Thursday, January 31, 2008

i just got a lifetime's dose of cuteness at and now i'm the happiest girl you ever met. that site is just the antidote to sadness, really. and i wasn't sad, just a touch bored and lazy feeling. now i feel alive with the power of precious kitties.

just gradin papers around here and doin my taxes and other such boring stuff. it's supposed to dump tons of snow on us tonight and i kinda wish it would if only for something different to look at. i mean, it's cold as fuck here anyway, it might as well be squishy. and snow makes walking around more fun. wow, i must be in a pretty lame mental place to both blogging abt the weather and actually interested in it at the same time. yikes.

but there's a party saturday that i actually got invited to so yay to that and yay to whatever other kind of fun i can scrounge up this weekend. i should try to convince myself that grading papers at k.dees (or however you spell it) coffee shop on main is good times.

right. that one might take a while.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

some horn tooting to follow

so if self-congratulation turns you off, you can skip to the next paragraph. i was very excited today to get a little teaching recognition type award for being rated in the top 10% of composition instructors. i'm mostly proud because i worked my ass off last semester to pass prelims and still managed to be a good enough teacher to get high ratings from my students. i was one of two people to get a 5 out of 5 and one of 12 to get a 4.9 and god damn it if that 4.9 doesn't still sit wrong with me. but whatever, out of 150 or so teaching assistants i think i did pretty fucking good. being good at your job is fun and getting some recognition really feels like the best kind of justice.

in other news, the weather's shit and i'm bored of the reading i have to do for tomorrow. also, i'm starving. trying to lose weight is lame.

Sunday, January 27, 2008


i have no sunday blues this week. and since my work load is actually gonna pick up starting tomorrow, i'm pretty shocked. i didn't even need pizza and wine tonight to ease myself into the week.

maybe it's because i actually function better when i'm working hard on something. for the last couple of weeks, i've been doing the bare minimum and taking extended naps from which i don't feel like getting up. and isn't that just the mile-marker of depression.

but i actually wrote parts of my stories last night and that felt pretty grand.

plus it was sunny and in the 40s today which felt like the god damned bahamas.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

see if i care

so i'm a little depressed. there's a party tonight that i wasn't invited to and i know it's uncool to say it, but it actually bums me out. i don't want to be miss popularity or nothin, but i could have used a party tonight. and to imagine a bunch of my friends (and other people way more boring than me) out eating snacky party food and dancing and drinking cocktails makes me recognize something even less cool to say. i'm lonely. so that sucks.

but i can't cry in my pinor noir all night. so i took a nice hot shower and did my favorite sugar scrub and now i'm eating an apple and drinking pellegrino.

and last night was fun. david and i met up with phil at the knickerbocker and i drank some whiskeys and the band played 90s music (it was gooooood living with you waaoow, it was gooood living with you waaaoooow) and then there was some stones on the jukebox and then we went to sunrise diner for late night snackery. and it was like a marlboro smoke bomb went off in my hair, but that's the midwest for you, right?

so, whatever, i guess. i never was popular anyway.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

weather, don't be silly.

it's 2 degrees outside. and i think that's just plain ridiculous. 2? not appropriate no matter which way you slice it.

some fun things that happened today were: my purple shoes arrived in the mail and are cute altho somehow slightly cheaper looking than imagined (but still fun) and also it appears as tho deanna will earn her bff status once again by bringing me along on her i'm-so-good-at-my-job trip. this year is to cancun! hurrah! what a girl, that deanna. now i have to lose 10 pounds off my ass so that i won't embarrass her in front of her work friends.

to that end, i had soup and salad for dinner tonight. i'm obsessed with trader joe's organic tomato/roasted pepper soup. and, also, did anyone know that trader joe's lemon curd is fucking awesome? it's like super tart lemon pie filling. but i don't blame you if you didn't know cuz why would anyone want to eat something with "curd" in the title? but i guess there are midwesterners who buy cheese curds all the time and that sounds actually way more gross than lemon curd.

so tomorrow's friday yay yay yay yay yay. and i get my first long papers from los estudiantes on monday, so i'm gonna live it up while i can.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

real gonna recognize real

it's snowing out and i'm finishing a glass of wine. the d and i started watching some (thus far) crazy lame romantic comedy with buffy and alec baldwin. and, yes, i made him get it because i love buffy. but instead of being buffy like she should be, buffy is some lame name-dropping book editor. siiiiigh. but if you want a good drinking game, pick up suburban girl and drink at every cheap-ass literary reference you hear. you'll be on yr ass in a good five minutes. either they want to stroke every lit major's ego or they want to out-snob every normal person.

plus, alec baldwin looks like an over-fed lobster.

but enough vitriol. as i heard someone say once (mas o menos), "people need good literature. it is not a lifestyle choice. humans need art to survive and that's an unavoidable fact. recognizing this is fucking normal, but it's like i discovered oil or something."

so let's make it, peeps. suburban girl doesn't cut the proverbial mustard and we know it. i've assigned myself some penance to see if i can get this to stick for once. i will write a hundred times:

all drinking and no fiction only makes failed writers.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

i'm into hot pink right now

and anything with rosettes. and this odd but compelling coconut lime body wash i bought last week. plus i want wallpaper with safari animals on it.

this is mostly because the first half of this month's domino magazine made me so happy on sunday morning. domino and i hung out on the red couch and, over several cups of black coffee and a nice chunk of baguette, it convinced me to buy a pair of purple patent leather mary jane wedges. if that's not a valuable partnership, i don't know what is. but then the second half got boring so i went back to bed.

all in all, i had a nice long weekend. adryan had her housewarming on sunday night which was swell and i drank just enough wine to be incredibly laughy and chatty. then some of us went to to mia's to drink beer until we were too tired to hang out anymore. on monday, i went to trader joe's and got lots of treats.

and now it's tuesday and tuesday is boring. plus, i've got the old grading to do. feh. at least i'm feeling creative and happy abt life in general. i've got a villa italia italian grapefruit soda to drink, the rest of a bust magazine to finish, and a boyfriend who's gonna come home from his night class soon.

and purple shoes winging toward me via usps. viva!

Saturday, January 19, 2008

"don't work for my happiness, my brothers--show me yours--show me that it is possible--show me your achievement--and the knowledge will give me courage for mine."

the black sparrow

so i finally got to check out the new bar in town and it is pretty cool. the decor is interesting and almost there; it just needs to be more integrated. like the main room doesn't exactly go with the side room, there's a huge empty metal shelf just hanging out in one corner, and a big red wall with nothing on it. also, the total lack of proper ventilation makes for a very smoky experience. my eyeballs actually still burn if i close them for too long. but jesus maria if it's not nice to have an alternative to the knickerbocker.

d and i are going to see another movie tonight so i'm excited for that. i was thinking last night that it's no wonder i can't seem to find many movies that make me happy. it's so easy to come up with shit that's gross and horrifying to people. i mean, you can concoct a plot with several shitty people betraying each other in like 10 minutes. it's a lot harder to create things that will really, genuinely charm people. i think that takes a lot more imagination.

Friday, January 18, 2008

well, it's midnight

and i'm just abt ready to go out on the town with david. i have my gold hoop earrings and a shiny shirt on plus actual makeup so i feel like a presentable human being who is ready for a martini.

today i got so bored in conferencing, waiting for students that i started writing a story called 'tito and the nails' abt a band that's sort of a punkier version of the decemberists. will tito propose to his long time love and papier-mache artist, miel covarrubias, or will he fall for the band's beguiling new accordianist? this question and several others will be answered next week when i'm bored out of my head in office hrs.

i will also start on my next project, 'jessica pepperpot is magic.' who is jessica pepperpot and why is she magic? i'm not sure yet.

but a girl's gotta invent her own interesting things in a town where the only decent bar is currently featuring the live music of The Cheese Weasels.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

we will dance all bright and fire

and we will waltz with them red flickers.

or so says my brain OVER AND OVER AGAIN because mariee sioux got her impish little tongue and guitar-pickishness all up in my head. really tho, she's lovely really and those are not bad lyrics to have cycling around in yr noggin.

so it's a lovely thursday night dangling over a sweet and easy friday day. just 601 tomorrow morning with aparajita giving a quick talk abt teaching the 'great works' literary survey course. then two classes worth of conferencing which is is easy-peasy. and i am absolutely going completely fricking stir crazy, so tomorrow night i need to dress up, put on some enormous gold hoop earrings and anything else sparkley i can find and get some gorram cocktails. it's time for me to stop feeling like someone out of a nyquil commercial with kleenex shoved up her nose.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

better and sleepy

didn't last week feel like it took a year to get to friday? and by the time friday rolled around, all i wanted to do was faceplant into my soft sea green sheets. which i did, but serious. and all for the best! i feel significantly less exhausted.

so this was the weekend where i read magazines, slept and slept and slept, ignored taking out the trash but washed lots of dishes, and drank lots of pellegrino. it wasn't particularly exciting but it did feel like a healthy, restorative sort of thing.

watched ratatouille (sp?) with david and loved it (again). i don't usually like animated films very much, but this one is very charming to me. perhaps because it combines life-affirmingness and creativity-loving with cooking. i'm finding it harder and harder to find movies where i emerge feeling refreshed and excited. like, we also saw i am legend at the midnight showing on friday and i emerged from that one feeling like speedy vampire growlers might be hiding in the ladies room. i actually felt the urge to run to the car when we got out the theater. plus, (spoiler here!!!! so close yr eyes if you want to see the movie) it violates russell's cardinal movie rule: never kill the dog. which made me cry and i don't want my action/vampire flicks to make me cry, you know?

Thursday, January 10, 2008

some sadness

chida emailed me today to say that brian from the dovre club died on tuesday night. we weren't close or anything but that just breaks my heart. he kissed me once and called me 'herself' in his naughty irish brogue and always gave me drinks on the house and was generally the most fun thing abt that bar (in which, for me, there were many fun things). he had thin lips and blonde hair and said he kept the old 97s in the jukebox just for me but i never believed him. he was a bright, innocent crush for me at a time in my life when that sort of thing was hard to come by.

i especially remember that birthday night when russell and i drug the parents and uncle ed to the dovre and dad bought everyone in the house a round of drinks. the many nights that fritz and i ended up there. always running into therese, sitting next to chida and lorena on the black leather couch. all the rumors abt the clientele being ira sympathizers. it was brian's bar and it was always my favorite bar in the city. now i think it would be hard to go back.

anyway, there is a brian-sized whole in the heart of my beautiful san francisco memories.

Monday, January 7, 2008

sick and sick

bummer for me, i've almost totally lost my voice and it's only monday. maybe a good night's sleep and a handful of nyquil will get me back on track. luckily, it's a relatively light teaching week in terms of me having to talk a bunch. and i can't cancel class in the first few weeks of the semester since that would be tantamount to showing weakness and it's like wolves over here, i gotta establish my alpha position early or i'll be facing wolfy-student mutiny all semester. i can tell already i'm going to have some negator students too who would just rather die than have to suffer through a required writing course. but, no worry, i will win them over with my special one-two punch of charm and rigor. or at least i'll go down swinging.

Sunday, January 6, 2008

the sunday-est of sundays

here at nobeckettno, we hate sundays. they mean the end of weekend good time fun and the beginning of drudgery. and since this is the final evening of my much-cherished winter break, today has been supremely depressing. unseasonably warm but depressing nonetheless.

to battle my dread, i'm drinking pellegrino and remembering what it was like to have tv. did anyone else watch giada's show that she filmed in santorini? i looooooved that show. it made me want to convert to mediterraneanism. if you could do that. like being all oceany and sundrenched, eating tons of fresh homegrown vegetables, rolling around in olive oil, whatever. it even made me want to eat fish. which i may or may not do. i've been a vegetarian for about 14 years now but i'm feeling the urge to go vegi-style. probably small town in indiana is not the best place to begin fish-eatery, though.

my total daydream right now is to become magically independently wealthy and take a leave of absence to go live on a greek island to write a novel. it would be totally hemingway but without all the moodiness and infidelity.

Thursday, January 3, 2008


so that was an unintentional blog hiatus. but now that i'm back in the laf and getting back (begrudgingly) into work mode, let the blogging begin. again. i kept meaning to stop in to the internet and say hello, but i just never really felt like reflecting. i guess i still don't. last year sucked pretty bad and i'm glad it's over. and yet i'm dragging my heels a bit with this 08 as well. i suppose i'd like to stay on this fab break and not start the whole working hard, passing tests bit again. i keep telling people that i was meant to be a lady who lunches.

also, i feel very enclosed when i'm in indiana. like i'm confined to a very narrow space. when i'm west, i feel like everything is open and that i can breathe. of course, arizona was totally restorative as usual. i especially loved the various cook-off/bake-offs that happened with the fam, the excessive drinking of wine, the several days of tennis, and all the little treasures i brought home with me.

it was also good to visit bon again (one of the store loves of my life) for all the awesomely arty, friendly, inspired, whacked out gear they stack around themselves. the mother and daughter who own that store seem to have the right idea about things and i always leave feeling like i want to take on a million projects and think creatively again.

plus, pops has made all the arrangements for the fam to go to hawaii this summer! and i get to bring my pretty baby and russell gets to bring his pretty baby. so that will be a fabulous light at the end of the tunnel for all of us, i think.

anyway, more later. i'm getting a cold and those nyquil i took are starting to make me feel a bit stoned.