Friday, February 27, 2009

i love yr long shadows and yr gunpowder eyes

whoa, deeply in love with new neko case and haven't even heard it all yet.  nothing will really ever be furnace room lullaby to me, but that's also because of time and place and my life's progression.  and south tacoma way, really, let's be honest that song will fucking tear yr heart out on a good day.  but middle cyclone has a dirty circus vibe that's always a personal favorite.  and i don't care what everyone says, fox confessor was boring as shit.  so here's to some rediscovered edge, neko.

and, oh, they like ceremony!  so glad.  it's got some mysticism that's not for me, but there's also night swan who says a million beautiful things.  like 'old age...the first sign of old age is all this talking when we could be doing something else.'  night swan, 'an old cantina dancer with eyes like a cat,' living above a noisy bar full of drunks and loud jukebox and yelling because 'of course only that kind of woman, used to that kind of life, would tolerate such things.'

the problem with me is that no matter how old i get, every time friday rolls around, i just want to drink wine and whiskey and go stir something up.  at some point, you're not supposed to want to that, right?

Thursday, February 26, 2009

you've got to feel it deep and leave it all on the floor

or so said some old blues guy.  i've been trying to take it as my motto these days, but it just hasn't been one of those weeks.  more like, feel bored and leave it half done to finish tomorrow.  or, feel it halfsies and then leave it to drink half a bottle of wine on a thursday and space out in front of the compy.  will try to get some blood back up in my veins this weekend.

feeling inspired by the world's last domino which i'm reading in tiny doses like some kind of strung out addict.  anyway, esp into the 'decorating in yr 20s' section with the dude who doesn't own bookshelves but didn't eat for a few weeks so he could afford some whacked out gilded eagle console table.  well i say yes to that!  meanwhiles he's got an unmended hole in his drywall next to a bunch of poshed out art biz.  clearly i have not made it into the 'decorating in yr 30s' where you move in with the loved one and wrangle over the co-mingling of yr disparate design aesthetics.  

eh, i'm always going to love the not-quite-finished, the sorta brokedown, and the fancy-shit-next-to-my-cactus-shaped-beer-opener-magnet.  plus, my The Loved One has excellent home furnishings that would fit almost seamlessly (weirdly so, even) with my own well considered possessions.  when it comes time for that, of course.

somehow lost my school inspiration.  hopefully to be regained.  until then, it's my fraction of domino and vino tinto.  and the collection of weird statements by little known european designers? 

“i’m always looking for sexiness…sorry, soul.” -- alfredo haberli

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

ceremony is a pretty beautiful novel.  i wonder what my students think of it.  i like the pacing and the bouncing back and forth through time because it's how tayo is, sort of unleashed and floating from memory to memory, past to present and back again.  but that can be annoying and difficult, especially if you're reading for school which is usually an impatient reading and not the slow, nice kind where you can hold questions in your head and wait quietly for the author to answer them.  i'll find out tomorrow and friday what the student-friends think.  

today i did swisher to the sopranos.  sopranos is its own kind of genius and ideally suited for exercise, imo.  it's prolly a tie between sopranos and gossip girl for my favorite.  this might say a lot about my character, but i'm too lazy to push any harder on that thought tonight.

been feeling lazy, a little slow feelin, a little like blah.  but these things come in waves and soon it will be spring and spring break time and then the life will start to come back out of the ground and i can start my daydreams abt cold beer outside at a cafe somewhere and floating on the lazy river at tropicanoe.   

but now to getting my coffee ready for tomorrow morning and to the issue of livingetc that is waiting good-naturedly on my nightstand.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

i must have some crazy pms

cuz i would just DIE for a big old piece of fluffy sugary coconut cake.  i've never had coconut cake before.  but i am convinced that it's exactly what i need right now. 
today was a hangover recov day after staying out longer than i needed to at brick alley with the mfas.  fun tho and nice to see everyone.  tess gave me an awesome hand massage, i had a nice top-25 albums of all time discush with stephen, drank too many guinness, watched some dudes co-write poetry in a spiral notebook, bumped into adryan, jamie, and win and chatted with them for a bit, and just generally enjoyed the loveliness of the girl poets.  seriously, i didn't know america made stunningly beautiful poets anymore until i got to purdue.  they're hot.  all of them.  really.

made some thai-style sea bass and black rice tonight which i liked the taste of, but i did not really dig the texture situation.  it had tons of herbs, coconut milk, garlic, ginger, lime, a little sesame oil and some red chilis.  it just turns out that sea bass is a little too slimy for me.  halibut is the leader so far, i think.  piling up all the ingredients was fun tho.  and black rice is pretty chic as far as yr rices go.   

i have a little hangover euphoria now, so i'm feeling good abt the upcoming week and life in general.  i'm especially in looooooove with charlie parker, i got to hang and lounge all over david today (who i'm also so wildly smitten with, i daresay even more than charlie parker!) and i ate some macaroons after dinner.  gonna check out some apartments this week, exercise like a little health girl, and make some dissertation progress.  happy.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

let's sort this hell hole out

i have some serious sillies happening inside of me.

been cracking up all night over this yahoo news story abt a woman sleep emailing.  and then giggling like crazy over the comments abt ambien-induced craziness.  one person woke up with his/her hands full of half-eaten twizzlers.  anyway, the lady sent out some party invites that read:

"Come tomorrow and sort this hell hole out.  Dinner and drinks,  Bring wine and caviar only."

now this is a party i can get behind.  i hope she still throws it.  i seriously cannot get rid of the giggles.  it reminds me of high school when dee and i would eat too much candy at lunch and get hysterical.  man, there must be too few reasons for me to laugh these days.  

this weekend: mission silliness.  i gotta get some of this out.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

mostly daydreams

around here these days.  with a spattering of actual work to turn the daydreams into reals.  like sent the celanire paper off in a mad midnight rush to have a chance at winning an award.  don't have high hopes, but you can't win if you don't play, right?  same for the prf, same for the string of paper proposals i will send out for mla next year.

i'm in maje work obsession mode, obviously.  which makes for stupid blog posts since all i can think abt is school and work and papers and professional development and dream jobs most of which prolly won't even exist by next year.  but i believe in daydreaming.  i even browsed craigslist for apartments in san francisco, just because it gave me hopes and stars.

finishing up their eyes on friday and then moving on to ceremony.  i read the last few chapters of their eyes in my office today while listening to billie holiday and drinking a coke zero and totally choked up when janie had to shoot tea cake.  seriously watering eyes and all.  even though it's embarrassing to cry at work and i'm glad no one saw me, it's probably good that i'm moved to tears by what i'm getting paid to talk about.  i almost cried in class the other day when i played 'strange fruit' too.  maybe i need to get it together over here.  

nah, anyone with any kind of soul will cry at strange fruit.  esp the live version from 1945.    

Saturday, February 14, 2009

a personal call to arms!

is this article on literary love i found while procrastinating* tonight.  obviously, tito and the nails needs to happen, even if only for myself.  hermanito, also think about the article since i think we have similar goals here.

* so, it's kind of not procrastinating, because my new favorite thing to do when i can't write my conf paper is make syllabi for dream classes that i want to teach.  i'll have to talk about them/show the syll when i'm on the market anyway.  so, last night it was 1950s american lit class (wine inspired title = enCOUNTERCULTURE: literature of the american 1950s) and tonight it is roman d'amour: wild, obsessive love in world literature.  i'm also coming up with reading lists for an american version and a british version depending on what kind of j.o.b. i end up interviewing for.

i think spending the bulk of my valentine's researching great literary loves is perfectly fitting and, actually, deeply satisfying.  yes, i am NERD but i know what IT is and i know TIME and that everything's FINE.

really, not a cloud in the sky

but that was yesterday.  sparkling blue skies, cloudless climes.  today is nothing but clouds -- and the return of frigid weather.  but i drank some coffee, graded papers, listened to bird and diz at carnegie hall, reheated some gruyere n chive souffle and ate it with 100% whole wheat english muffins and some tomato.  so not all bad.  plus, tonight, pretty baby and i head out on the valentine's day errand of watching some 'my bloody valentine' in 3d at the local theater.  or, in case he's still not feeling well (cuz he got my gross cold), there's prom night, red vines, and lite popcorn at home.

in a little bit, i will put on some opera's number one hits and cook up some pasta with spicy red sauce, a little toasted ciabatta and pour myself a glass of coppola claret.  then i will stare blankly at the conference paper i'm working on until my eyes loll back in my head and it's time to go the movies. 

or i will have a breakthrough and write a tremendous commentary on the intersection of time, the fantastic, and caribbean colonial experience!

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

sick sickness

is lame.  today is better than yesterday what with the hotcolds, the skinaches, and the throatburns.  today certainly had those things, just to a lesser degree.  hopefully tomorrow will be even better.  here's to hoping.

and on tuesday, which was the worst so far of the sick sickness, i still managed to get a lot of stuff done on a breezy dayquil haze.  that stuff really chills me out.  i was in some kind of tidying zone, you know.  like, stuff that would usually irritate me or gross me out was like whatever! no prob. 

guess i'll have to keep a lid on it this weekend.  it's no mystery why i find myself coldridden after a big night out on the town.  guess the old 32 year old immune system doesn't fight off college kid germs the way it used to.  i feel like keeping a lid on it this weekend anyway.  the most appealing thing to me right now is going to the movie theater, cuddling up with the bf some popcorn, some diet coke, and some kind of artificially flavored gummy candy.  yesssssss.  

Sunday, February 8, 2009

the only sour cherry on the fruit stand

well, the weekend is over and i'm drinking raspberry zinger with extra lemon and finding myself unable to grade papers.  feelin a little too spacey to be a trustworthy evaluator right now.  a little bummed at the sundaynightness of it all, but it was a solid weekend.

martinis at bistro on friday and then when the others went home early i tracked down mehdi at zoolegger's and had a couple more there and talked his face off, i'm sure.  zoolegger's was packed tho!  haven't seen it that busy in ages -- heartening as it is the one gay bar in town.

saturday was hangover recovery down the hall at apartment seven where i watched other people drink mimosas and then we watched darkon and i cuddled on the couch with an oversized blankie.  then napssssss in my cozy bed and woke up for DATE NIGHT!  d and i tried out mcgraw's way out on south river road.  pretty tasty overall, tho a little steakhousey for my blood -- you know with dinner comes a small salad iceberg style and your choice of a side.  huge and varied wine list tho.  i enjoyed a glass of some charles krug cab with my first ever fish dinner out!  grilled salmon.  i think i preferred david's walleye, so we did a kind of switcheroo and were pleased.

today was blaring the kills and m.i.a. and putting together a harlem renaissance/zora neale hurston lecture for tomorrow.  their eyes were watching god is pretty rockin and the time period is super awesome, imo.  i'm going to do a mini 'women of the blues' lecture and then some poetry and then prolly just the first chapter of the novel which is all gossipers and envy-ers of sexiness. 

now more tea and more kala at high volumes.  in my eardrums only tho since it's closing in on the witching hour.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

did you bury your fire?

yes, sir.

got the old tom waits goin as i try to focus on writing papers.  instead i'm daydreaming abt writing stories.  and playing around on the faceybook.  maybe after i finish a tiny little blog post, i'll be more motivated.

things i've learned from gossip girl:

* i should wear more sequins
* if i ever accidentally kill someone i should tell right away
* lying is dumb because it always catches up with you (but it can be the basis of every episode of an entire season of television)
* snotty, affected boys who wear pink are oddly fascinating
* if you want to appear snotty and affected, you should squint a lot
* i didn't know it, but i always secretly wanted blake lively's hair
* sometimes it's essential to wear bright tights with mismatched headbands

which brings me to a universal truth that i've been trying to do without knowing that i was doing it (relatively unsuccessfully, but whatever, gotta start somewhere):

unexpected combinations are the hallmark of true style -- nick olsen, domino blogger

isn't it true though?!  in clothes, in homes, in lovers!  

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

little bounce in the step

now that the observation situation is over with i feel relieved and lighter.  everything else seems not so bad.  prof had suggestions and hints but was generally complimentary and kind which was much appreciated.

man, i'm already looking forward to weekend.  i hope to have dinner date night with david and maybe some cocktails out and about.  i still feel a little stir crazy.  i don't know what needs to happen exactly, but i can tell it's on the horizon.  

looks like trip to chi could include listening to spanish guitar with vicks which would be so totally awesome and great, i think.  i'm also dying to try violet hour and green zebra and just hang out at w. brompton with coffee and cable tv.  i am feeling so weirdly restless and in need of something BIG that my brain starts at tattoos and ends at long weekend in barcelona. 


Tuesday, February 3, 2009


kt informed me that domino mag has gone under which is a serious style bummer to me.  i'm ready to grassroots somebody's ass and start fundraising.  for reals, some of my favorite recipes, favorite pairs of shoes, and favorite pieces of jewelry have been domino suggestions.  not to mention the home stylez.  so there's heartbreak in indiana tonight.

plus i have to get observed tomorrow while teaching my last day of mr. kerouac.  feh.  i'll probably be able to forget she's there once i get up and running, but it's still kind of a drag.  i prolly should have scheduled it for later in the semester so that i could be more smooth instructor or whatever.  at least this way i get it over with early.  plus, it will be easy for her to come up with simple suggestions!  like, "why don't you try stringing a fucking sentence together?" or "how bout eliminating 'sort of like' and 'whatever' from yr winding monologues?"  
anyway, it's either time to prep myself for constructive criticism or handwrite my entire lecture/discussion from start to finish.

Monday, February 2, 2009

healthy week!

off to bad start with the enjoyment of some junky candy type food while watching gossip girl this evening.  will be better tomorrow and those following days.  i am not especially in the mood for this week b/c there's lots of work stuff in it.  but come friday, i will be able to cross a few items off the old list o' shit i need to finish.

wore the frock today, bumbled over another 50pp of kerouac, did swisher to gossip girl (terrific activity), and looking forward to a few french martinis at bistro whenever i can get over there next (another terrific activity).  dunno why i enjoy bistro's bar so much.  perhaps it's that it's small and not pretentious and not really bar-like.  it almost reminds of this little hotel bar in s'agaro that was very hemingway and broke down elegance and charming.  but since bistro has substituted various rooster decorations for charm, it's not quite a match.  at any rate, they have nice martinis and i'm into it.

will start planning a little trip to chi soon to lift some of the grey haze of winter that's hanging over my heart.  for reals, the dirty snows all over the ground and the gloompot grey skies are starting to seep into my insides and make me deeply BORING and MOODY and GENERALLY MALAISE-Y.  so, eff that.  off to chicago for kicks with sunny blonde sarah and bustling city vibe.

maybe i should buy this desk set!  from iomoi!  i've always thought i deserved a bamboo pen.

Sunday, February 1, 2009


it's 3 am and i'm half drunk but not really fun drunk in any kind of meaningful way.  the party i just left was a'ight.  it was actually still going pretty strong when i left which says a lot b/c i NEVER leave parties early.  i got bored and felt irrelevant.  and didn't feel like trying to be relevant.  not really what a girl looks for in a party.  i missed my boyfriend and my dog and i had talked to all the people i felt like talking to so that was that.  dissatisfied, generally.

jamie's movie party on fri was nice tho.  tapas and wine and books stacked everywhere and vicky cristina barcelona on projection and general people milling, happiness &c.  then i drank too much wine and cornered the poor projection dude, asked him his favorite movies and then proceeded to insult his choices.  standard.

it was nice to see folks, tho i think i put too much emotional fun pressure on raven.  she's delightful and one of the few people i find interesting in this town.  but i think i've come to expect her to entertain me in some ways and that's some serious bullshit on my part.  if i can't be fun and funny and good to be around on my own, i can't try to hire it out.  

so it's time for jb to get more interesting and to stop being half-assed.