Wednesday, March 28, 2007

oh, weekend. hurry up.

i finished the papers i had to make up this week and now my brain is completely mushed up. hopefully not beyond repair but i think it's too early to tell.

we watched demille's 10 commandments in moses n' modernism class tonight and, wow, really kinda awful. three hrs thirty nine minutes of charleton heston is just way more than anyone might need. all the actors were a sort of weird bronzey color and they didn't look at each other when they talked and i swear, the same woman played moses' mother and nefertiri, his love interest. way confusing. i won't even start in on when god (played by a giant ball of fire) shot out weird fire fingers to write out the 10 commandments. but i *will* say i would have like to be invited to the crazy drinking golden calf fete there at the end. that looked pretty rad.

now i think if i don't fall asleep asap i might get legally brain dead over night and end up a total zombie. which reminds me of a time when my little cousin reece was over at my parent's old house, playing in the backyard holding onto his business and i said, 'hey reece, gotta pee?' and he said, 'i don't have to pee, i'm a zombie' in his really cute, too deep and monotone kid voice.

well, on that note, ciao.

Sunday, March 25, 2007

i can't stop thinking abt waffles. i'm serious. i'm totally obsessed with kashi waffles, light mrs. butterworth's and land o' lakes light butter. and it's only a grand total of 6 pts! i could be a walking advertisement for both kashi products *and* weight watchers, but let's save that for another post.

i spent last night writing papers and i'm still writing papers. feh. that's what i get for getting food poisoning or whatevs. but friday night was lovelyfunlovely so i'm okay with the mandatory working weekend. plus, d and i did take breaks to watch some weird early 90s movie with isabella rosselini and anthony hopkins based on a mcewan novel and eat ice cream with magic shell.

so, back to friday, if it was jess or steven's brilliant idea to have live jazz at their party, i don't know. but it was all grown up and awesome. i drank waaaaay too many martinis and decided on the curly hair and turquoise shirt combo. a good decision, i think. talked to a bunch of people i don't see that often and a bunch of people i see but don't really talk to. i also spilled both a dirty martini and then some apple martini on myself in the process. but just a little bit and i checked today and my shirt looks fine. so we're cool. then jess ordered pizza at like 3 in the morning so, clearly, it was smart to stay until 4:30 or whatever and continue drinking martinis. oh, i actually think i had a couple of beers with that pizza, now that i think abt it. no wonder i felt like shit until, like, 4pm yesterday.

today, david and i played tennis and fooled around a few times and started watching 'foul play' with 70s goldie hawn and 70s chevy chase set in 70s san francisco. now if i could just finish this god damned edeet ravel paper, we could finish the movie and probably fit in one more make out sesh before bed. wish me luck.

Friday, March 23, 2007

on the mend

i can stand up in the shower now instead of propping myself against one tile wall. i've been eating now for almost three days. and i'm actually excited to get back to researching a paper that's due monday. so things are getting back to normal after extreme body freak out 2007. just in time for jess and steve's martini and jazz party tonight! i'm so excited. i haven't had a drink in a week, so a martini sounds just abt perfect to me right now. i get to dress up and look like a human being again! the big question is, do i curl my hair and wear the new turquoise shirt from coquette or do i straighten my hair and wear my brown chiffon top with the silver sequins i bought with aev in chicago?

even though it's rainy here today, spring is definitely in effect. there's grass poking up everywhere and i can see the beginnings of irises, tulips and calla lilies when i walk beckett. as good ole bahktin (or b-teen, in rssl-speak) says "everything that is good grows: it grows in all respects and in all directions, it cannot help growing because growth is inherent in its very nature." and growth is just in the air right now. i'm just dying to feel better and get out and do things and be different and try different. in all directions.

and just to toss this out into the universe: thanks to julio who used to live in my apartment. now i get huge, pretty sak's catalogues to look at. julio, you have killer taste. kiss kiss!

Monday, March 19, 2007

ghost monster

i look worse than a monster, like a ghost of a monster, i think.

if you ever find yrself shitting rivers while sitting sideways on yr toilet just so that you can simultaneously vomit into the pedestal sink and they tell you to drink pedialyte to feel better, don't do it. pedialyte is HORRIBLE and will not make you feel better.

this has not been a good week for jb. :(

Thursday, March 15, 2007


i spent the greater part of today in the er for a migraine. i haven't had one this bad since i was i was twelve and i kept trying to read and the words wouldn't come out right. today i kept forgetting words and my arms were tingling and my lips were tingling and i thought i was having a stroke. but my mom took me to the emergency room and they gave me a big painkiller shot in my ass and now all is pretty much better. i still have headache but i remember what i had for breakfast and shit.

the doctor said that when some people start to get migraines, blood vessels constrict and parts of yr brain don't get enough blood and that's when the freaky neurological stuff starts happening. but then yr blood vessels expand, you get yr full on headache and you remember how to say that you had a balance bar and some saltines for breakfast.

i just want david and beckett and some semi-retarded romantic comedy to stare at. i'm glad for my mom tho. she makes everything better. and hopefully the headache will be gone by tomorrow and i can go get some fun summer dresses at anthro.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

well just quickly

because i heard a champagne bottle pop, az is the fab. my father currently looks like a throwback to the civil war with a sort of long, greying goatee. my mother has, apparently, been cooking for three days from the looks of things. i have weird ass but entertaining and lovely relatives that are alternatingly dry and over-perky.

so today i bought some prezzies for little brothers birthday. i hope he likes them as much as i do (cuz apparently i'm in love with my own personal taste). i worked out to bet (been missing that. ciara? how aweome is she? so awesome. i didn't even know). and i discovered that i'm absolutely fucking in love with everything anthropologie has stocked for summer. i covet. I want. and i love to want.

now i want champagne and carrot cake. diiiiiiiiiiiiiig it.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

quiet apartment

the david took off today so my place is all quiet and sad. or maybe it's just me that's quiet and sad. so today i ran errands and cleaned in prep for leaving--even tho i was exceedingly hung over from last night's dinner out and drink-fest 2007. and i woke up to no coffee in the house which sucked major ass. grilled cheese and soup held me until i could get to espresso royale tho.

so now i'm sorta detoxing with gigantic bottles of pellegrino and evian and engaging in my new favorite pastime--reading hookers on stilts archives and sending the funniest ones to david via email.

i got new passport pix today. why didn't anyone tell me i need to wear more makeup and that i'm starting to look hella old? bad friends. anyway, NOT flattering. not flattering at all. in my defense, they really do get all up in there with the digital cam and, contrary to what kinko's says, the androgynous person wearing the herman highpants khakis does not let you pick the best picture. but, whatver, i'm going to costa rica. if i look like someone punched me in the face and then wouldn't let me sleep for a week while i'm in costa rica, fuck it.

i'm excited to see the p's and chill out by their pool. i am so totally not excited at all to spend the week without pretty baby and without beckett. how am i supposed to fall asleep if i'm not sort of smashed between the warm boyfriend and the snoring bulldog? plus the bed at my parents' place is a double with a hard mattress and i have to leave my magic pillow behind.

alright, enough complaining. i'm gonna go break my detox by taking a couple benedryl, eating some ice cream with magic shell, and watching bourne identity.

Friday, March 9, 2007

hey hey hey

it's spring break and i'm drinking margaritas. 300 was entertaining and all the blood and stacked bodies were palate cleansing. i'm not in the mood to hate so i'll leave it at that. i am in the mood for a martini pajama dance party and i'm inviting this gal:

shake it, happy spring time sparkly dancing skeleton lady.


so i'm writing my dissertation on iris murdoch. it feels so nice to have that set. now i just have to pass my prelims, defend my proposal and write the damn thing. baby steps. anyone with some theory to recommend on materiality, sensuality, collections of objects or food should email me or send me something via myspace.

and i'm officially on spring break! even though i have a stack of papers to grade and two papers of my own to write, it's still vacation. i mean, i can grade in bed, in my pajamas with a cup of coffee and my dog. beats the shit out of going to campus. plus, i get to visit the p's in arizona. which means i'll come back pickled and toting an extra five pounds on my ass. hopefully also with some new clothes and a decent haircut.

tonight david and i are gonna go see 300 and tomorrow night we're going somewhere nice for dinner. and it's getting warmer so i think we're going to go running at celery bog too. since i've been moody and depressed for, like, two months now this pleasant springy vibe is just the most.

Wednesday, March 7, 2007

wow, faulkner is really wonderful and frightening, isn't he? even tho there are always, like, groups of dogs that are 'moiling' or something i think he's a fucking genius.

on friday i have to talk to my major professor abt reading lists for my prelim exams and whether or not she actually wants to direct my dissertation. if you've got any good vibes, please send them in the general direction of lafayette, indiana. if she says, 'umm, no thanks' to my iris murdoch ideas i might decide to be into american transnational lit. i might decide to be into that anyway. or i might try crying until she cracks under the pressure.

i need to get out of this place and rediscover my life.

Tuesday, March 6, 2007

the forms and light

"California is just beyond the world" --w.e.b. dubois

i'm so homesick for california and my peeps right now i can't take it! it must be the cold and drear of a small indiana town that's getting to me. and probably the fact that i'm on my last semester of coursework too. i've got the itches to get out of school and get to the beach big time. or get to the mission, to noe, to the panhandle, to soma, to pac heights, to tommy's on geary for margaritas. to hotel biron for a huge glass of wine. oh to club waziema for ethiopian food and a cold sierra nevada! and ti couz for a tomato and mushroom crepe. seriously, you don't understand these crepes. man, i'm turning into a fat girl. i gotta ease up on the food daydreaming.

i'm craving san diego too. the san diego of right after college when all i did was answer phones for that electrical supply company in otay mesa and we'd go drown ourselves in jameson at the ould sod on wednesdays. i had crushes on all the coffee boys at zanzibar in pacific beach. we practically lived at nunu's in hillcrest, at la posta and bronx pizza at 3am. the live wire. the red fox. the casbah.

but there was that rotted love that haunted me. and then there was university of chicago with its complete and total insanity making. so no nostalgia. like thomas mann,
"if you think of the forms and light of other days it is without regret."

i just miss my girlfriends, the complete unwinterness of winter, the places to go, the ocean.

Saturday, March 3, 2007

the fab

happy 34th anniversary parents. just unequivocally, my mother is the kindest person in the world. when i was younger she was too self-sacrificing but now she's exactly herself: perfectly loving and shit-giving at the same time. my father is equally unequaled. who else throws pancakes at yr car when you're trying to drive away from the house or starts indoor water fights on school nights? don't splash the pictures with the hose, my mom yells! who else sings silly songs abt being able to do whatever you want to? you know you know that song, backman family friends. i probably sang it to you in college.

some of my favorite memories are when they would go out on their seldom dates and then come home late after whatever babysitter put me to bed. my mom would come in and sit on the edge of my bed and tell me exactly what they did and exactly what they had for their fancy dinner and what they talked abt and what they saw. i couldn't wait to be grown up and have dates and cocktails and romance. i hated being a kid. being an adult may, indeed, suck occasional ass but it beats the shit out of being a kid as far as i'm concerned. i never felt the happy free-wheeling kid shit they tell you you feel in movies and whatever. homework in 2nd grade was as stressful to me as taxes and prelim reading lists are for me now. i have eternally taken things too seriously. but my parents are the fab.

so david and i went to mia's birthday party tonight and it was lovely. i brought two bottles of wine and drank one of them by myself. that's relatively appropriate, right? i also made her a mix cd and tied it with shiny curly pink ribbon so that for sure makes up for drinking up half the shit i brought, non? we all ate spinach dip and artichoke dip and that kind of birthday cake with the insanely sweet sugary icing that says 'happy bithday mia' in pink and just tastes like happiness and innocence if happiness and innocence were a taste. and smoked cigarettes and watched spaceballs.

that is a happy fucking saturday night for me, my dears.

Friday, March 2, 2007

oh my god, i've done nothing all night except read tons of old Hookers on Stilts posts from like two years ago and now all i feel like doing is eating a bunch of candy and asking my boyfriend to quit writing papers and pay me some attention.

in more concretely fun news: i'm going to costa rica in april! my fabulous best friend/sister (well, techinically she's my best friend but we met when we were 1.5 and were practically raised together so 'sister' it is) is busy rocking the house with her software sales skills and won a trip to costa rica with all the other sales rock stars. and i get to go! for free! and free hotel also. yay yay yay. and you better believe that i'm gonna be the most fun jen ever invented. like, so much fun, you wouldn't even be able to handle the fun.

and next week i get to go visit the p's for spring break. i love arizona for all its deserty, spiky planted dusty charm. it's no norcal but you gotta love the fam. and not just for the food and booze.

also gotta say a GIGANTIC yay for little brother who is currently getting the big karmic payout. wish i were in sf to help celebrate.
as much as i love my new apartment, i'm really struggling in the bedroom decor department. the bedroom is upstairs, oddly shaped and has these crazy asymmetical bars on the right side. see: right. i've hung up some of my stuff, i have a rad new bookcase and my desk is all awesomely from the 30s (cheers to auntie's good taste)...i just can't make anything cohere.
and i'm committed to the idea that i want my bedroom to be magic. the way that things on are magic, the way that gabriel garcia marquez is magic, the way lorena seems to make normal everyday things magic. all i seem to have are some droopy firefly lights and too many empty pellegrino bottles.

and here are some more things that don't make any sense-- my lonely chest of drawers, jewelry, perfume and robe that used to somehow belong together in my old aparment and my little chair and rice paper lamp. feh! nothing works!

so what to do? not worry abt it and do my work, you say? well, fine. that's what i've been doing and i don't like it. i wish i could paint the walls, find awesome chandelier sales and get both the absinthe fairy and sophia coppola over for champagne and interior design.