wednesday wednesday good times

had a thoroughly nice day today with all manner of treats and surprises.  i'm going to list them because i feel TIRED and i don't want to make full SENTENCES that go together and stuff.

- new dress came in the mail and fits!  it's a size frickin 4 (not a normal size for me).  the dress has a very sweet scoop neck and reminds me of audrey hepburn.

- dropped by my office at school to affix some pictures to my walls and to arrange some seashells i snagged from sarah's wedding and to leave, casually sitting on my desk, a peacock feather from a ciana/russell good health package.  only awesome teachers have peacock feathers hanging out in their offices.

- i got an award for being rated in the top 10% of instructors for intro to composition (spring semester)!  this means my students gave me high ratings, which i always appreciate.  those little f*ckers can be merciless too, so i'm not taking my nice ratings for granted.

- on my way to my office with my bag full of seashells and peacock feathers, a gentleman stuck his head out of his van window to say a very distinct 'amaaaaaazing' in my direction.  wha?  there was definitely leering, so i'm gonna just take him as a dude who likes chunky thighs.  i'm not gonna lie, i'm totally flattered when strangers make weird sexy comments at me (as long as i don't have to be close to them and/or isolated).  i spent long enough as a bookworm and a tomboy that i adore being seen as a piece of meat.  no lies.  it's a treat.

- i went for a nice run in the sunshine with pretty baby at celery bog.  the only bad thing was that my ipod pooped out, like, two mins into my run.  lame.

- i went to k.dee's and drank some iced coffee and organized chapter one of dissertation.  progress!

- i got my avocate organic skin care in the usps box today!  hurrah!  get ready for glowing avocado skin.  or something.

see how nice it was, this day?  after all that i handmade some whole wheat pizza and drank some malbec and ate some spicy chocolate and watched innerspace on the dvd.  this may be the only movie in the entire history of the world in which martin short is at all tolerable.  but dennis quaid is adorable and meg ryan has short and crunchy 80s hair that could only be cute on meg ryan.

now to sleeps and tomorrow to party with ladies only at adryan's estrofest.  i'm bringing hummus, tzatziki, things to dip therein, and sunshine and happiness.  on friday i get PAY-ED.  then i'll be sitting pretty drinking salty dogs in the warm summer air.  

can't sneak up on me, monday

ready for the week to begin over here at nobeckettno. tonight ate up some mahi mahi tacos, asi:

and here are my little condiments, asi:

they are 1) chopped red cabbage with rice vinegar, salt and pepper 2) avocado cream (avocados, lime juice, salt, pepper, sour cream) and 3) just yr regular salsa.  pretty damn good, all around.  

i'm really not sure where the rest of my day went.  did a little work, got a little organized, made a green smoothie, did some laundry. now it's 2am and i'm like whuuuuuuut, where did it all go?

but i'm ready like gangbusters for a good week of working, exercising, and funning it up around town.  i know i keep saying that -- it just helps me get it all sunk in if i repeat myself.  the big plans tomorrow are:

- over to campus to drop some stuff off at office (and then promptly run away)

- k.dee's for study time outside in the real world instead of in cave-apartment

- either 20/20/20 or cardio blast at the gym

- caesar salad with left over mahi mahi for dinner

optional things include trip to indy for a much-needed trader joe's stop (out of protein powder AND raw almond butter?  oh no!) or over tropicanoe for some sunshine and chlorinated water.  i've really got to go nine more times to get my money's worth for the summer pass.  and you better believe i'll get that money's worth, a golden tan, and a summer's supply of relaxin to boot.

so, there, monday.  i've got yr number.   

undoing the overdoing

so yesterday, my first official day of summer, fell exactly one month before school starts and i have vowed to make the most of every day i have left.  i think, though, that i may have made too much of yesterday.  super fun tho.  went to tropicanoe with raven and floated on the lazy river in my navy and white jc penney bikini and my red anthro sunglasses and watched the cute young inner tube wranglers throw inner tubes around.  then we went to d.t. kirby's and drank bud lights (not usually my style, but light beer is always in order after a lot of floating and sunshine) and i had a vegi burger and fries.  glorious.  i had one of those summer moments -- raven in her kelly green terrycloth playboy bunnyesque onesie, me with sunny face and rumply hair and still damp bikini, drinking yellow beer and feeling just entirely relaxed.  then shower and nap until out again around 11 for cocktails and dancing at the black sparrow. 

this part of the evening featured AMAZING bust out dancing by raven (still in kelly green onesie) and winship who are some kind of dancing extravaganza team.  i like dancing, for sure, but i can never seem to cut loose quite like the two of those do.  there were jutting arms, humping gestures, spins, hopping, 80s moves, crazy flashing hands and general silliness with deadpan straight face.  loved it.  then we were drunk and i was starving so at 1:3o, in major downpour, there was a run back to d.t. kirby's where i ate a salad sandwich and french fries.  oh god man, i can't even remember the last time i ate french fries twice in one day.  just gross.  bad jenny.

today i was remarkably un-hungover but in the throws of a wretched two-sets- of-french-fries-yesterday guilt.  so i went running at c-bog with pretty baby and did a maje healthy grocery shop to gear up for a week of exercise and studying.  really, i bought half of target's produce section.  this week's menu includes (but is not limited to) mahi mahi fish tacos, spinach quesadillas and spicy black bean soup, homemade caesar salad, homemade pizza, and whole wheat banana blueberry muffins (or bread maybe, since i don't actually have muffin tins) for breakfasty type food.  and, hey, i put some left over pineapple in my veg stir fry the other day and loved it very much.  

but i'm feeling terribly positive, even though i didn't make it out to study as i had hoped.  i'm putting that first on the list tomorrow.  really excited actually to work hard and have fun for the rest of summer.   i'm really excited for morning to come.  which is a sentiment not often felt around these parts.

boring thursday

ran, vacuumed, tidied the apartment, made some vegetable stir fry, read instyle magazine.  i HATE that magazine.  why do i read it?  every month i'm bored by it and yet i still buy it.  stupid.  i'm skipping next month for sures.  i just miss domino and it's like domino broke up with me and i keep hooking up with lesser magazines and then just feel dirty and bored afterwards.  i just have to hold out for a magazine that's worth my time.  no more slumming it with stupid old conservative, showing me clothes that cost too much money, featuring lame hollywood parties that i couldn't care less about, ARTLESS stupid old instyle.  it's over.  you have no style and no soul, instyle.  you're ARTLESS.

okay, you know it's been a boring day when you rant abt a fashion mag.  the run was good and so was the stir fry.  the vacuuming was needed, especially since beckett has her typical becketty summer allergies and is leaving chunks of fur around.  gross.  

i am neeeeeeeeeding a cocktail, something fruity or sparkly or in a pretty glass.  i want to put on a dress and makeup and go OUT!  and i want a fancy sandwich.  and this skincare line called avocate. (i think i might buy a few or their things b/c i'm out of my sugar scrub and out of my nice undereye circle stuff.  it's money i'd be spending no matter what, right?).

time to tuck myself in, i'm all over the place.  buenas noches, mamacitas.

are you ready for the sex girls?

finished a project this morning and rewarded myself by sleeping most of the day and then lazing about drinking wine and sparkling water all night.  ate some frozen organic pizza, desserted on some super dark chili chocolate that was spicy and delicious!  also watched the last american virgin -- 80s boob movie extraordinaire!  man, the 80s enjoyed their topless ladies.  and real boobs too in this one, not the scary contemporary fake boobs that look like they're bolted on.  anyway, the movie really did some unexpected things and kept my interest for sures.  the 80s really are a fascinating decade.

not much else to report today.  back on the fitness track tomorrow, gonna catch up with some medical bureaucracies (can't wait!), maybe gonna park myself at a cafe to write for a while.  mostly looking forward to a good run outside with my newly discovered love of fugazi (whaaaat? she says.  who knew?  love it.)  

i must have been approved for the MS drug i want to go on (tysabri) b/c yesterday i got a big box full of tysabri gear and information.  got a tote bag and blanket along with a list of warnings and side effects.  score.  not really looking forward to hearing abt what the out of pocket is on this guy, but it's the newest and has the best effectiveness rate, so i'm all over it.  i think i'll probably use my blog to journal abt taking it, the side effects, etc.  my MS book told me to be careful abt how i talk abt my diagnosis in public, but i figure what the hell, right?  plus, this baby is gonna go private when i go on the job market anyway.  

now i'm heading in the direction of my comfy bed with the pretty sheets.  gonna grab a magazine, my dog, and a bottle of pellegrino before i go cuddle up for the night. 

(picture from lolita modeblogg, loveable!)

why i'll never really be a food blogger

b/c today went like this: a tasty breakfast of whole wheat english muffins, pb and banana and a cup of caramel vanilla tea.  then a pre-dinner app of these guys:  

a handful of mary's gone crackers, my favorite hummus variety available in lafayette ('fountain of health' -- terrible name, hummus people), a mini pelle and a glass of trapiche malbec.  these snacks kept me company while i made this for dinner:

grilled swordfish with some special cuban spice-rub and green salad with cherry tomatoes, feta, and homemade citrus-herb vinaigrette.  vinaigrette also went on the fish too.  had another glass of malbec, some toasted sourdough with olive oil/garlic/balsamic for dipping.  yum.

then i decided i needed to have this special treat purchased at the local blockbuster:

yup, all that organic health shit goes right out the window when jb spots new weird ass gummy candy.  it's a kazoozles!  it's pink lemonade with cherry squish filling!  here's a close up of the little charmer:

i find that a pink lemonade kazoozle pairs quite nicely with a mini pellegrino.  highly recommended, if you happen to be at the blockbuster on the corner of 26 and 52.  99 cents!  love it.

did i ever tell you that i dream abt gummy candy with some frequency?  i really do.  usually there are a million different kinds of candies everywhere and i'm so happy because i have my choice of all sorts of colors and flavors and chewiness consistencies.  i think the colors are the best part.  

on a related note, i had a very pretty dream on friday in which i was sitting down to watch a movie with pretty baby and in front of us was a table full of pink popcorn and we both had purple sodas in tall glasses with fushia straws.  so do some freud on that shit and get back to me.  i'd love to know why snack food glows and shimmers in my dreams.

xo

better, better

had a couple nice days in a row here.  yesterday was a fairly lazy one involving little work and a decent amount of kitchen time.  made my very own whole wheat pizza from a recipe on eatliverun.com .  I'm definitely digging the food sites these days, especially the healthy livin inspired ones.  so here's a pic of the pizza which was totally delicious and actually very simple to make:

anyone who reads this blog prolly already saw pix on facebook, but whatever.  this blog is just as much for me as for anyone else, kinda like a slightly more edited journal.  so the above pizza guy involved spinach, basil, garlic, parm, ricotta, and mozz.  was pretty super yum.  also made another that had pineapple bits and red onion.  was even more yum, prolly b/c it has less greenery.  bf and i watched angel heart a mickey roarke 80s movie that was CREEPY and left me feeling a little queasy.  it certainly had my attention tho.

today i worked and ran at c-bog (yay for me!) and when i got home all i had the energy for was this guy:

morningstar black bean burger (cooked super long in the oven cuz a mushy veg burger is one of the gnarliest things ever), extra sharp white cheddar, tomato, pickle, red onion, lettuce on an arnold's sandwich thin (love those things, really).  enjoyed some mary's gone crackers and some stacy's pita chips, and then a few dark chocolate squares for sweet tooth.

now to more work, some chai, and maintaining my current good attitude.  overall, i think i'm doing really well with the MS diagnosis, but (if you haven't noticed), i'm not always the most aware of my own feelings.  which is scary.  faking tough to yr own self is not really a recommended behavior.  anyway, my moods are kinda all over the place and i'm trying to get a handle on myself rather than being a stupid represser.  at some point i certainly internalized the WASPy creed of 'don't make mistakes'/'never cry in front of people'/'just have a martini.'  getting more real with myself is a major life goal.

but you know, kai perfume oil comes in the ups tomorrow and i gotta be ready for it.  :)  just doing some emotional prep work for the new phase that i'm starting (which involves remaining positive while being absolutely honest with myself and others).  

art, beauty, hummus wraps

another work day full of practically nothing other than work.  siiiighs.  if i felt i were getting somewhere, that wouldn't be half bad.  in happier news, there were hummus wraps inspired by here and really awesome tzatziki also inspired by there.  target grocery in lafayette even has greek style yogurt!  (fage, it's called.  under the stonybrook farms organic, if you're looking).  things are getting so cosmopolitan in indiana, really.

thought a lot today abt how my happiness is very much proportional to the amount of art and beauty in my life.  how do i let myself forget that?  seems i have to remind myself monthly not to let these things fall out of my days.  i don't forget exercise and i don't forget good food or wine or a night out on the town.  i don't forget the power of an especially fun dress either, i suppose.  but while a fun dress is fun, it is not Beauty with cap B or Art with the cap A.  i need nature beauty like the beach or mountains or even cornfields at twilight when the air smells sweet and clean.  i need urban beauty like skyscrapers, neon, or the crowded small buildings on windy europe streets.  being shut up in an apartment with only one window (albeit a big one) is not enough, no matter how many sets of string lights i hang.

need live music, need people who create actual stuff.  words and books will always be the loves of my life, but they make me crazy too.  i get too wrapped up in them.

okay, well, thanks reader for enduring another post about what is wrong with my life as i have it.  writing these issues out really does help me.  i always feel better afterwards.

summer babe

listening to pavement has been a summer staple of mine since at least 2001 when matt and soto and i went in together on a cd player for our apartment in spain.  we drank bottle after bottle of estola and listened to slanted & enchanted and crooked rain, crooked rain and counted off our top-three everythings until sarah wanted to punch us all silly.  oh and we burned this grapefruit scented travel candle i brought for 'atmosphere' so often that i can still recall its particular sweet-tart cloying fragrance. 

so pavement's back in the summer rotation and i listened to 'summer babe (winter version)' like 80 times today which stuck me knee-deep in nostalgia for summers better forgotten.  i seem to have a knack of making those for myself.  and this one is kinda up there in the sucking department, but in a sort of grey, bland way that makes me want to just take a big fat nap.  it was a sort of low day today too, i guess.  didn't sleep well last night, went to MS doctor to start the process of getting on medication, came back and took too long of a nap -- the kind where you wake up, kinda sticky with sweat and with a heavy feeling fogging up all yr normally pleasant biz.  

it's time to give these sads (and scareds too, i won't lie) the good ole double stockton hey-buddy.  i haven't been feeling particularly emotionally strong lately, kind of twitchy even and liable to start crying at most anything.  this is not a good place and it's not me at my best.  i'm feeling overwhelmed -- by a lifetime full of needing medication, by my difficulty writing, the good chance that i might not find a job for next year.  i can't even seem to communicate well right now -- i don't feel like i'm getting words out right, i don't seem to be able to call any of my friends.  BLAH.

amazon sent me word today via email that my new kai perfume is heading toward me on a ups truck.  and i have the english major's habit of turning things into symbols -- things and dates and places.  even tho i know that kai has no magic in it and the dessert essence organics coconut body wash i ordered isn't going to arrive and with it usher in a new era, i'm determined to make these little things work for me as markers of a better attitude.  i will not have these new treats be like that sick sweet grapefruit candle (or worse!  the bed-head shampoo i used when rich and i broke up in college!  i still can't handle that stuff!), reminding me of all the lessser jens i've been.

i mean, this is my LIFE, you know?  i want to be HAPPY.  

so onward and upward.  (with exciting new toiletries. squee!)

forgot to say too

that there was a rockin girl sleepover the other night at raven's new place.  there were greyhounds to drink and tecate to drink and some other concoctions to drink.  chinese food to eat.  cable telly to watch and general chatting and fun.  i maybe drank more than i should have...but i desperately needed that night.  so, even if i had to pay for it for most of friday, it was well worth the headache.  plus, beckett got to come with.  and it was her birthday!  can you believe b's 10 years old now?  nutballs.  i'll have to write a happy 10th birthday beckett post soon with some photos.  tonight after we finished eating the swordfish experiment dinner, she crawled between bf and i and took a nap.  she never does that and it was super cute -- snores and all.  

here's to having sweet puppy dogs in our lives!  they make everything better.

swordfish

made some awesome swordfish tonight!  i haven't had swordfish in yeeeeaaaaarrrrrssss and i've never cooked it myself, so i'm proud.  just brushed with olive oil, scattered some archer farms seafood rub across the steaks, and grilled.  made this killer emeril dressing and salad to go with: (i altered things a little -- the og recipe is at foodtv.com):

Citrus-herb vinaigrette

1/4 cup rice wine vinegar

3 tbsp freshly squeezed orange juice

2 tbsp freshly squeezed lemon juice

1 tbsp agave sweetener (i can't stand honey)

1 tbsp minced shallot

1 tsp orange zest

1 tsp dijon mustard

1/2 tsp lemon zest

1/2 tsp minced garlic

1/4 tsp salt

pepper to taste

1/2 cup extra-virgin olive oil (i think i'll cut this even more next time)

2 tbsp chopped fresh mint leaves

2 tbsp chopped fresh basil leaves

2 tbsp chopped fresh parsley leaves

2 tbsp chopped fresh cilantro leaves

6 cups mixed baby greens

1 cup cherry tomatoes, halved

1/4 cup feta cheese

1 bunch steamed, cooled, and chopped asparagus

Directions

get a bowl and  combine the rice wine vinegar, orange juice, lemon juice, agave, shallot, orange zest, dijon, lemon zest, garlic, s&p. whisk.  whisk more while slowly drizzling in olive oil.  add herbishness.  toss with tomatoes, cheese, lettuce, asparagus.  seriously tasty.

one of these days i'll get it together and start posting photos.  everything looked really pretty tonight.  and came out terrifically!  i was glad, esp after the sea bass FAIL.  i also enjoyed two nice glasses of cab and some organic dark chocolate from trader joes (so good!).

and then i ate half a bag of twizzlers.  it was pretty awesome.

fine day but now i'm kind of blue

so today was mostly lounging and reading and spending time with the bf.  but now it's one in the a.m. and i haven't done as much as i would have liked.  did finish another iris murdoch novel that my director insisted that i read.  and it has plenty of dissertation appropriate info, tho a little bit wrenches up my chapter two argument.  but seeing as i was never really convinced that i was right, this is probably for the best.  

my life feels a bit stuck and i need to be the one to unstick it.  looking forward to undoing some ruttish patterns of behavior starting now.  for one, i shall put myself to bed soon and for two, i shall not obsess over what others have planned for tomorrow and will just set to making my own have plans.  the plans include a fair share of work, either a run at celery bog or a trip to cardio blast (but wednesday girl is so dullsville!  monotone and slow voice: 'and heel kicks' pause 'and grapevine' pause' and 'and lunges.'  blah.)  so maybe a run with the new mos def (track 6 is my favorite!).  also looking forward to some trader joe's cornbread (also a favorite) and some of their organic vegetarian chili.  hope i can also stop by to see raven's new place and maybe help her unpack some stuff.  soooo excited to have her downtown, closer to me and closer to bars!

since our last outing, i have been craving a salty dog.  decent gin + fresh grapefruit juice + salted rim + lime wedge + dash of peach bitters.  that will also happen somewhere in my near future.

x

uff ate too much snacks

it has really been naughty kitty times since that july 3rd night out.  for reals.  been healthy through most of the day time and then sun goes down and it's time for snacks and cookies.  doesn't help that "because it's a holiday!" i bought some special pepperjack + jalepeno cracker spread/dip thing, pita chips, and cookies yesterday.  i tried a couple new recipes that sounded way better than they tasted -- cuban style seared sea bass and a lemon/herb quinoa with asparagus, red pepper and zucchini.  the quinoa came out okay, i guess (tho kinda bland), but man i do not dig the sea bass.  blech.  

so tomorrow another monday rolls around (yikes! where is my summer going?) and i'm doing the starting over thing again.  looking forward to cardio blast with awesome adam and maybe a black bean burger with avo at dinner time.  add in some work and some bureaucratic whatevers and there's a pretty standard monday.  i need some more light and joy up in this bitch.  will try to schedule that for sometime tomorrow.  perhaps between 'call neuro-ophthalmologist' and 'call financial aid dept.'  

bah.  

independence day eve

had a couple of nice days in a row -- went for a run yesterday and FAR exceeded what i thought i could do and what i have done in the past.  really, i was very surprised.  i don't know if you run, cuz i don't really, but i've noticed that if i go past that first really tired part i can often run waaaay more than i expected.  i was very nicely surprised that all that hoppy around gym stuff actually translated into the real physical exertion of running.  i think i'm now (as i'm writing) identifying a weird dichotomy i have between 'gym work' and 'real work.'  turns out, if you're moving around enough to get winded and sore, it will translate.  somehow bouncing around to thriller and umberalla-ella-ella-ella doesn't mentally sync up with the general hurts that are running for me.  seems cheap or something.  i think i have some mental readjusting to do.

went for cocktails tonight with the inimitable raven and the ever-charming winship.  lovely overall.  we shared some overgreasy tempura and drinks while raves got super flirted with by a waiter who i thought was super gay.  who knew?  prolly still gayyyyy tho; i'm rarely wrong.  anyway, lovely night out and now i'm making some frozen whole wheat roated veg pizza in the oven to deal with my drunk munchies and thinkin

"health is determined primarily by personal responsibility, self-value, and reverence for life" -- dr. edward a. taub.   

you know it.

and reverence for life means grey goose soda, vegi tempura, n gossiping just as much as it means running my ass off at celery bog.

viva!

it's harder for a disability to hit a moving target than a sedentary one

another motto to put down under 'summer motto' list.  that one comes from margaret blackstone who is teaching me (via book) abt getting through yr first year of being diagnosed with MS.  so far a helpful and interesting book that has a very positive tone.  i have learned, though, that i'm not allowed to read the MS book before bed.  the list of common symptoms alone kept me up for an extra hour.  i don't even want to think abt the guy who fell out of his bed b/c the whole left side of his body was pretty much paralyzed (but he got better! says maragaret blackstone. and he only has to use a cane sometimes!)  whatever.  not night time reading is all.

visited gym again today and did some work and watched some telly and ate some caesar and some spinach quesadilla.  i just benedryled myself in the hopes that i can actually fall asleep before 5am tonight.  let's cross our fingers.  because i want tomorrow to be fab worker bee day with writing, grocery shopping, crazy ball class at the gym, and maybe cocktails.  margaret blackstone hasn't said a peep abt the booze consumption.  and i haven't gone index looking either.  i'm not gonna lie -- the liquors and i don't want to break up.  

things i really like right now that strike me as kind of odd:

'mary's gone crackers' flax seed crackers 

those mini bottles of pellegrino

larabars in cashew cookie or cherry cobbler

'lighthouse' mild thai peanut dressing

season four of prison break (it sux! but i can't stop!)

calcium and vitamin d gummy bears

chai tea with vanilla flavored almond milk

taking out the trash (but only when someone else has left the dumpster lid flung open)

eagerly awaiting the arrival of my posture helper device/strap/brace gig

man i am a dork these days, non? 

sparkletician

new game for two people: find a partner who likes words.  one person comes up with a suffix (and keeps it to him/herself) and the other comes up with a word.  the word person says his/her word and then the suffixer tacks on the suffix.  my favorite words were sparkle-tician, firefly-icious, and petticoat-icity.  i think we all know who was picking out the word parts of those ones.  anyway, i bet that would be a good game for kids.  even tho they prolly wouldn't want to think of the suffixes, they could help define the words that you come up with together.  

today was mostly house cleaning, tiny baby amounts of work, and then a nice homemade caesar and some seared cajun-rubbed cod.  everything turned out awesome and dad's new caesar recipe fits nicely with my healthier vibe.  not that it's really that healthy, but whatever, i can't live without that caesar.  homemade croutons are also where it's at.

the new caesar:

1 clove garlic

5 drops worcestershire sauce (sp?)

1 raw egg

juice of one lemon (1/2 if you like it less tart) 

1 big handful freshly grated parm

several good turns of black pepper

1/4 cup light olive oil

i put everything but the parm and oil into my blender and gave it a quick buzz.  then dropped in parm and buzzed again, slowly pouring in the olive oil.  damn hell yeah.  there will be a second caesar tomorrow with the leftover dressing.

now i'm going to go eat some big squishy gourmet gumdrops from whole foods (they look like my dreams!) and work a little before bed.  

x!