Sunday, August 30, 2009

half wine drunk watching gossip girl

was how i spent a good portion of my weekend.  happily.  also cuddled up with a couple home magazines and just felt good and relaxed all around.  week one was, generally speaking, a success.  i did let myself relax for most of the weekend tho, so it's up early tomorrow to make sure that week two is equally positive.  yeah, tomorrow's gonna hurt a little bit.  do-able though and well worth the emotional ease of the weekend.

not much else to go over.  my quest to have absurdly long hair is going well.  i'm having some trouble fighting the urge to buy fall clothes. really, the weather was all mid 60s autumnal this weekend and the most recent j.crew catalogue is full of lovely little quirky basics.  i think i might go with some kind of slouchy menswear vibe this fall. i did an embarrassing thing today that i'm willing to admit publicly, in all blog-honesty.  i put my favorite ripped out pages of recent magazines into a folder which i labeled 'fall look.'  yeah, i did it.  it's lame.  but the other folder i have labeled 'inspirations' is overflowing with stuff!  (which is good, i think).  

currently, i'm obsessed with some weird stuff.  usually, i love really wacky plates, dishes, cups, etc. the more colorful and weird, the better.  but lately i can't stop using (and sort of hiding away so that pretty baby might be compelled to choose other things) my pristine all white stuff from crate & barrel.  a big mug with an elegant handle, in particular.  i'm in love with it.  and a big white bowl that is the perfect size.   

i'm obsessed with the idea of one day having a ruby ring.  but not the gaudy really red kind of rubies; i want the hot pink kind and i want it to be sort of organic looking and not all precise.
i can't wait until i am old and retired and have long grey hair that i can wear in a bun because that's when i'm going to have a greenhouse and do the serious gardening that i don't yet know how to do.  

other obsessions: greek yogurt, arnold's sandwich thins, lindt's 'chili' chocolate, gossip girl, nash bridges, dexter, sandwiches with a pickle on the side, garden salsa flavored sunchips.

okay, now i'm hungry and i want to watch tv, but i need to finish my martha stewart mag and look at my lecture/discussion plans for tomorrow.  (oooh, check out the spread on martha's houseplants in the september issue.  her table full of cacti and other succulents got my little interiors heart racing!).

Monday, August 24, 2009

first day butterflies

still get em.  totally had them today, but once i started talking i was fine.  both my classes look like they'll be fun, tho my 106 folks looked sorta obliterated.  but by 2:30pm on yr first day of college, who wasn't a pile of stressed out, confused mush?  i thought one or two of them might start crying.  but that will go away soon enough and they won't be so freaked out about writing.  then they'll start oversleeping for their 2:30pm class.  again, tho, who doesn't sometimes need to sleep until 3:00pm on a weekday?  i think it's my internal 18 yr old that makes me an effective teacher.  wink.

anyway, i am also completely exhausted even tho i did little more than take roll and go over the syllabus with each class.  got organized around the office and around the house and did some much needed vacuuming.  and took out the trash. and did dishes.  and washed the sheets.  and called my MS med peeps and my mom.  so, that's enough actually to make a girl tired.  

last night i had two nightmares IN A ROW about missing the first day of class.  funny how decidedly un-mysterious dreams can be sometimes.  it's like sometimes yr psyche can't even handle symbols.  hoping for less fitful slumbers tonight.

until tomorrow, then!  with eyes set gleaming toward the weekend, i bid goodnight.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

grey skies for miles

the sundayest of sundays is back again and i have the blues.  touch of a hangover from salty dogs and several glasses of wine didn't help much either.  plus, i was so stoked to go lounge my hangover away at the pool that i slathered sunscreen and put on bikini before i even looked out the window.  grey skies for miles, people.  but i kept my bathers on until 6pm, just in case because i'm a hopeful girl.

no luck.  now i'm staring down the first day of school and feeling a little grim about it.  i had some big plans about writing a list of positives and resolutions for the new semester, but i'm having problems in the mustering department.  i just feel the weight on me.  see my pretty horizon crowded with hard-work clouds and no-fun clouds.  okay, i better make a looking forward to list, at least.  otherwise i might cry on my trustworthy compy.

(right after i cry abt how far behind i am.  sob.)

- group exercise classes are free for the first two weeks!  i'm gonna get so strong and fit this semester and i don't even care if i end up looking a little beasty. it's time to work it out!

- i'm going to teach like a monster rockstar dragon jujitsu style beacon of excitement and knowledge and happiness.  and i'm gonna add another teaching award to the list.

- i have heartburn. stupid hummus wrap. stupid too much booze last night.

- i will finish my PhD this year.  i might not have a job, but i have friends who will put up a sexy out of work doctor, right?  

- i'm gonna cook up a storm.  shrimp is next on my list of things to integrate into my diet.

- and i'm going to take advantage of 1/2 price wine nights at sparrow and bistro FOR SURE.  i'm going to budget a little more money towards going out to eat.  it makes me happy, and i usually have enough leftovers to feed me for another night anyway.  worth it.

- i'm going to find that dinners out money by cutting back on clothes spending.  i have plenty of frickin clothes.  so don't let me tell you that i need a new cocktail dress.  i don't.

- i do need new boots tho for winter.  tall ones.  that are leather and sexy.

- with schedule going back to normal, i'll have time to talk to my friends and family more.  i miss them, the friends and family!

- i'll start planning the arizona girl reunion trip b/c planning is fun and so are girlfriend trips.

- i'll chill the fuck out abt finding a job this year.  focus energy on making all of my work really good and making myself an excellent job candidate.  nobody wants to hire the half-asser who just threw things together in a mad rush to make the deadline.

- i'll study at coffeeshops more this semester.  it feels good to be out of the house and to be surrounded by the warm hum of people chatting and studying.


Tuesday, August 18, 2009

up for air

school prep time is upon me and i feel suffocated already!  had a brief wisp of romance while buying office supplies and ordering books, but that's done gone.  it was a total clusterfuck on campus today and that sucked the wind from my sails.  nothing like a crowd of sweaty 18 yr old knuckleheads and their knucklehead parents to make a teacher loll her eyes back into her head and then faceplant into bottle of cabernet.

i do love teaching tho and once i wrap up these syllabi and get my course reader in order, it'll be whatevs.  back to business.  summer kinda sucked a lot anyway.  i might get new tattoos to commemorate getting through it all.  i'm going to do some more research this week, so we'll see.  i've already got a lead on a promising local tattoo artist!  not many people i know approve of the idea and those who do i suspect of just wanting something different to happen.  don't give a shit tho.  i'm so tired of living my life caring about what people think of my decisions.  if i don't get an academic job b/c i have some cursive letters on my hands, no big.  a job like that would most likely be miserable anyway.  so i'm sorta at the end of my rope, but i'm happy i'm alive and i have a stir crazy wild ragey feeling inside that means i'm going to do something mildly socially inappropriate.  might as well be tattoos.

plus, kat von d has some new tattoo concealer at sephora. wink.

alright.  back down in it.  

Friday, August 14, 2009

work, sun, vinho verde

making up for lost pool time was a major goal this week, and i'm happy to report that i was very successful.  also managed to clear up my thinking for a couple work things and (i think) straighten out the organization of chapter one.  a frakking draft of this thing is going to my advisor on monday, no matter what shape it's in.  so it's another working weekend for jb.  but that's fine.  i'm feeling ready to get shit done.

plus, kinda went big last night so i think my out-fix is taken care of.  went to tropicanoe in the late afternoon with raven and then met up with win and bk for light dinner and drinks at the sparrow.  raves and i split an awesome spicy pizza and house salad with bleu cheese and she introduced me to a tasty and affordable kind of white wine i've been meaning to try -- vinho verde.  slightly effervescent and really appley tasting to my no real wine knowledge palate.  but i liked it and i rarely like white wines.  it helped that this guy wasn't sweet at all; i hate the sweet.  and the bottle was so pretty!  see?

the tiny pic doesn't really do it justice, but you get the idea.  aveleda fonte is its name -- at only $16 at the bar, it must be a real steal in the regular store.  

after dinner we went back to bk's and watched the grey gardens with drew barrymore who did a seriously stunning job of playing little edie.  really, she just channeled that crazy broad.  i enjoyed parts of the movie, but i get so sad when i think of how things worked out for them.  i hate to think of the limited opportunities for women back then and i also hate to watch movies where people just float along, resigned.  also, creepy dependent relationships fuh-reak me out.  it's just a hard movie for me to deal with i think.  confusing.  tho slightly happier than the documentary.

the last few days have been all very summersy, which is terrific.  gotta soak it up!  school is just around the corner.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

a big old tired piece of lead

is how i felt for most of today.  got myself up early after not enough sleep and i've been dragging ass ever since.  i tried healthy oatmeal breakfast, i tried energizing green smoothie, i tried bunch o' vegetables dinner and not a stitch of energy all day.  nothing makes up for a good night's sleep.  so i'm going to do a little bit more work so i don't feel entirely unproductive and then i am going to put my face into my tempurpedic pillow and not wake up til the a.m.  

here's one of my new favorite breakfasts.  it's quaker weight control (terrible name, quaker!  terrible name!) banana bread-flavored oatmeal with blueberries, a tbsp of raw almond butter and a pellegrino:

and here's the before salad shot (and, yeah, i'm not the only person eating all this):

still managed to make myself a tremendously large salad:

and LOVED IT LIKE CRAZY.  taco salad night rocks.  there's a lot of chopping and washing of veg, but in the end it's well worth it.  simple dressing of light sour cream and pace medium salsa. (if you were a vegan, i'm sure something involving lime juice would be super tasty as well.)  2% cheddar and organic blue corn tortilla chips also got involved. i love this salad very much because you can eat 5 pounds of it and manage to keep full but not feel too stuffed.  i think the dairy and chips and guac keep it from being too sterile and a little of those guys goes a long way.

well, tomorrow is a full day of running, studying, and hopefully lounging in the sunshine, so i'm off to complete my night.  plus, there's still an episode of dexter left to watch and we all know that a little bit of tv on dvd is completely necessary for general mental health.


Sunday, August 9, 2009

decent enough

got a bit more done today on the writing front and on the dexter watching front.  then i spent too much time reading blogs and checking facebook and now it's 12:30.  kind of a bummer.  i had so much i wanted to do today and blah.

i did make some seriously kick ass sun-dried tomato and herb pasta from the grains of paradise blog (see my only very slightly adapted version below).  eating dinner was certainly the highlight of the day.  i'm not kidding, this was the best pasta i've had in, like, forever. 

alright, i'm off to try to accomplish a bit more before bedtimes.  hopefully, there will be more productivity, a greyhouse trip, and perhaps a late afternoon tropicanoe trip in my near future.  tomorrow?  

Mediterranean-ish Pasta

1/2 pound gemelli or penne, cooked according to package directions

1/2 cup chopped mixed herbs (basil, parsley, chives)

zest of one lemon & juice of 1/2 lemon

6 or 7 sun-dried tomatoes (drained, washed, chopped)

1/4 cup sliced olives

1/4 cup feta

2 cloves of garlic (minced)

1.5 tbsp olive oil (or more, if you like)

s&p, dried red chili flakes to taste

--just toss the cooked pasta with the rest of the ingredients!  so easy and seriously delicious.  i sprinkled a little fresh parm on top and served it next to grilled mahi mahi. 

i eyeballed most of the ingredients, but what i have listed up there is close.  the beauty of these kinds of recipes is that you can't really go wrong!


clean and press

sadly, a writing free day over here.  got plenty other stuff done tho, so i'm not sweating it.  vacuumed, submitted a fafsa (didn't want to take out loans next year, but with this added medical biz, i don't see how else to swing it), organized lots of paper work, and learned how to do some free weight stuff.  i am now the proud owner of clean and press skillz.  yeeeeah.  i'm gonna be a muscular phd by the end of may, friends.  maybe an unemployed one, but that's what m&d are for, right?

also did some pushups and, let's be honest, one pull up.  those fuckers are hard!  and i did little girl pushups, not the big girl kind.  but i really like this simple, bare bones workout stuff.  totally hooked on the whole dumbbell thing now too.  there are little parts involved like clamps and a whole routine and preciseness to it all that's sort of intoxicating.  i want to be as strong as i can now, and pushing those weights up over my head felt good.  i want to conjure the high school jen in this regard, the more physical and badass one.  i want to shove this current pansy-er version out of the way, especially before i start getting a monthly iv-drip of immune system suppressing drugs.  i don't feel scared of MS very often, but when i do it's abt feeling worse after i start the meds.  i feel so good and healthy now that the idea of getting sick more often and feeling side effects freaks my shit out.  but only sometimes.

feeling good now tho and not scared.  looking forward to getting at that writing tomorrow and looking forward to making some mahi mahi and some mediterranean vegi pasta tomorrow night.  and calling my mother, because i miss her and because she threw a party i still haven't heard abt.

xxx goodnight!

Friday, August 7, 2009

x-treme organization 2009!

trying to get excited about order today, hence the late 90s style title.  i'm not really excited and i'm not really organized, but i did check some stuff of the grand to-do list.  will try to spend the better part of tomorrow settled in at greyhouse to attack the chapter draft and continue with some x-treme life restructuring (oh yeah!).  still not feelin it, i guess.

some plans i made today (both short and long term):  
  • get a draft to my director early next week (pref. monday) 
  • grow my hair absurdly long.  like, so long that people might wonder why a girl would want hair so long.  then, when i'm tired of it, i will cut it all off into a super short bob.
  • transition into mostly organic beauty products
  • keep a better eye on my grocery spending by meal planning and then sticking to a list when i shop.
  • buy a group exercise semester pass when school starts
  • limit my caffeine free diet coke consumption 
  • start doing push-ups and pull-ups and maybe some free weights
  • sometimes make pancakes on the sundays 
  • stop by new breed tattoos next week and see what they can work up for some hand tattoos.  don't have to decide right now, but i want to start the research.
  • try out a schedule for workdays until i find one that suits me
  • keep on top of my medical bills and those insurance f*ckers.  i want to start my MS drugs at the very beginning of the semester.
  • keep up the good work!
i have been a good little do-er lately and i feel super motivated to keep it up and to be relentlessly positive and hardworking in regard to tryin to get a job this fall.  all signs point to THIS IS GOING TO SUCK REALLY BAD AND DEPRESS YOU, but whatevs, signs.  i'm too relentlessly positive and hardworking not to give it the old college try.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

restraint is not my middle name

if you know me, you probably know that my personal motto might as well be one more is always a good idea.

this motto has made for a lot of fun and a lot of memories and is something i inherited willingly from both my father and my mother (tho they express the sentiment in their own unique and spirited ways).  overdoing it has always seemed like part of the fun of things to me.  if something is good or fun or tasty, i pretty much ALWAYS want (and end up having) one more.  

i am rarely the girl who goes home early and i am definitely not the kind of girl who can watch one episode of lost and move on to more productive things.  i watch three god damed discs or something until it's 5 in the morning and i've eaten enough candy to kill a small child.

one more is a part of my character that i enjoy (despite the extra 5 pounds i'm usually toting around on my ass) and i secretly think the restraint folks are boring and prudish and wouldn't know a good time if it rode up in sparkly pasties and goosed them with a harry potter wand.  

but it's your twenties that are for figuring out your own brain and learning to love yourself how you are and appreciating the various sides of yourself, regardless of how uncomfortable they might make your mother, roommate, grandma, etc.   

your thirties, tho, are for being the best version of yourself.  thirties are for dealing with all the problems you discovered you had in your twenties.  i learned in my twenties that i often enjoy the company of bartenders, that i have a weakness for cocktail dresses, and that frozen pizza is actually a culinary treat.  but all i've really done in my thirties is to stop dating bartenders (thanks to some sage advice from mums).  it's time to pick up the slack on the other stuff, like borderline reckless spending on a grad student budget (yeah, i have a $300 lucite chair just because i love it. i will have that forever, though, btw.) and drinking myself into the relatively frequent two day hangover.

moral is that it's time to reign it in.  at least a tiny.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009


had a beautiful, spontaneous dinner at bistro 501 tonight with pretty baby.  we got back from a nice sunshine run at celery bog and i had the out-urge.  we haven't been to a nice dinner in over a month and i just had that feeling.  sometimes a nice dinner out is just sublime and i knew that after a hard run, the best thing ever was gonna be a cool shower, a cute dress, and a little treat.  i was soooo right.

so we walked the couple of blocks to fifth street, settled in by the big front window and found out that it was half-price bottles of french wine night.  yes, please.  we chose a larose-trintaudon bordeaux.  then i had a mixed green salad with house-made bleu cheese dressing and blackened salmon with wilted spinach and pommes frites. effing excellent.  helped that i was starving, too, i guess.

got some craps done at school today too, so it was another solid day.  fit in three of my end-of-summer goals -- exercise, work, and funs.  (the other goals are sunshine and healthies, both of which i sorta worked in today but not fully).  i like my end of summer goals; they're serving me well!

Tuesday, August 4, 2009


fell off the blog wagon there for a while.  all good over here tho.  too much good to blog abt all at once maybe.  there was the all girl 'estrofest' party at adryan's that featured too much wine for yours truly and lot of tasty vegetarian snacks and a party game of questions and answers that i was actually really interested in.  

then there was a WILD night on the town for payday friday involving unnecessary pizza (good tho! brocolli and crushed red pepper seems like something that would suck, but oddly does not), EXCESSIVE cocktail consumption and a rotating group of people moving in and around a nice round table at the sparrow.  it was one of those nights where i had to have someone do my math for me.  my numbers aren't so good at 3am anyway, and i started the evening with my two best grad school buddies, jamison and guinness.  there were also a few scenes and some not-so-cool things happening by the end, but we all emerged alive so that's something.

on saturday there was vowing never to do that again (at least not that ferociously, sabes?) and lounging and a tiny amount of work.  sunday was tropicanoe for floating and sunshine with raven, brian, and win and then a spur of the moment bbq at raven's place which was very nice overall.  

now it's wednesday again and i've a mind to get to some writing.  i'm gonna be on that bright and early tomorrow, so off to bed.