Thursday, May 31, 2007

love and organization, houses and homes

thus far, being on steriods is pretty interesting. i have this, like, limitless energy to take care of bullshit chores that normally make me want to run in the other direction--altho i'm sure part of my need to stay busy is related to the fact that i can't actually do anything abt the variety of craptastic things that have recently invaded my life. at any rate, i've cleaned my apartment, gone through all of last semester's papers, visited the library, gone running, walked the dog ad infinitum, paid bills, made calls to various insurance organizations, painted my fingernails (like, what? i haven't painted my fingernails in four years), etc.

i'm going through some weird home nesting thing...totally obsessing abt home furnishings and getting everything organized. i also want to make my office at school look more 'amelie library' which probably just means finding precious things to hang in imaginative positions. in a similar vein, my dissertation director recommended this book to me called 'the poetics of space' by gaston bachelard to help me think abt space, materiality, thingyness in murdoch. i picked it up at the library today and so far it's totally fun. i only made it thru the intro and 6 pages before my eyeballs wanted to quit on me but it has chapters like 1. house and universe. 2. drawers, chests and wardrobes. 3. nests. 4. shells. etc. i'm especially excited abt 6. corners and 10. the phenomenology of roundness. anyway, he says this lovely thing abt houses that makes me feel not so bad abt my urge to get my apartment all together and comforting:

'the house shelters daydreaming, the house protects the dreamer, the house allows one to dream in peace. thought and experience are not the only things that sanction human values. the values that belong to daydreaming mark humanity in its depths' (6).

so i'm just making a protective space for imagining my way out of some of this stuff. and things are getting better. moms is out of icu and seems to be getting healthier. no diagnosis for sure yet, but she's stable and even talked to russell on the phone today. so, whew. worrying abt her has been eating up my insides. i need many more years of trips to anthropologie for window shopping, many more years of lying in the couch watching hgtv and stand up comedy, and a fricking lifetime of advice.

this post is poorly written, sorry. maybe some beautiful, magical things will start happening and i can write abt lovely summertime fetes and votive candles and wine parties or something soon. but here's a nice little bachelard line to end the evening:

'thus we cover the universe with the drawings we have lived' (12).

and a ginormous thank you to the people in my life--the ones in the middle, the outskirts, the outposts, the rest-stops, the red-light districts--this last week was especially hard and you all really helped like the magical creatures you are. thanks.

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