Thursday, August 30, 2007

i don't feel so good

the back of my throat hurts, i'm sneezy and i have a headache. does this happen with allergies? i usually don't get them so i'm assuming i've got the beginnings of a cold. which sux. but that's what a strict nyquil/dayquil regime is for. so i'm drinking some trader joe's mango black tea with some fresh lime juice and it's quite nice. i'm finally acquiring a taste for tea altho sometimes i still feel that it tastes like dirty leaves.

it didn't help my brain any that i had to teach a class full of zombies today or that i started reading bruce fink. he's very clear and some of lacan is interesting to me but i'm only on page 19 and i've already had all the phallus i can take. enough phallus for one day, anyway. and i haven't even gotten to the chapter on how the phallus is also the square root of negative one. so there's something to look forward to.

later tonight to make myself feel better i think i'll make some chocolate chip cookies and eat some nyquil with a white russian or two. talk abt a recipe for sleeping like a baby angel.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

no so much

to blog abt right now. being a good busy bee teacher and future prelim taker. expecting to get bruce fink's 'lacan to the letter' in the mail tomorrow which should be instructive. thankfully, i no longer believe that lacan's right about objet a, the object cause of desire. nor do i buy girard's theories abt mimetic desire. so, i think i'm finally nearing healthy on the whole desire issue. not that i ever expect to be content. that would probably equal dead for me anyway.

so, what else? looking forward to the super ultimate in laziness that will be the forthcoming weekend. looking forward to eating popcorn and watching '10 things i hate abt you' with a david (who's never seen it before!) and a carmel nut brownie luna bar (i have a senti brother to thank for this new snack item). i'm happy that i've snagged a supportive diss director--she asked after my mom, wanted to know if i've been sleeping enough, and wrote me a note that said 'go for it!' the other day. i'm also really interested in my students this semester; i've got a good handful of world travelers, movie lovers and passionate readers. so it's looking pretty decent over here.

i also had a good laugh today when i sat down to edit a paper for a november conference. i needed to shorten it from approx 20 double spaced pages to 8 single spaced ones which can often be confusing and traumatic. turns out there were only 8 decent pages anyway, the rest was completely whacked out and/or irredeemably stupid. ah, the products of last semester, so sad! made the editing pretty easy tho...

'silvercup' by kim beury

Sunday, August 26, 2007

on the swish

so my crazy generous father donated to the jb health cause by buying me an elliptical trainer (aka the swisher) as an early xmas present. which means that now there is an enormous and strange looking piece of equipment sitting in the middle of my downstairs. but i love it very much and can acknowledge that i forfeit my right to fuss abt it ruining my carefully worked out downstairs aesthetic. cuz now when it's nasty humid outside i can exercise to fabolous, ciara, lil mama, etc in the cool air conditioned comfort of my own home.

at any rate, i totally effed up what i'm calling 'the new health' by drinking up a storm at the welcome back english dept party. i also ate a very necessary if highly caloric 5:00am snack of frozen pizza while watching 24 at ridiculous volumes. my neighbors must love me, i'm sure. the party was fun tho, nice to get some social contact with human beings who aren't david. one part of my new semester's resolutions is to work on developing some effing friends up in this one horse town. david rocks and there's no one i'd rather be hung over with but i miss having girlfriends around.

somehow i don't have the sunday blues tho. maybe it's b/c finally losing the hangover feels so good that i don't care abt teaching tomorrow. plus, my honors comp kids seem awesome and sweet and several of them even stayed after class to talk to me abt nothing in particular. and hughes finally wrote back and approved my reading lists which is an enormous weight off my mind. so things are going along swimmingly, i believe. except now i'm vaguely afraid at what might go down having said that...

i also have this looney tunes idea that i want to have a big nye bash at my parents' place in arizona. no, it's not too early to start thinking abt new year's eve. not when you do it like i do it. it would only work tho if i could convince everyone (including all of my brother's friends and all my bay area friends) that a trip to the desert would be both free and extraordinarly fun. i'm envisioning awesome multi-generational attendance, lots of homemade food, and this bizarrely awesome latin jazz band that i saw at bon's opening party last summer. come on, people, let's make this work.

("Ghost Ship and Bloom" Alexia Stamatiou)

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

time to join in

first, i'd like to join the internet cry heard round the world. what's happened to our beloved ob/sc? i'm pretty sure i can't make it thru grad school without tina ballerina. i don't even know anyone who really knows our disappeared blogger. maybe little brother will be able to get the info for me.

second joining in for the day was the phil/lit party at harris' house tonight. pretty fun. got some free wine and snacks and got to hover on the periphery of a heidegger debate. i have a particular knack for landing right on the outskirts of those of those convos. can't participate, can't seem to leave.

even tho i can be totally socially awkward and only talked to a couple of people tonight, i think i did a fine job for the first foray into school social functions. and tonight was just a practice night anyway; i will bring the true party out on saturday. this town isn't even ready for the me of saturday night.

Monday, August 20, 2007

i'm classless

and i love it. for the first time in three years, i don't have to write papers for someone else! and tomorrow, i have exactly one hour of mandatory professional responsibilty. granted, i have 900 million hours of unpaid, unmonitored professional responsibility but at least i can usually handle that in my pajamas.

not that i'm happy to be back in school, mind you. i'm still totally grumped out on that one. even the weather today seemed to say "summer's over bitch" as it dumped rain and lightninged and thundered all day.

anyway, time to retire and read silko's ceremony before bed.

Saturday, August 18, 2007


why are office chairs so expensive? they're all ugly as sin, full of plastic (which i *abhore* in most home furnishings) and still more or less uncomfortable. i'm turning into an effing granny over here, writing on a cute 50s stool instead of buying something that's posture friendly. but i can't help it with all the ugliness and expensiveness out there! hufffffff.

and i still don't want to start school and this is my last saturday night and i have no idea what i want to do with it because i live in a stupid town with no fun places to go (i'm sick of the knickerbocker!) and grrrrrrrr.

also, i googled myself today for the sport of it and discovered that some other person with my name has an entire website devoted to serenity. now, this is bloody weird. b/c david and i JUST TONIGHT finished watching firefly and i wish that series had continued and i literally miss (like i miss with novels) the characters and, even tho the movie was decent, i hate what they did to wash and the shepherd. but believe it, peeps, i would never actually make and maintain a website devoted to a tv show or movie. at least not yet, in the off-chance that i myself write a tv show or movie at which point i probably would devote some time to a web presence if you know what i mean.

now snuffleuffagus downstairs is making it clear that she needs to go for a walk so i guess i'm going but i'm not happy abt it.

Friday, August 17, 2007

romance of the next semester

i usually get excited for school to start--buying various colors of pen and making lists are pretty high on my list of fun things to do-- but i'm especially dreading it right now and i'm not sure why. so pushing pause on that whole passage of time bit would be ideal. it's friday and classes resume on monday so let's just pause the motherfucker right here. ugh, and i had like three stupid caucus/convocation/meeting things to go to today that were a pretty big drag. unfortunately, one of those meetings started at 10:000am and not 10:30, a fact i discovered at 9:45. bummer for me. i left the house like frickin tornado girl without my coffee and without brushing my teeth.

at any rate, i'm ready to be the misbehaving grad student girl who wears big nicole richie sunglasses indoors and puts on lip gloss instead of listening to anyone. but i guess i haven't passed my prelims yet, so it's not time to start bothering the elders. plus, i don't have a million dollars to support me if i fail out or even a good partner in delinquency. it's not as fun without someone to giggle with. and, really, nobody can fill aev's shoes in that regard. showing up to that ewing manor place in illinois still drunk for free food instead of the rhet/comp conference in sunglasses and name tags that read 'please, no photos' was a total highlight of my one year in normal.

i better try to shake this crappy mood and get back into the game. i have to play teacher on monday, after all. i also have to submit completed and signed reading lists by the end of the month and, instead of being almost complete, they're actually really ragged little monsters right now. i just wonder where all the romance went, all the excitement for school to get going. maybe i'll get it back over the weekend. or maybe, come monday, i'll roll into 106 with enormous glasses and a cigarette. kids like people who kind of want to die, right?

Sunday, August 12, 2007

back it up

i want to give a brief retroactive cheers to the ladies of ucsd who i got to hang out with last saturday night. see below. we sat around and talked and ate homemade mac n' cheese and what i'm now calling nigella's 'chili loves cornbread,' chips, guacamole, and some intellectually confounding but actually quite awesome scharffen berger apple-chocolate cupcaked things. some of us talked abt issuing actual live human beings from our nether-regions and others of us just drank a lot of wine and pretended not to hear the 'marriagebabies' convo. the actual baby that attended was super precious and totally got me in the mood to be auntie jen, altho i might need to find another sibling if i want to achieve biological auntie status anytime soon.

not that i needed to be reminded, but i sure quickly remembered how cool and special the erc girls are. i also think that the new pomegranate tree tattoo hasmig's rocking on the inside of her forearm is cool and special. makes me wanna bite her style and get a tattoo there too. maybe as a present for going abd at the end of the year? i think i'll start pondering.

so, here's to miller, lorena, chida, kim, hasmig, christy, christine, deanna and sarah (in absentia). college would have been totally lame without you. and please don't all go and get married or knocked up any time soon b/c that would scare the crap out of me.

Thursday, August 9, 2007

did i do *anything* today?

not really, no.

oh i did make nigella's chili + corn bread recipe and it was really pretty good but i ate too much now i feel like i'm gonna die of fullness.

and some bullshit bill-writing and insurance-people calling. that's abt it. snoooooooze.

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

and though i'm hot, together we burn it up

so my escape from the midwest is oh-fficially over. siiiiiiiigh.

i don't know if i'm really ready to be back here. i feel pretty refreshed, sort of like i bathed in normalcy for two weeks. we'll see if that carries me through the semesters that seem to stretch in front of me to infinity. last night i had a dream that i was teaching my new honors composition course in which one dude answered his phone, a girl told me my syllabus was too stupid for her and another guy took off his pants. let's hope i don't run into them on aug 20; i might just do my three laps around the room and make for the bay. or even arizona really...just west.

thank all that is good and proper that the david was at the indy airport to usher me back into the utter unbelievable baloney that is living in small town indiana. he's the shit. he makes everything fun. plus, i got bubba from doggy jail (and dropped $580 in bail!!!!!) and she's snawing logs (the best term for snoring ever invented, btw, which started as an inadvertant combo of 'snoring' and 'sawing logs' and is now totally its own thing. in a similar way, the grocery store became the goat cheese store but that's just digression beyond belief) on the floor by my feet.

maybe i'll perk up in a day two. really, i just miss my parents and my brother and my friends. it makes me get teary when i think abt it actually. because it's been a long summer, because i'm tired of always missing someone, because i feel like i'm holding my breath until i actually start living. also, i just kind of cry whenever now.

okay, i'm gonna stop being a baby. why? because my mom is getting healthy all fucking fabulous gangbusters like and all my friends are gorgeous. fin.

Friday, August 3, 2007

and again

yesterday was awesome so i've decided to pretty much just do it over again.  only tonight, instead of meeting deanna and russell at betelnut, i will meet a crew of girls in the mission.  and russ and ciana.  yay.

i have been spending money like a drunken princess over here.  it's not all my fault tho!  yesterday, i was killing time before dinner so i stopped in ambiance on union street.  before i knew it, they had given me a little plastic cup of champagne and a raffle ticket.  then five min later i won the raffle and, giddy from my winnings and cheap champagne, i was practically forced into buying a coat.  and seriously, people, i do need a coat.  somehow i managed to forget what "summer" is like in sf.  forget the fact that i leave for arizona on sunday.  at least i'll be warm until then.

i also bought a watermelon colored sports bra with a little pocket for a key.  brilliant!  i've been tying my key onto my shoelaces so now that situation is remedied.  and i forgot to bring a sportsy brassiere to my brother's house so now i can actually really run on the beach (unlike yesterday where it was a sort of uncomfortable lilting walk).  so now i've done all the justification i can do; the rest has been totally needless money squandering.

Thursday, August 2, 2007


drinking morning coffee (for the second time) at russell's fab estab in alameda.  earlier, i dropped hermanito and his lovely lady friend at park n' ride then came back to his apt and crashed the eff out.  i am NOT used to walking around and/or operating motor vehicles at 7am.  but now it's noon and i'm ready to go.

plus, it's sunny out!  hurray for sun, who i haven't seen for what feels like days.  so my big plans today are to eat somebody's luna bar (if it's yrs, i'll replace it), go for a run at the beach in the medes, visit trader joe's, then go read books at a cafe in the city.  will it be the grove on fillmore?  will it be revolution cafe?  who knows?  it could even be samovar so i can drink out of their awesome silver cups.  that's the beauty of finally having a car.   thanks russ.

another trip highlight: last night russ and ci and i had a lovely wine, salad and crepes dinner at ti couz where we were seated next to the most precious french babies ever invented.  curly blonde hair, bare feet, falling asleep on the wooden benches after their dinner.  there was also a precious french mom replete with requisite frenchy scarf and precious french au pair.  it was all really very san francisco casual cosmopolitan.  despite its always interesting clientele, ti couz is just definitely one of my favorite restaurants in sf.  maybe later someone will meet me for dinner at waziema.

wow, this carmel nut brownie luna bar really isn't half bad.