don't have many stories to tell. there have been gym classes, a pretty awesome martha stewart pasta recipe involving a spinach and pumpkin seed pesto, drinks out on the town, and a ton of grading.

one fun night started out with just me and the raves at bistro for some casual martinis. it ended up with us befriended by noisy, curious strangers and doing irish car bombs. and a shot of patron. and some champagne. then we got invited back to a portly man's apartment but we graciously declined and i walked home to sleep half of sunday away while raven got up for spinning class and some other really too active sounding stuff. lafayette can be a peculiar town when you let it be.

took becketts to the vet on thursday in indianapolis to fix her severe allergy sitch. i think there has been some progress. or maybe i'm just projecting because i spent $320 dollars on a variety of pills and blood tests. crossing fingers that doglet will be less itchy and less molty looking soon. i'm proud of myself that i managed to get her over to the vet, get a hummus sandwich at pita pit, and get home before teaching all while just vaguely hung over from a wednesday night at the sparrow. i guess i have been going out a bit more recently...

also learned that night at the sparrow why i don't like jenga and it's totally valid! in jenga, there is no winner -- there are only non-losers! how can you get invested in a game if the entire goal is not to be successful but to be not-unsucessful? that game is for people who hate themselves. or for people who like to see others fail and then laugh at them. so, i feel totally justified in my dislike. always rather achieve a positive than avoid a negative, right? so face on that, jenga.

tomorrow should be pretty much all sunshine and light over here, as long as i can get it together to work on my job letter and some conference abstracts. i have seriously burning daydreams about heading back to cali, so i'm sure i can find the motivations.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

what a full and lovely sunday

ended up with a more action packed sunday than i would have imagined. nice that i'm just showing movies in both my classes tomorrow. so, slept in and then had a leisurely english muffin and almond butter breakfast with my morning internet and cup of caramel tea. then david and headed to greyhouse for a bit where i worked on my job letter and made it almost readable rather than total rubbish.

came home, quick changed, and headed off for some tennis with a couple of english department folks. i had hoped to dominate and squash all contenders with my tennis skill and general aggression feelings, but i won one game and lost two. then it started to rain. but i did feel like i was getting warmed up and starting to remember how to play again; i mean, craps, it's been over a year since i've picked up a racket. gearing up for some consistent sunday tennis now and that makes me happy.

then home for some leftovers for dinner -- a new mahi mahi recipe that involved lots of sauteed onions, white wine, whole wheat croutons, and gruyere (well, recipe called for gruyere but it was way too expensive at storesy the other day so i subbed some parm and swiss and that turned out grand). had it with a lettuce, apple, pecan, and gorgonzola salad. so good!

then to raven's for some tv watching (new jason schwartzman show on hbo -- pretty funny!) and snacking that didn't need to happen but did anyway. had some nice girl time and made gym plans for the week.

swell day all around and now i'm ready for a good amount of asleep time before this looming monday. i'm thinking of all my friends and family tonight and wishing they were closer and wishing them lots of luck in their endeavors this week! it seems like so many people have big things to do. i'll close my eyes with good thoughts for everyone tonight. xx.

Friday, September 18, 2009

mucho mejor

closing in on 3 in the a.m. here in lafayette, in. pretty much my ideal bed time.

so the evening picked up. i realized that the sour mood was probably hormonally based--ah yes, the eternally elusive yet so right on time pms. an entire lifetime of this baloney and still i get confused. i should know that when i can't really figure out what's bugging me, it's prolly the premenstrual crankies. extra rage, extra malaise, extra whatever-that-other-french-word-is-that-people-mispronounce, well you know what i mean.

so, unhappiness pinpointed, i graded my last two papers and started on some reading. then texted by the raven (glowing peerless uproarious raven!), donned some liquid black eyeliner, messed up the hair, put on some black clothes and heels and headed to sparrow. enjoyed two ketel one n' sodas (+ healthy squeeze of lime) and chatted with a guy from her dance company whose name escapes me.

starving, i convinced them to go with me to d.t. kirby's where i inhaled a salad sandwich and their frickin magical house-made french fries with their magical house-made ranch. also had to have some ketchups, claro. split a bucket of beers and watched the drunks stumble around and be entertaining. watched the owners holler loud over the clientele, happy and prosperous with their cozy late night bar being the only one in town that serves food til three. their bar stuffed with people gulping beer and knocking back shots and sipping cocktails and crunching sandwiches made me so happy. i love love love the local places doing well and being successful. hope they're raking in the cash money.

so now i'm home after a responsible 4 drink night, content and bellyfull but not overly so. ready for sleep and work and sunshine and a good light run tomorrow at c-bog. happiness regained.

but before turning in, i'm curious to inquire about other drinkers out there. i find that four drinks out is a very lightly tipsy night for yours truly, mostly sober in fact. 6 is tips. 10 is drunk but not sick. more than that hasn't happened for a while, so that's prolly good. but by my calculations, a grad school night out can definitely end a girl up anywhere between 6-10 on any given night. all this bodes well for my liver, i'm sure. so what are your general drink numbers? i've lost all sight of what a "normal" person imbibes.

but i'd say i'm averaging 4-7 for nights out and 0-1 on nights in. positive strides for a girl who used to pride herself on drinking large men under the table.

now i just go for keeping things even. wink.

you shouldn't let other people get your kicks for you

listening to some bob dylan (i will NEVER get sick of 'like a rolling stone' no matter how overplayed it might be. i think it's just delightful.) and finishing up some grading, and then hopefully out for a few hours before retiring for slumbers.

def need a break from the student papers for a minute tho, so bloggery it is. had a pretty nice and productive day all around -- taught, did dishes, went to greyhouse with pretty baby to work for awhile. while there i enjoyed a nonfat chai latte and graded like a superhero, blasting through 8 papers--leaving only two more to go!

but somehow i feel a mite depressed in the back of my head. what's that about? i don't mind that my weekend involves no big plans; in fact, i kind of like that. class went okay today and i'm all set for monday already. so what gives? i can't put my finger on it, and i don't like that one bit.

to remedy, i will finish those remaining papers and do some cleany type housework. perhaps eliminating some clutter will help with my cloudy horizons.

hope to have something cheerier in the morning!

Thursday, September 17, 2009

in the throws of a minor gym obsession

went to another 20/20/20 class today with raven and the instructor was a cute, muscley, gay boy who had lots of rhythm. very fun overall. i am so obsessed with exercising again after my long break from it! i feel sort of ridiculously heavenly in my body right now. it's not all fab or nothin, but all the parts are working well and i haven't even been that tired at the gym lately. i guess i'm just stoked that over 3 weeks off didn't mess me up that much. and (knock on wood or other such superstitious behavior) i've not pulled anything or even overdone it. taking tomorrow off for good measure.

afterwards, i showered and got down with some annie's mac and cheese (to which i added some steamed brocolli and lot's of frank's red hot). not as good as the white cheddar version, but tasty regardless. had a little leftover smoked salmon baguette thing from bistro, but could only choke down so much of it. too fishy and too squishy for me at this juncture in my fish eating. i was waaaay more into the creme fraiche, capers, and other little bits and pieces than i was into the salmonyness. now i'm contemplating poking around for something sweet...

the other parts of my night mostly looked like this:

me, laptop, and bulldog cuddles. i looooooooove my cuddles from beckett. she's pretty cat-like in terms of affection, so the paw and face smashed into my thigh is pretty much all the snuggling i get until it's bed time and then she curls up by my belly and snores big snorey grumbles until morning. poor puppy is still allergy-ridden and losing hair left and right despite a change in her food and a new antihistamine. guess i'll be heading to a bulldog specialist in indy soon to see if he has any new ideas. pobrecita. she's still a happy little monster, so i suppose that's what matters most.

looking forward to the weekend very much, even tho it will involve a lot of grading. i expect that fun and happiness will abound as well.

sleep tight, internets.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

good and good

did a little 20/2o/2o class with raves at the gym today and it was pretty swell. everything seemed to go so fast that all of a sudden it was all done and i'm all tired and sweaty and sore and not bored. so that was cool.

then shower, light dinner, and meet up with several folks at bistro for half-off wine night and snacks. lovely lovely. glad i wasn't the only one who didn't want to wrap up at 9:30 when things seemed to wind down at bistro. several of us wandered the few blocks to sparrow where almost everyone enjoyed the evening special -- sam adams and a shot of bourbon. yes, please. i had one of those and two salty dogs.

finally, at the end there it was raves and win and i who (and i hope i'm representing them appropriately) NEVER want to go home and always want to stay stay stay and have whatever fun it is last forever. we decided to make this last midwestern fall/winter in lafayette the best one and full of adventures: apple orchards, corn mazes, big winter boots and hot buttered rums at the bar. i PROMISE to make this winter a not miserable experience. i have such a hard time here usually because i feel so trapped. and so cold! but adventures will abound.

because this is my LIFE! and i need to find the best things that i can where i am. so adventures to follow. stay tuned!

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

ah, my body is mine again

finally went to the gym and it was awesome. did a 55 minute cardio kick class that was stuffy, hot, and chock full of people, and i didn't care at all! man, i needed that workout. after being sick for almost two weeks and stressbombed with school prep the week before that, i went waaaaaay too long in between exercising. and when i'm not working out, i'm generally a cranky girl. so yayys for the co-rec. i payed my $45 for the semester and, as far as i'm concerned, the pass has paid for itself so helpful it has already been to the mental health.

came home, vacuumed, showered, and ate the holy hell out of a hummus wrap and some way-too-healthy amy's vegetable soup. hot sauce, parm, and tons of pepper helped, but i'll not be buying that one again. hummus wrap, tho, was everything i thought it could be. one extremely large glass of cab and some sparkly water also played a nice part of dinner. and i made myself have three large waters before the wine so that i can hopefully avoid the post-workout wine headache.

feeling quite happy even though i tossed aside a little work in order to go the gym today. time to get back at it, i suppose. it's the closing days of on the road and the beginning days of the ethnographic profile unit for my respective classes. also in the midst of grading personal response papers and "writing" a job letter which so far has resulted in 5 papers graded and a lot of general staring. time to suck it up and dive back into the fray.

i think i'm going to sleep so very well tonight. i hope you do too.

Monday, September 14, 2009

the great honesty initiative

maybe this is a little heavy for a monday night, but it's a part of the larger jen's great health project which is currently underway here at nobeckettno. to ease into things, maybe i'll tell you that my simple but delicious dinner really hit the spot. some amy's cream of tomato soup with homemade croutons (garlic salt was oddly key here), parmesan, cracked black pepper and crushed red pepper. one small piece of organic spinach and feta pizza. one point five glasses lapostolle 'casa' cab. sentence fragments that i would scold my students for, but tasty dinner bits nonetheless.

so a lot of us have character traits we're not proud of, but i'm of the firm belief that people can willingly change most of these given real determination and some time to get it right. i have a trait that has begun to horrify me and makes me want to put down everything else until i iron it out. but, hopefully, i can fix this in addition to keeping my job and shit.

somewhere in my development, the old "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all" turned into, "say the nicest thing you can" which is politeness gone all kinds of wrong. because instead of disagreeing with someone, i started to just pick out the things i thought were okay and respond to those instead. bad news.

i've grown into a MAJE conflict avoider. i hate upsetting people or even making them uncomfortable. when i realized i didn't even want to tell the blockbuster girl what i thought of a movie i had rented b/c she obviously liked it and i thought it was craptastic, i knew i had some ish. i mean, the movie girl will recover if i tell her i hated it.

now, i'm not a total fucktard agreer; i do disagree with people and i've had my share of arguments. i just see this gross thing in myself that i don't like and it's time now to knock it off. my urge to be nice is fine. i'm a kind person. that's good, and i'm glad i'm nice. but not at the expense of just saying what i think.

and when did my value become not giving my honest opinion, but making people happy? when did i decide comfortable was better than true? and a scarier question: why?

i think this will be a hard habit to break, but i'm up to it. and i think before i can figure out how to be honest without being rude, i might just have to wing it and go filter free for a while.

so, if i seem oddly bitchy for a while, sorry. xoxo.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

for reals, now.

it is time to get healthy.  i'm finally over this cold and i'm feeling good and it's time to get the ducks, put them in a row, and make them do turbo kick at the co-rec.  for effing serious.  i'm tired of feeling like i'm one step behind my life and three steps behind my health goals.  i've done well on the class prep front, slightly worse on the dissertation front, and suck balls on the working out front.

all will begin to be remedied on the tomorrow! i did some important things today too like washing the sheets multiple times (beckett had a minor poopcident, very fun to wake up to), washing beckett, doing dishes, planning classes, making comments on student drafts, &c.  

yesterday, i treated myself to a short indy trip in which i shopped my little organic heart out at trader joe's and saw my dress resolve crumble before my eyes at anthro.  but whatevs, it is a very multi purpose kinda dress and it was on sale and then marked down even more b/c of a little mascara stain.  $60.96 instead of $128?  you bet it's gonna happen.  and it's a little orange treasure, see?

not that i look quite like that in it.  add abt three more thighs to this girl's thigh and we're closer.  (sadly, my hair does look like this with some frequency lately.  bummer that the knotty, messy look only works on models.)  also got a whacked out necklace that looks sort of arty 60s.  decided to walk away from several cute but $$$ basics at the j.crew.  winter stuff at full price there is laughable.  $98 for a plainish sweater.  my arse.  and the blazer i crushed on for $188 had cheap-ass buttons and wasn't even properly pressed.  so eff that.  i'll pick it up in a couple months for $69.95.

well, i've hit my money and clothes threshold for a while.  and i swear, i don't want to step in a grocery store even once this week.  tho i stupidly forgot sparkly water, bananas, and diet caffeine free coke on my last run and those are all pretty much daily necessities.  (have gotten myself down to one coke a day, btw).

wore new dress out (along with a cute silver and crystal necklace from the parents) last night to meet up with raves, bk, and win.  had snacks and martinis at bistro and then a couple of beers at knickerbocker before retiring kinda early.  it was mellow all around, but very nice to get out of the house.  i've been feeling sort of shut in and depressed about it lately.  also stopped by k.dee's today for some tea and work time and that was nice.  so super sunny, not a cloud in the sky kind of day here.  

so, looking forward to an energetic and super productive week!  here's to a little less talk and a little more action.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

midnight, stuffed

we've been eating really late dinners recently and tonight was no exception.  sat down with a full plate of food at 10:30pm.  it's like spain all over again but without the beauty and general sexiness.  sigh.  but when breakfast happens at noon and lunch at 5, it's hard not to get hungry again at 10.  it's a little screwy, but it works.  i'm at a happy weight and i was healthy girl all day.  there was oatmeal with blueberries and almond butter for breakfast, veg sandwich for lunch, and dinner was grilled marinated mahi mahi, sweet potato, baked beans, and small salad.  pretty delish all around.

i'm such a creature of habit, it's kind of funny.  i get on food kicks and eat the same thing for weeks on end.  thankfully, pretty baby is like that too and doesn't mind that i've been making the same veg sandwich off and on for like a month now.  if you'd like to meet it, here it is:

it's made of:

- whole wheat arnold's sandwich thin
- 2 tbs. (or less) reduced fat chive and onion cream cheese
- tomato
- cucumber
- black olives
- sprouts
- walnuts
- red onion
- red leaf lettuce
- and sometimes avocado

vegetable sandwich's best friends are baby dill pickles and stacy's pita chips.  and sometimes hummus.  and always an ice cold caffeine free diet coke.  i am really in love with this sandwich.  

but enough abt me and the sandwich.  was a fairly productive girl today, but still have a few things to do before sleep time.  like put the damn clean sheets on the bed.  which i ALWAYS save until i'm tired and don't want to do it but obviously have to do it because there are no sheets on the bed.  (i only have two pairs of sheets and i hate putting a clean pair in the closet because they invariably smell like closet instead of right-out-of-the-dryer sheets and then i get annoyed).  probably this says a lot abt me, but i don't know what.

also should shove more dishes into dishwasher because my favorite little pot is dirty and i don't like to make my morning tea in any other pot.  there are a lot of reasons the little pot is the best one, but i haven't the energy to go into it.

and did you know that i drink tea every morning now instead of coffee?  ever since food poisoning extravaganza in san diego, i have almost no desire for our friend the coffee.  i'm almost sad abt it because i'm a coffee person, god damn it!  tea is for people who like doilies and british shit and things that need to be treated delicately. 

but, argh, i'm a tea drinker now despite myself.  i even bought a double bergamot english breakfast tea yesterday.   isn't it funny when you change right out from under yourself?  i love that people change, it reminds me that anything is possible in this world.  tho i usually prefer to do my changing on purpose.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

something sparkly

in the mood for something lovely, like a party or a trip or a special compliment or a new exciting happening.  been working hard and feeling sickly and now i'd like some excitement outside of the classroom, work realm.  gonna try to get something sparkly together soon.

and what should i be for halloween this year?  and can it involve pink crinoline without being little-bo-peepish?  gonna start some planning...

still have gnarly headache, so i think it's time to walk the doglet and head upstairs toward beautiful pillow and cozy bedness.  it is time for this cold to be gone from me so that i might get back to feeling like a human being again -- back to working out, responsible cocktail consumption, and better, less zombie-like teaching abilities.  

bought extraordinary amounts of produce at the grocery today to help out on that healing up front.  then i had mac n' cheese for dinner.  ha.  but it was amy's organic white cheddar and i put steamed brocolli in it AND i had a salad.  

anyway, here's to a clean(er) and happy september.  i'm ready for some excitement!

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

long snoozy weekend

so that cold hit fairly hard and forced me to sleep away almost my entire weekend.  when i woke up, i watched a brickload of heroes season three.  not thrilling, but certainly healing.  all i had left today was a cough, screaming headache, and maje tiredness.  much improved overall, tho.  i'll not get into details, for your sake.

sent a chapter draft to rowe today which is good progress.  i also have a terrible draft of a job letter and a worse version of a dissertation abstract.  at some point today, i just simply lost the ability to focus on my job materials.  instead i played around looking for conference call-for-papers which is job-related yet way more fun than trying to write about yourself.  then i planned kerouac: day one for great american books.  there will be jazz, there will be about 15 minutes of the source, and there will be a mini-lecture on sal, dean, and the ladies.  friday, we'll talk america and authority, and next week onto my favorite on the road lecture/discush 'jazz, IT, and race' in which i get to explain what a wine spodiodi is and we all try to define IT without ruining IT entirely.

can't say that i dig everything the beats are up to, but long before i even knew who kerouac was, i had the "the only people for me are the mad ones" lines scrawled across poster paper and hanging over my bed.  and isn't it beautiful when your work feels like art?  there is beauty and joy and total embrace of life in those crazy speeding across america not afraid to be weird screaming maniac beats.  sadness, disappointment, wrong turns, and loneliness too.  but we'll save that for next friday when we say goodbye my 50s mad men.  until then it's all fabulous yellow roman candles exploding.

but enough about work!  in the actual doing-of-things arena, i am looking very much forward to the long anticipated date night (which was postponed due to sickness and general malaise).  also making an indy run this friday for trader joe's and (eeek!) a mall trip.  just basics, guys, that's all!  no party dresses, no leather jacket, no fancy knickers.  i may need supervision tho because i am craving a schoolboy blazer, something black and sequined, some kind of deliciously soft sweater situation, tight black turtlenecks, and something absolutely candy colored and childish.  okay, budget budget budget.  i will willpower myself into responsible spending behaviors.

so, i know you've all seen it before and are probably all blah whatever, but i can't help myself:

and I shambled after as I've been doing all my life after people who interest me, because the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars...

- j.k.

see now, aren't you glad i did it?

Sunday, September 6, 2009

"my life philosophy?  i like the idea of being irreverent and free."  

- andree putman 

Thursday, September 3, 2009

still half asleep

man, i'm wiped out and i barely had any work-related responsibilities today.  found out that one of my students has H1N1 which is kinda sucky.  so i'm planning on resting up and coating myself with purell for the rest of the semester.  i am so not interested in getting sick, y'all.

looking forward to closing up the Bread Givers section tomorrow in Great American Books.  they have their first reading response due, and i'm excited to hear what they have to say.  i may be the only teacher that loves reading through those kinds of responses.  i do tho!

anyway, dullsville post i guess.  i have been sneezing up a motherfucking storm and i just feel tired as hell.  feels like allergies rather than a cold/flu type thing.  but i'm putting myself to bed reagrdless.

super major long weekend ahead of me full of plans for relaxin, sunnin, and a little bit of writin.  plus, dinner date with pretty baby on saturday!  totally love those.

back with something slightly more entertaining soon, i promise.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

sleepy baby

uff, big night out last night really took it out of me.  been sorta zombieish and minorly brain damaged all day as a result.  but it was half off bottles of wine at the sparrow, and it just had to happen.  i also enjoyed their 'diablo' pizza minus the snausage.  it has romesco sauce, red onions and fiery crushed red pepper.  very delish and very much waiting for me in the fridge right now.  

kinda had that hangover euphoria today as the headache started to fade and all felt right with the world.  things are really good all around, i think.  gotta work hard on a few things so as to secure myself employment for next year, but that's fine by me.  i'm really digging my american lit class for reals and i can't wait to teach again on friday.  what a pleasant feeling!  and i'm stoked to do my introductory lecture for kerouac next week.  the 40s and 50s are such a fascinating time period and kerouac is such a crazy mad loon, it makes me all jazz feeling and wanting to tromp around in the wilderness or get dolled up in all black and stay up all night in new york chasing mad musicians around and talking until all hours about life and shit.

but now i'm so sleepy that all i want to do is go curl up in bed with fashion mags and my poochie and a bottle of sparkle water.  and then sleep and sleep and sleep.  man, i can't wait.  my bed is so comfy too.