Tuesday, June 9, 2009

well, you know

ocotillos are important to me.  and agaves are where it's at.  how can i be leaving arizona already tomorrow?  

i only just went to bon yesterday to collect treasures and accessories and see the mother/daughter duo of utter charm and aesthetic wonder.  the daughter is totally preggers, btw and still rail thin and chic.  she is so excited and just moved in with her bf and seems just totally happy with her whole life sitch.  on the way home (after purchasing a small john derian from which to hang some dangly earrings, and a leather and gold bead necklace which i turned into a bracelet) i thought that her life seems so much happier than mine.  or that i imagine myself so much happier with her job/city/fam arrangement.  perhaps it's a grass-greener-other-side kind of deal, but it has certainly made me think abt what i'm doing to myself and why.

i guess the financial burden would be a real issue, but who wouldn't want to own  a boutique (two CHARMING locations) with her mother, spend all day hanging in one of the locations, and make awesome crafty art shit to surround yourself with/sell?  then they shop in new york and mexico together, cook dinners, hang out and be beautiful together.  oddly, even the moving in with bf while knocked up but not hitched thing appeals to me.  so comfortable and free and just genuinely happy.  no hoop jumping, no interviews in j.crew suits, no jargon or people trying to appear smarter than they are.

somehow, i will combine.  i need to remember that i love books and i love teaching them and i love writing abt them.  sometimes, the other people with whom i have to interact make me want to scratch my eyes out.  but they can't touch my life.  not if i don't let them.  i can make flowery string lights and be beautiful with my mother and even hang, unwed, in a boutique one day if i want.

No comments: