Tuesday, March 31, 2009

fish tacos and fail

well, the fish tacos turned out awesome.  my best so far, if i do say so myself.  the rest of the day was pretty much shitfest disappointment barrage.  no year-long prf, no bilsland, no success on the chapter draft.  felt lost at sea for abt half an hr.  started my period.  cried.  spent the rest of the night making fish tacos and accompaniments.  drank a beer, took a benedryl, feelin better.

i think i'm just feeling the strain of a kind of wonky semester.  and even tho i know better, i have the tendency to get my hopes up abt things i apply for -- which is how the concept of spring rejection was born in the first place.  but, hey, it's not spring without a little rejection.  keeps a girl humble.

now it's time for a solid 8 of sleep before going to something called 'turbo kick' with raves.

Monday, March 30, 2009

snows in almost april?

haven't been to chicago in forever, and the one weekend i go, it gets snowzy all over my car and rains slimy ice rains all over me and my kickass black sandals.  but being frozen to our baby little bones didn't keep me and sarah from searching out all kinds of secret awesome cocktail wonders for the bach weekend in may.  our recon mission went well and hotel is SWEET and we have some lovely things planned for the cali visitors.    

i also got to go to sarah's first dress fitting and that was so pretty and intimate feeling that it made me want to cry for the prettiness of it all.  plus i learned things like, it's harder than you think to find a bra for a wedding dress, you might get a heart attack when you see how much people want to charge you for a veil, and cute little eastern european middle aged seamstresses can be oddly sinister.  also learned that there is a ton of shame and expectation waiting for any bride-to-be. really, the fact that sarah had yet to purchase a bra sent almost every lingerie lady into facial hysterics and verbal admonishing.  why does anyone give a shit?  i won't even describe the story ordeal sarah explained abt the invitations. the whole industry scares the crap out of me, really.  tho i find myself drawn by unspeakable forces toward bridal magazines...

anyway, saturday was grand and sunday was fine and monday is pretty lame (but isn't that just how that particular progression of days often ends up?).  i get my chapter draft back from director tomorrow and she's already told me i need to work on isolating my thesis.  oops.  guess it's time to focus the brain waves toward the future.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

the wanting comes in waves

a little irritable tonight.  mostly because i'm tired, but also because of spaced-out, bored looking students today.  that always gets to me and then i stew around all night trying to figure out how to fix it.  do i threaten reading quiz?  do i wear something wacky and hop around like a clown?  do i pretend like it's not there in the hopes that it will pass like some weird wave of spring fever?  or do i devise the best lecture/discussion that ever existed in the world and then stun them out of early spring apathy with my astounding wit and inspirational quotations?  

unfortunately, maybe, i always choose the last one and then exhaust myself.  but i've got to let it go now.  enough stewing.

tonight i made a nicoise salad from an ellie krieger recipe and it was tasty and healthy feelin.  also made another of her recipes yesterday -- stir fried chinese cabbage which was pretty good.  it's probably not cool for a person to eat almost a whole head of cabbage, but whatever, no adverse side effects as of yet.

went to the purdue gym with raves on tuesday (my first time ever inside the gym in four years of purdue schoolin) and it was a balance of pretty painful and pretty do-able.  so i plan to go back for more.  time to mix up the exercise routine and do something different.

man, i really am in a foul mood.  nothing is making me happy and now i'm irritable at having written a boring post.  the answer probably is not doing the dishes, but i think that's what i'm going to go do.  they're sitting there irritating the crap out of me anyway.

Monday, March 23, 2009

quick brag

you know that black and white dress i wanted the other day?  well, i just visited it online and it was marked down from $278 to $39.99.  no effing joke.  amazon.com, baby.  so i purchased.  i mean, yeah, it might make me look like i'm preggers or otherwise oddly shaped but for $40, i'm taking that chance.


Sunday, March 22, 2009

beautiful break

so a lovely spring break was had and now i'm exhausted.  and not ready to start school again, but whatever.  

the conference in orlando was fun and sorta scary and beautiful weather, long workouts in nice hotel gym, lounging by the pool and ordering room service.  and i ate mahi mahi two days in a row, so i'm officially a fish eater!  woot.

went out yesterday evening and drank stella artois at nine irish brothers and then had ENORMOUS margs at el rodeo and then ENORMOUS beers at spurlocks.  the plan was to get smashed on margs and then have a dance party at my house but only the first part ended up happening.  for the best tho since my place is super seriously messy right now.  perhaps i will organize some kind of thing for my birthday this year.  i always say that tho and then i never do it.

there are some very exciting things in the works now, such as sarah's bach weekend in chicago (a 4.5 star hotel in chi for $89/night?  craaaaaazy) and lots of new recipes to try and work to do and life to live and all that.

i feel very sleepy, but very ready for everything that's coming at me.  and happy.  so there's that.  now i gotta walk b, set up coffee maker for the morning and call deese for a quick catchup convo before bed.

it is weird but i think it is true

if you had to choose a bsg character to be, it says maybe more than you might want.

because d chose commander adama and i chose starbuck.

as much as i might like sharon's face or nualla's eyes or gina's skinny shoulders, i am just bottom line, heart and soul (if not face-n-body), starbuck.  

and i wouldn't want helo or apollo or chief.  the only person i would ever want on that whole god damned entire ship is adama.  

but i'm not sure d would choose starbuck.  maybe he'd choose roslin or cally or someone else.

wow, i'm maybe 10 drinks into my night, but this is seeming like a real reality test right now.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

to florida!

leaving tomorrow afternoon for a quick couple days surrounded by sci fi peeps and orlando sunshine.  looking forward to sunning by the pool, not looking forward to giving my talk.  whatevs, though, doesn't matter.  it's a line on the cv and access to a hotel pool.

Monday, March 16, 2009

okay, list time

it's 2:32am and i just finished another dissertation abstract.  so here's what i finished this weekend:

- four proposals for mla 2009
- one proposal for pamla in san francisco, nov 2009
- one abstract for bilsland fellowship
- one abstract for lowe fellowship

and before that, i did

- one pgsg travel grant application
- one year-long prf application
- one chapter draft

now i want to die (of boredom, as you probably do after reading this list of exceedingly boring things).  but the boredom isn't over yet!  tomorrow i work on the celanire paper that i have to give on thurs.  ack!  

no wonder i turn to garden salsa flavored sun chips.  siiigh.

if i don't get any of these stupid things to work out, i'm gonna faceplant in a pile of sunchips and i won't come out until someone gives me a god damned grant for something.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

forgot to say

that i had lots of fun last night dancing to 60s music with raven at the black sparrow.  more on that later.  i've got an icy bottle of pellegrino in the fridge and some red vines calling my name.

sunday hangovers

are actually not too terrible when it's spring break. w00t.

today i cured hangover with intensive sleeping, eating of many garden salsa sunchips, some kashi pizza and several hours worth of bsg. and lots of boyfriend cuddles which are the secret hangover weapon. also he made me tomato soup, which is awesome.

right now i'm obsessed with these dresses:

i don't think i get them, but i like to look.  maybe i could get one as a reward for WORKING MY ASS OFF lately.  or maybe i don't get anything b/c i had ONE TOO MANY FRENCH MARTINIS last night and i don't deserve treats.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009


bored.  and yet, still have so much to do.  tomorrow is a day off tho and all of it can be for writing, so that's good.  plus, i went to the grocery store (finallys) and now i have kashi waffles again and that is good because i need them for happiness.  mornings without them are lame, esp because i don't own any other breakfast foods and i end up eating baked lays and a coke zero.

tonight i took my general bad attitude away with some kendall-jackson zin that was on sale and some pasta with zucchinis and tomato sauce. and a little battlestar where starbuck has fallen onto some moon after getting shot down and then she rehabs a cylon raider and then flies back to gallactica but avoids getting shot down again by flipping over to reveal STAR BUCK written in some kind of tape or something on the great big vagina wings of the ship.  oh yeah, those are definitely cylon vagina ships and the battlestar plane guys are for sure penises.  just check it out. it's not even freudian or nothin.  anyway, we all know the good guys are gonna be penis shaped.  it's just the way the world turns, ladies.

so now i stay up for one more hour trying to shove my way into next year's mla convention with really mediocre abstracts.  i've just lost heart, people.  i need to have some fun soon!

which reminds me that i almost totally lost my shit to the sopranos the other day b/c it was the ep where carmella throws a surprise party for her dad after she and tony break up.  but tony comes anyway and it's all big guy grilling food and kids splashing in the pool and the oldies getting drunker and staying up later than they should.  i just totally felt the summer nightness of it all and the family party with too much food and booze, people talking serious in one corner and other people playing games and running around being silly somewhere else.  just missed the liveliness and general warmth of those kinds of parties.  they played marco polo in the pool and tony and a.j. threw carmela in the pool and she cursed at them in her jersey accent and all.

i need a summer party.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009


super major writing day ended up resulting in approx 2 pages of new material.  not fab, not fab at all.  there was more progress in the organization department tho, with things coming together in a better way and making more sense generally.  or that's how it looks at 1:30am with some brain burnout happenin.

i think my problem is that writing this damn thing just seems too big to me, emotionally and in the real, writing scope of it all.  i feel like i have this well of thoughts and ideas and stuff just jammed all up in my insides and when i sit down at dissertation.docx it wants to all come out at once like a monster jumble vomit of everything i ever thought.

no wonder i want to listen to girls screaming like maniacs and rapping abt shooting a bunch of shit and not caring abt their bad reputations.  

okay, i feel like the old thinker box is stalling out and that i should guide it off in the general direction of temperpedic (sp?) pillow.

Monday, March 9, 2009

less so

but still hanging in there like a little worker girl.  trying trying trying to make a decent future for myself.  but some days you'd rather work on a 'screaming angry bitches' mix cd while daydreaming and checking out ratebeer.com.  you know how it goes.

and now it goes to bed. gotta get rest for the SUPER MAJOR WRITING DAY that is tomorrow.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

perfectly productive

what a good girl saturday this was.  graded the rest of my composition papers, wrote two and a half paper abstracts for mla panels, did my taxes, and made fun dinner.  for once, i did exactly what i told myself i should do in a day.  so i'm in a good mood.

and dinner was grilled fish tacos which came out pretty damn good, if i do say so myself.  along with grilled halibut was thinly sliced red cabbage with a little sprinkle of red wine vinegar + pinch of salt, an avocado cream (2 avocados, 1/4 tsp salt, 2 tbsp lime juice, 1/2 cup sour cream, blended in food processor till smooth), and homemade salsa.  i think i'd add more avocado and cut down the sour cream next time.  and maybe leave it a little chunkier -- the super smooth thing was kinda freaky.  anyway, was fun all around, esp with a cold cold negro modelo.  and some battlestar galactica on dvd. 

yeah, been trying to avoid that show for a while, but i'm super out of tv on dvd and it's supposed to have especially well-drawn characters.  i'm having a little trouble getting into it initially, but i'm a forcer and i'm just gonna force it.  shows usually settle down and get better after 5 episodes or so.  so here's to nerding it up with sci fi shows.  it should also help me ready myself for the conference on fantasy that's coming up. w00t.

shitballs, it's already 1am here.  blah.  it's time to set things up for the perfectly productive sunday i've scheduled for myself.  guess what happens tomorrow?  i make myself sit down at my desk, surrounded by all the material culture books i can find and then i write a draft of chapter three.  agh.  i have writing anxiety.  

but i will have a draft to rowe by friday.  gorramit

Thursday, March 5, 2009

"jacket pockets like second-hand bookshops"

"and hair the result of an encounter with a ghost in a wind tunnel."

i'm not exactly sure what all that means, other than it's some britishy person complaining abt another britishy person's personal style.  i bet if british people rapped, it would sound like that.  but we all know that only ex-british colonials do the u.k. rapping.  anyway, this is what happens when i procrastinate and click on weird yahoo news links re: fashion.  i don't think i'd mind jacket pockets like second-hand bookshops tho -- sounds kind of like a shabby poet out for some kind of grand adventure.

been running around like a maniac lately with turning in grant apps, putting midterm together, lecturing, grading papers, working on paper proposals for mla next year, and blah.  i feel like my head's not all together.  scattered and rushed and probably forgetting something really big.

it felt like early spring today with spotty sunshine and huge blustery winds that kept threatening to upend my floaty sundress.  listened to some lonesome crowded west and got in the mood for road trips and weddings and adventures.  i caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan't wait for some SPRING and some hot humid midwestern summertime!  i don't even love the midwest, you know, but GOD DAMN if i don't want some heat up in this bitch.  i'm gonna lose it if i can't put sandals on soon.  this morning, i painted my toe nails hot pink in anticipation.  

(pic courtesy of this is glamorous)

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

mini break

grading and writing like a little school maniac over here, but thought i would pop by my little internet space to share a wacky yet successful recipe.

so i had leftover pineapple from the pineapple pizza of saturday and i thought 'what cool shit can i do with leftover pineapple?'  turns out i can chop it up (2 cups worth), put it in a saute pan on high heat with 1/4 cup of sugar (recipe called for 1/2 cup but i freaked out at the sight of that much sugar), and 1 teaspoon of fresh cracked pepper (!).  keep it on high till it boils, then simmer for half an hour and then spoon, while warm, over coconut ice cream.  now, maybe that sounds like spicy suntan lotion to you, but it tasted pretty damn good over here.  i bet if you got rum involved somehow, it would also be awesomer.

anyway, thanks again to domino for the recipe.  one lonely tear for my dear departed home mag of choice.  i'll stop mourning it one of these days, i promise.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

made first decision re: bedroom decor

this tornado loves you

not really a human tornado or nothin this weekend.  mostly still dealing with severe lack of motivation.  dealt with by buying several bowls and a serving dish and a souffle dish while in indy on saturday.  all reasonably priced and useable in many different ways.  granted, most of them are hanging out on my chest of drawers, holding jewelry.  but they can easily be turned into kitchen gear, on the super quick.  they are the first step in the general direction of redecorating bedroom space.  since it looks like i won't be moving, i have decided to direct some of my (limited) funds at pulling my eclectic sleepin space together.  

before it was sort of silvers/greys/really light purples, but then beckett's beckettness made my calvin klein duvet look dingy and gross so now i'm ready for a change.  maybe earthy world traveler organics?  or colorful bohemian?  or menswear stripes and clean lines?  i'm going in wildly different directions, obvs.  which is why i wasn't allowed to buy anything while in indy.  too indecisive.  

one thing i did this weekend was rediscover a love of beer after enjoying an icy newcastle last night with some organic pizza + pineapple.  and tonight i totally dug an even icier peroni with veg chili and cornbread.  and, ooh, made this super simple giada recipe that is shaved raw zucchini with blanched and bias-cut asparagus, lemon juice, olive oil, and shaved parm.  salt pepper and garlic, natch.  (think it's called 'zucchini and asparagus cruda' on foodtv.com).  had that with some stonehedge cab and leftover pasta and it was tres awesome.

this week i'm making another souffle (yayys, i found a way to like and use extra eggs) which is so awesome with baguette and green salad.  other menu possibilities include veg stir fry, some kind of halibut creation, and sarah's recipe for ribolita.  and chocolate dipped macaroons b/c i get so cranky when there aren't sweets in the house.

yeah, pretty clear why my dissertation isn't getting done.  directing all energies toward some kind of winter nesting ish.  i did write two sentences of chapter number three today.  one of which is probably good enough to keep.  and, right, i'm not done with chapters one or two or nothing.  just got bored of them.  proud of me?