Wednesday, May 23, 2007

i think i'm just going to stay in for a while

this last month is definitely in the running for the shittiest month of my life award. the shitfest even started one month ago today. anyway, on the way home from my first of three steriod ivs, david and i got in a small car accident. minor, but enough to fuck up my hood and my headlights. really everything is just fine and my iv thing went fine--they even had cable tv and a flat screen--but my luck's really just not so hot right now. best, i think, to lay low. i absolutely do not believe in fate or destiny or god or some higher spirit or even karma. so i know this isn't some bad real-world 'final destination' thing. it's just us and we're responsible for ourselves (will say that neither david nor i were responsible for that guy who drove the wrong way down the alley behind my house). but, hey, reality can be a real bastard to deal with sometimes. for totes, the reality i've got in front of me right now is decidedly unfun. but i have to figure out how to deal with it instead of the sporadic crying thing i've got going right now. it may have taken me a long time to learn, but ignoring what's going on around me just doesn't work. in fact, that strategy has kicked me in the ass more times than i would like to admit.

right now there's not much i can do abt my mom except for call and try my hardest not to cry when i hear her voice sound sick and tired. :( i haven't figured out how to do that yet but i'm trying.

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