Tuesday, February 26, 2008

perfect until friday

is my motto for the week. that means i will exercise and count my points like a good weight watchers girl and do all my work and even the lame bureaucratic stuff i don't feel like doing. then, when sycamore review party comes, i can really deserve it. and perhaps fit a tiny bit better into either the gold/tan dress david bought me or the green/pink/black party dress from anthro. it may only be tuesday night but i have to say that, much like mary poppins, i'm practically perfect in every way. so far. and probably in many different ways than mary poppins but whatevs. so far so good is my point.

watched darjeeling limited while on the swisher tonight and liked it. i think it's wes anderson's most beautiful movie. it's got it's problems--i wish it had a bit more heart and i'm starting to feel like i'm watching the same movie over and over, but his movies are so gorgeous and edible that i'll overlook. plus, i'm just happy to find anyone who has a singular way abt them and wes anderson sure has that. i like watching movies and reading books that make me more aware of detail, like every little thing around me is particular and special and magic.

deanna left me a very cute voice mail today. it went like this (verbatim. i know cuz i relistened until i got it all down):

hey, jen, it's me. i'm just at the beach and (brief pause) oh my god a bumblebee just almost walked into my car um (long pause) oh! so call me back back okay bye oh i'm on my 415 cell phone okay bye.

that one made me laugh.

Monday, February 25, 2008

man, i'm tired. turns out all the stuff they say abt getting older is true. i went out on friday night and then went to chicago on saturday and i'm still effing exhausted. going out both nights just used to be par for the course. also, on saturday, i had one of those hangovers like in the movies where noise is really bothersome and everything is spinnies.

seeing soto was good times tho. we met up at sarah's and then went looking for good restaurants on broadway. we picked up a bottle of cab at treasure island and then had enormous plates of pasta at adesso. he had fusilli with spicy sausage in creamy tomato sauce and i had gnocchi with butternut squash and sage-butter sauce. yummmmmmm. we also split bruschetta with arugula, roasted tomatoes, and ricotta. he showed me baby pictures, made me laugh doing impressions of his angry mexican grandma, and talked abt all the candy he likes to eat. it was just like old times except for the baby pictures part. but since the baby has very fat cheeks and makes awesome faces and also because i love soto but not at all in a sexy way, i didn't mind the baby pix part.

then we met matt and sarah for drinks at wilde's which is an oscar wilde themed bar. too big a bar for my taste with loads of people eating pub food but had a compelling number of books and an interesting posh library kind of section. kinda weird.

then a late lunch on sunday before coming home totally wiped out and feeling borderline sick. too wiped out for oscar party, as it turned out which still makes me sad. but i had to grade eight papers and do some other stuff before faceplanting on pillow so i know it was the best choice.

i have a nice week of watching v for vendetta in class and judging the high school portion of this year's literary awards before friday's "gala fundraiser" for sycamore review. gotta decide which dress to wear...

Thursday, February 21, 2008

still yr hands / and still yr heart

had a lovely small town moment today as the only customer in k.dee's coffeeshop on main and 11th downtown. it was snowing out and the owner was sitting in the corner with a couple of friends and guitars and they were singing fun folksy songs like bob dylan and such. he has a lovely singing voice and i knew i was having one of those defining things that i'll remember when i think of the best parts of living here. you know, perfect double americano, ethnographic essay abt speed dating in front of me, blue pen, snow, coffee shop owner who made the little band stop every other song for a smoke break, his grey fedora tipped to one side. that kind of thing.

also, they are having a scrabble tournament soon with "prizes and honors" and have already had a battleship tournament. that's cute. more people should go there to help keep them in business.

so i did this thing last night that i really shouldn't have done. i took out my old photo albums from europe and a couple of journals from abt 2001-2003 (and before this i had three glasses of cheap red wine). i need to remember that nostalgia is one of my least favorite emotions. i know some people find it mostly positive, but i find it mostly sickening. for my old self, for all the old things that i wanted. it's like i swallowed clouds. or a whole overcast sky.

plus, i've been listening to too much cat power. and that will make anyone want to cry in their beer.

and what is her version of 'breathless' doing to me? it's really captured me, friends. i wanna spin circles to it, yell it in a punk karaoke version, serenade pretty baby with it in knee socks and a bubble skirt.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

so i've been grading papers and laying low, i guess. tonight d and i intended to go grade at vienna but found it crowded. so we ended up at the new egyptian bar where we drank wine and ate some dinner. falafel was a'ight, grape leaves kinda gross. phil met up and we chatted and worked and it was a nice, out of the ordinary kind of night. which i appreciate since i don't seem to go out that much (even to grade papers) during the week.

looks like i might go to chicago this friday to hang with sarah and matt and see soto (!) who is in town for work. i'd be very excited to see him since he's the awesomest and i bet he will have new tattoos and new pix of his baby daughter. so i'm hoping the weather will permit.

other fun things in the near future are oscar party on sunday, sycamore review's "gala fundraiser" next friday and watching a movie in class for all of next week.

now it's time for some peach and mango white tea and an apple cookie before bed.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

porns and clowns

so david said something yesterday abt being at my place all the time and i thought he sounded sort of negative so i said, "what are you talking abt, guy? it's like ponies and clouds here all the time." and he was all, "porns and clowns?" and then i had to clarify but his version actually sounds like way more fun.

anyway, the valentines was lazy romance, grad school style. large monical's pizza (half plain cheese, half pineapple), a bottle of coppola claret and a bottle of cline ancient vines zinfandel, and listening to cat power jukebox which is rad, esp "breathless." and watching 9 to 5 which holds up surprisingly well despite dolly parton's torpedo boobs. lily tomlin is effing fantastic in everything she ever touches as far as i'm concerned.

friday was another night out at the bocker with phil and this time also raven and winship and (briefly) mehdi, adryan, nice looking new mfa guy whose name i can't recall. then saturday was inevitable hangover day with the at-home watching of groundhog day and then the movie-theater viewing of jumper. it was entertaining but the cuts were sort of painful for a hungover person--lots of violent camera movements. plus, having summer in it just made me miss the o.c. must remember to buy myself season one.

today i looked at 11 drafts of student papers, answered 800 emails from students, and then made a ginormous stir fry. tonight vegetable pile-up featured brocolli, asparagus, and snap peas among many other more mundane things. my favorite stir-fry sauce right now is the house of tsang szechuan one.

a subject for another blog is the way in which email has made teaching a bloody nightmare. do you know how many emails i've gotten from students asking me to attach assignment sheets they've lost? at least a zillion. dealing with emails at all hours of the day is a drag for which i am not paid enough. better lay down some stricter rules on the old syllaubs next semester.

well, ciao bella. welcome to another week.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Wednesday, February 13, 2008


i'd really like to get word tattoos across my knuckles. in my story tito and the nails, tito and his girlfriend, miel, have their names tattooed on their knuckles. like tito on the right hand and miel on the left hand.

having no kind of four letter name for myself and knowing that permanent ink would cause david to run out of my apt with cartoon exhaust streaming from the heels of his sketchers, i'm left to my own devices.

so, two four letter word suggestions? please think, "hireable professor" while brainstorming. and if you don't get to me fast, i'm gonna end up with something crazy ass like wordlife or lovebomb.

but i think the tattoos would make the perfect counterpoint to the wedge sandals.

yay for the future!

hurrah for little brother who has gotten accepted to the phd program at u.c. davis! with five years of funding! i woke up really happy today and then wondered why and realized it was because he got something good that he deserves. there are very few people in my life that when things happen to them i feel like they happen to me too and little brother is certainly one of them. so, yay. i'm feeling emotional champagne on his behalf.

today i learned:

not to go on the job market while abd. at least that seemed to be the dominant opinion expressed at mod/con tonight. which is okay i guess because recognizing that is recognizing the reality of the job market sitch for most literary types. and market = not good. i believe the word "bloodbath" was tossed around at boiler market tonight. so it's time to work on publications and mas conferencias y cosas asi. i looked at a successful cv tonight and cried silent, internal tears at the work i'm gonna have to do in the next year or so. twenty conferences, m, twenty?

but, hey, thanks to mod/con for snapping me out of spacey dreamer mode. every time i've decided to evade reality, i've gotten straight smacked in the face. so let's embrace things as they are and, as they say, roll with it.

in true jb fashion, i will begin rolling with it tomorrow

and tomorrow and tomorrow

Monday, February 11, 2008

would you forgive me?

if i wrote abt the weather one more time and then promised to never do it again? okay? good.

so it's 15 degrees and snowing here in the place i barely want to be anyway. and i don't even like humidity (i'd rather have blazing dry arizona with its tim burton cactuses and signs for rivers where there are none) but what i wouldn't give for a hot old indiana night where you can go out in a skirt and a tanktop to walk the dog. and then sit outside by plants and flowers and drink a glass of wine. at this point i'd rather sweat buckets than hunch my shoulders one more time against the cold. at least when it's super hot you feel sort of liquid and loose. now with this face hurting cold i feel like a bunch-of-sticks body. if you can feel like a bunch of dry old twigs tied together and feel fat at the same time.

today i feel very strongly that:

if it's not messy it's not a real home.
anthropologie wants me to look like a french mariner.
blood oranges actually gross me out.
sleepy snoring bulldogs that fall asleep on yr magazines are the cutest.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

the sparrow, grilled cheese, beat poets

last night was a pretty good one. after a friday night of accidentally falling asleep at 10:30 like grandparents or something, david and i firmly decided to go out. before going to black sparrow and knickerbocker with phil, we took ourselves to indy for trader joe's and a brief shoppery at keystone crossing. i got some much needed makeup, a little silver coral shaped hook for my growing necklace collection and a weirdly yellow cardigan that was moderately priced.

so we only stayed at the sparrow for one drink but we were in the front room and i definitely like what they have goin in there. art that i would actually want to incorporate into my own space and an awesomely awesome black chandelier and other industrially sort of lighting. my favorite was when this smashed redhead with a stick straight bob and severe bangs made friends with me and phil and then danced some fake flamenco with the doormen and got a bunch of other people to dance after that. she wore this supertight (and superflaterring) color blocked black and white dress and a big heart shaped pendant necklace. totally fetching. she said she was a chemistry major and that she loved beat poets.

then knickerbocker and whiskeys and late night grilled cheese to prep phil for the drive home.

today was lazing around and then 27 dresses with phil and david. i'm so glad that they would go to such a frilly girly movie with me! it was exactly what i needed. like sugar for my brain.

on an unrelated note, my looks for the winter/spring will be a) bored girlfriend of a beat poet and b) whimsical but slightly wayward audrey hepburn.

Friday, February 8, 2008

to make oneself more beautiful, more tasty

kafka posed that as a question in a letter to max brod. it doesn't sound very much like kafka, does it? altho i am taking it entirely out of context so that could be part of it.

i'm convinced i'd be much more tasty if i invested in a pair of coach's 4 inch high wooden wedge sandals. yes, i'm obsessed with wedge heels. but they would be for my various beach vacations and i read in vogue once that wedges are the only appropriate heels for the beach vacay and i'm inclined to believe it. these particular shoes would probably best be paired with a tiny skirt, gigantic earrings and some kind of tiny animal that you could carry around in a louis vuitton bag. so maybe that's the argument against buying them.

anyway, had a productive week despite my best efforts to take naps and get nothing done. finally got car back from broken-side-mirror-fixer-place, made vet appointment for b as she's shedding big chunks of hair (can't be good), and got a sample prospectus (among other things). prospectus looks pretty easy to write but maybe that's just the hubris talking. easy or hard, i don't think i'm gonna manage to get my ass on the job market next fall. i don't think i'd be a very good candidate at that point with nothing published and like two conferences. so there's a daydream deferred. but tevs, i'm gonna win that hgtv dream home contest and i also have lolcats. fine by me.

Monday, February 4, 2008

a baggy monster

to borrow a phrase from russell, was exactly what i was today. just a sleepy, grumpy monsterfest. everything that anyone said sounded like a pile of lameness and i had less energy than eeyore when it came to teaching. and all i had to do was say like two things and then start a movie. so what's up? maybe i have that bad weather sickness.

the weekend was a'ight tho. had party and paul and whit's and then went to the knickerbocker with mia and phil. raven touched my boobs again, which seems to be an emergent theme. she's a funny girl, that one. i hope we get to hang out more often. and not just because of her apparent comfort with girl parts.

well, i guess i'll just daydream now abt the promise of my beach vacations, the prospect of paying off my credit card debt, and the potential fun to be had next weekend.

i will ignore that other stuff that's creeping up all around me.