Tuesday, July 31, 2007

a quick hello

san francisco is lovely despite it's general foggy chillyness. highlights thus far include waking up for tea and nectarines at lorena's precious richmond pad, running to baker's beach and later reading paul auster's new york trilogy at cafe lo cubano on california st.

also saw dj am on friday at ana mandara, split a bottle of champagne with lorena and xine. the scene was trashtastic l.a. style but totally entertaining. today i froze my ass off walking around fort funston looking for a decent place to sit down and start the martin amis novel.

tonight it's dinner with the ladies at range in the mish. yay.

more later abt the lovely down time in az and hanging with the family which was sorely needed and completely appreciated. esp tennis with brother bear and badminton in the pool with the p's.

right now i'm gonna hop in the shower to take the chill out of my bones and get ready for going out. then i'm gonna have a couple martinis to help me forget that i miss my guy and my dog so bad that i actually, by extension, miss indiana.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

not be all, you know, whatever...

but i found my first purdue teacher review on ratemyprofessors today. it was very nice. not as awesome as the one ellen got last year :) and i always wish i could be the tough-but-inspiring teacher but i have to acknowledge that that's not where i'm at now. i need to practice my rap and pass some prelims before i start worrying abt hardcore teaching. but, you know what, i had a lot of inspiring teachers in college and not a single fucking one of them smiled at me when i came to visit them during office hrs. that is some serious baloney right there. and since i don't buy into the hazing culture of grad school one ounce then maybe i won't be the hardass at all. maybe instead i'll shoot for being the professor who is rigorous but who also can still be a human being to their undergrads. i'd say grad students too but i'd really be kidding myself if i thought i'd end up somewhere with a grad program.

anyway, highlight of the review is that now there's proof that jb has "plenty of oomph and is always immaculately dressed." i've always thought so, anonymous reviewer; thanks for noticing.

picked up the first four books that duvall put on my reading list today. i'd be looking forward to them except for the fact that all of them are over 350 pgs. bummer for me. on the upside of all this reading is that i'm reading faster. i'm rarely proud of myself for stuff, but i really do read fast and now i read faster. 263 pages in a small portion of yesterday, por ejemplo. or maybe that's cuz ian mcewan isn't confusing. anyway, i ran into this hilarious passage in child in time last night and it is totally what i say to myself when i'm mad and sick of myself. it comes from an american tennis coach (and what's up with the tennis books this summer?):

"you're passive. you're mentally enfeebled. you wait for things to happen, you stand there hoping they're going to go your way. you take no responsibility for the ball, you're making no active calculations about the next move. you're inert, spineless, you're half asleep, you don't like yourself. your racket has to be going back sooner, you've got to be moving into the stroke, going in low, enjoying the movement. you're not all here. even as i'm speaking to you now you're not all here. you think you're too good for this game? wake up!"

i might post that to my fridge for when prelims come. tough self-love and all that.

Friday, July 13, 2007

too much popcorn and diet pepsi

my stomach is all gurgles but the new harry potter is effing wonderful. i may be super emotional right now, but i totally almost cried twice. and i've decided that magic fight scenes are up there in my favorite kinds of fight scenes-- probably number two next to one on one martial arts fight scenes (or any fight scene involving matt damon). i never space out during magic fight scenes the way i do with car chases or big war fight scenes.

i made banana bread tonight to bring to sarah's as a sort of hostess gift. i typically only burn her cds but i've had this horrifying habit lately of vomiting on, destroying or otherwise damaging some element of her personal property every time i visit. it may have been beckett that got tangled in sarah's computer cords and knocked the monitor to the floor while simultaneously ripping the speakers out of the cpu, but i must take responsibility for the actions of my pet. so, banana bread.


thanks to somaieh i can now officially bleach my own hair. well, okay, she bleached it for me and i observed so that the next time i get gross roots i can do it myself. so i'm finally all purpled up again and ready to go to chicago tomorrow for good time fun adventures with sarah. cheers to somaieh who is funny and chic and smart.

unfortunately i'm v hung over today from post bleach party celebrations. adryan was out and i met new people from the history department and political science dept and two of them were adorable french girls. david met up later and then when we got back to my place at three we ate a ton of pizza and passed out. the new best pizza is trader joe's roasted vegetable pizza. it doesn't have cheese on it which makes it very strange that i actually like it but, man, this stuff is so good. carmelized onions and artichoke hearts and bell peppers. try it and you'll see. other new discoveries this week include how good both strawberry gatorade and fruit punch + berry gatorade are. so good. fruit punch + berry saved me at 8am this morning when some crazy ass person was sawing trees or something right outside my window.

so, good times! except for the hangover which is slowly fading with coffee. i have my hair all the way i like it; i love my new adidas tennis skirt; and i might have a new friend! beep beep beep.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

books books and more books

i guess i'm glad that i've managed to stay on task recently but i am getting so worn out on reading. it may the contemporary british thing in particular tho. as far as i can tell, ian mcewan has written the same book twice (enduring love and saturday) and the essential problem in all of his novels is a failure in communication. people either lie or evade and then, poof!, problems. go figure. you can learn that same lesson every week on days of our lives.

and margaret drabble is just mothers and daughters mothers and daughters mothers and daughters. throw in the occasional dissatisfied marriage and there's yr novel. to be fair, the peppered moth covered several generations of mothers and daughters; it's kind of like the english neurotic's version of 100 yrs of solitude.

maybe i'm just in the mood to piss on everything but i don't think so. it's just all the books i've been reading are such bloody downers. does all 'serious' lit have to be premature ejaculation, addiction, various sexual abuses, and agoraphobia? what about the picaresque, the carnivalesque, the fabulously kinky? por favor. give a poor grad student something lively to read.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007


so mini reunion plans in sf are shaping up. looks like a lot of the college girl friends will be making their way to the bay and only one out of ten of us has a baby. i am def excited to meet said baby but i am also very very glad that most of my college ladies are sans husband and sans kinder. i may be 31 but i am not ready for husbands and family. i mean, i have the awesomest boyfriend ever invented (like, i don't even want to profane this thing with him by writing abt it publicly) and i imagine that one day i might want a kid but no no no no no no no no not now. if i could be any more emphatic i would. point being i'm happy that other women my age seem to think along similar lines. it's nice to have non married, non baby company.

but i didn't mean this post to be abt what i don't want or don't have. i love these girls i met 12 (!) years ago. i miss them. i remember when i consistently chose them over my college boyfriend. for a reason, i might add. these girls make me feel alive and loved and bring out the best parts of me--the most smart, the most generous, the most fun, the most genuine. and i value their uniqueness, bizarreness, particularity and general beauty (they're all so pretty, i'm serious) like i can barely express.

it took me a long time to feel like i found a place. i hated high school; i thought everyone was retarded (except for dee, claro). and the first time i ever felt really free was at ucsd. funny how now again i feel trapped and now again i get a trip away for their company.

in addition to being bright, inspiring, and unafraid, weird shit always happens when we're together. por ejemplo:

what happened here? dunno. don't remember.

Monday, July 9, 2007

eight years of sweetness (and snoring)

happy birthday to beckett, the dog love of my life. i got her when she was an eight week old tiny baby puppy. see above (which is tiniest-littleist b i ever knew). and like this:

and this:

beckett makes me laugh every day. when i come home she looks amazed to see me and she scoots sideways all the way across the room to say hello and then sneezes all over my shins. a very similar greeting happens in the morning b/c i think she forgets where she is and that all the same people who went to bed next to her will also be waking up in the same place.

beckett's likes are: meat cereal (aka dog food), saltines (who am i kidding? all food), cuddling up to people's curves while sleeping, snuffling grass and shrubberies, licking cats and sleeping on as many pillows, blankets and puffy items as she can collect under her in a giant nest. beckett also occasionally likes to put her ass on my pillow. not anybody's pillow, of course, my pillow. see example from my old apt:

beckett's dislikes are: full garbage bags and any objects that are tall or in different places than they usaully are. beckett also hates loud noises, especially the vacuum cleaner and loud barking. beckett refuses to sleep alone.
i can't believe i kept her alive until she got to be like this:

bottom line is that i sold my first car to afford her and there is just simply no other dog for me. so cheers to beckett...aka bubba, buddy, peanut, walnut, peanut butter, pb&j, monster, smooch, fatso, pudgy, buggly, wigglesworth, b, b-easy, beezy, peachy, peachypeanut, poochy, snuffles, and baby bear.

i love you beckett!!!!

Saturday, July 7, 2007

i know i'm full grown

but, man, i hate dealing with bureaucratic stuff. i've recently been flooded with so much insurance nonsense i feel like i'm in a kafka story. like i might accidentally get myself sentenced to death if i fill out one of these forms wrong. and i should have known better than to have looked at the graduate manual at midnight last night. i think i scared myself out of fun for a month.

but i had a really good run today and celery bog was full of dark blue butterflies. either that or i'm in the buggy phase of detox from some substance of which i'm unaware. i remember when matt had really bad hangovers; he thought he saw black cats everywhere, just out of the corners of his eyes. i'm totally familiar with when the black cats come with yr hangover. however, today it was dark blue butterflies and not only were they in the corners of my eyes but they also rammed into me on a few occasions. i haven't given up anything recently and i'm not hungover so they can't be detox butterflies. not that i plan to give anything up entirely, but i've decided i want to focus on being more of an athlete. i used to be. i used to be strong and a lot tougher than i am now.

for starters, i'll be an athlete for a week and then i'll go to chicago and drink and eat like a little spoiled piglet and wear my brand new anthro dress that i haven't even worn once yet. then when i get back to dullsville, i can re-evaluate athlete status.

Thursday, July 5, 2007

and again

today was another day of fun hungover tennis. i finished ij yesterday and i'm having some separation anxiety. i'm already halfway through ian mcewan's saturday but i'm bored and listless b/c i miss hal and don and mario and pemulis and i'm beginning to wish my name was ann kittenplan for no other reason than it sounds pleasant. it's been a while since i've felt attached to characters--but i guess after a 1000 pages you feel like you've spent quality time with the folks. the mcewan is dull as a dirt sandwich, relatively. and probably really just empirically.

i'll probably be bummed out abt the book being over and having none of the storylines really resolved for a couple more days. but soon i go to chicago to hang with sarah and after that to az and ca. also, i bought some twinkle lights for my office at school. and some laura mercier makeup and an adidas tennis skirt from nordstrom.com. so i really have no reason to feel low. plus, this lady makes me happy:

Monday, July 2, 2007

thanks to relpax

the migraine's fixed. i read another shit ton of ij today and still haven't finished the damn thing. i sat on the far right corner of my red couch with my back on the heart pillow and read for hooooouuuuuurrrrs. those thin bibley-material pages are just merciless.

in more exciting news, i got the call from j.ware today that i can pick up a section of 108 for fall. hurrah! extra cash. i am tres tres tres excited for even the slightest extra $$$ these days. so the added class and the federal aid funds should help me pay down the monster of a visa bill i've managed to accumulate over the last three years of grad school. what can i say? a girl's gotta drink.

Sunday, July 1, 2007

well, i believe i was negatively influenced by red wine the other night. i have much more pleasant feelings about infinite jest right now. i realized i was being unnecessarily harsh toward the book during tennis today when i was trying my hardest to occur on the court. i did not occur. but that's cuz i was extraordinarily hung over such that it felt like my body was put together all wrong with my legs especially feeling like statues or stumps.

it was a beautiful day for tennis tho and despite my body's varying levels of misbehavior, i had a good time. what i really wanted to do today was go to the beach but that's out of the question until late july. anyway, i just took some migraine medicine and now its time to lay myself down on the bed. so more tomorrow; my head hurts.